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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Have I spoilt the evening?

281 replies

Iknowdino · 17/01/2026 16:15

So husband and I rarely do anything together just us 2. We went to a concert he booked back in November but he only took me after asking a few mates and not finding anyone that would go, definitely not my kind of thing. Previously can't think of when we last did something just us 2 probably 2024 for my birthday. We do lots together with DDS as a family though. Don't even sit in together and watch a film or anything as DDS are teens and always around.

Got a rare night to night as they are both off on a sleepover. Dh has been asking what I want to do all week. Mostly saying how much sex we are going to have. I said I wanted to go out for tea as we havent in ages. He has made comments twice in the week about staying in and getting a take away and about getting something nice in to cook. Both times I have explained I don't want to do this. He will want a Chinese takeway which is crap for me as I am gluten free and no Chinese takeaways around here cater for gf. I explained I don't want to cook as I want a night off from cooking and cleaning and he doesn't cook so would fall to me to buy and cook the meal even if we share cleaning off.

Tonight is the night of the sleepover. He arranged to go out all day and had called me on the way home to ask what I want to do tonight. I said I thought we were going out. His response was, "we don't have to go out, I'm not bothered". This has really upset me and I was pissed off. I said "well if you're not bothered let's not go out" and now he is in a foul mood and not speaking to me saying I've ruined the night. Have I over reacted?? I'm not raging or in a huff it just upset me that he clearly doesn't want to go out and I was stupidly looking forward to it. I just feel like he is intentionally sabotaging it, trying to upset me then telling me I'm the reason we can't go out! Or maybe he doesn't want to be seen out in public with me??

OP posts:
user2848502016 · 26/01/2026 12:55

Iknowdino · 26/01/2026 11:06

I've always wondered how I find my anger as I'm told to, and I just couldn't. But feeling a bubble of it now, so need to ride with it!

Great news OP! You really really need to get out of this relationship and start again. Think of the lovely life you could have without him

I’m sure posters will come along with brilliant practical advice about finances etc, mine is just make sure you and your DC are safe and don’t back down

Iknowdino · 26/01/2026 12:58

Thanks I'm feeling a bit mixed emotions right now. Just gutted for myself that I've spent all this time and energy just for it to be wasted. Also angry. And then happy and lifted at the same time. Feel like I've got something pulling me alogn a bit rather than just feeling so helpless. I've gathered some documents and searched online about divorce this morning. Feel like that's as far as I can push myself today tho

OP posts:
LushLemonTart · 26/01/2026 13:04

@Iknowdino don't look back look forward. Look at the years of peace you're gaining.

Beachtastic · 26/01/2026 13:29

Iknowdino · 26/01/2026 12:58

Thanks I'm feeling a bit mixed emotions right now. Just gutted for myself that I've spent all this time and energy just for it to be wasted. Also angry. And then happy and lifted at the same time. Feel like I've got something pulling me alogn a bit rather than just feeling so helpless. I've gathered some documents and searched online about divorce this morning. Feel like that's as far as I can push myself today tho

Happiness and the motivational glimpse of a better future are excellent, OP. Anger is optional. I never really found mine, but still forged a much better life!

Good luck!

AutumnFroglets · 26/01/2026 19:04

Ducks in a row information -

Get information for both if possible, if you can't access his then get bank names. If you know who the solicitor can request further details so the who can be important.

Bank accounts, savings, investments, bit coins, pensions (all of them), expensive hobby equipment, cars, bikes, boats, caravans and finally housing. If you own your house get one or two estate agents in to value it. Find out how much mortgage is left and work out the equity.

Put your marriage and birth certificates and any passports in a safe place.

Start decluttering the house under the pretence of spring cleaning and get the most important jobs done to ensure a speedy sale once on the market.

Put anything of sentimental value elsewhere, such as photographs you want to keep or anything breakable such as Great Aunt Mary's glass ornaments.

Start looking at housing on rightmove. Tweak the settings for location, bedrooms, prices and the tweak your expectations again and again, and probably again.

Contact a couple of solicitors to find out how much they cost and make a one off appointment.

I'm sure there's more but it's a start. Oh, look at Form E on gov,uk website. Good luck.

Iknowdino · 26/01/2026 19:36

Great thanks for the info. I have a house in my name currently being rented out so I will be moving there. I think current guidance is to give 4 months notice, but I will let them know asap so that they have time to prepare as my aim is to stay here until after dd1 has done GCSEs and move out once we break up for the summer (also teacher).
I have the names of his banks, well the ones I know about anyway. I have the mortgage info as I have the Experian app and it tells me what we currently owe. He will refuse to leave here as he has already said. Will need to get it valued though.
I have taken pictures of all the v5s we have for vehicles.
I have birth and marriage certificates and passports put away.

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