Have I spoilt the evening?

[Iknowdino]

So husband and I rarely do anything together just us 2. We went to a concert he booked back in November but he only took me after asking a few mates and not finding anyone that would go, definitely not my kind of thing. Previously can't think of when we last did something just us 2 probably 2024 for my birthday. We do lots together with DDS as a family though. Don't even sit in together and watch a film or anything as DDS are teens and always around.

Got a rare night to night as they are both off on a sleepover. Dh has been asking what I want to do all week. Mostly saying how much sex we are going to have. I said I wanted to go out for tea as we havent in ages. He has made comments twice in the week about staying in and getting a take away and about getting something nice in to cook. Both times I have explained I don't want to do this. He will want a Chinese takeway which is crap for me as I am gluten free and no Chinese takeaways around here cater for gf. I explained I don't want to cook as I want a night off from cooking and cleaning and he doesn't cook so would fall to me to buy and cook the meal even if we share cleaning off.

Tonight is the night of the sleepover. He arranged to go out all day and had called me on the way home to ask what I want to do tonight. I said I thought we were going out. His response was, "we don't have to go out, I'm not bothered". This has really upset me and I was pissed off. I said "well if you're not bothered let's not go out" and now he is in a foul mood and not speaking to me saying I've ruined the night. Have I over reacted?? I'm not raging or in a huff it just upset me that he clearly doesn't want to go out and I was stupidly looking forward to it. I just feel like he is intentionally sabotaging it, trying to upset me then telling me I'm the reason we can't go out! Or maybe he doesn't want to be seen out in public with me??

I hope he decides to stay home rather than spoil your meal out!

Dh has been asking what I want to do all week. Mostly saying how much sex we are going to have.

Bleurgh!

This is how it feels. I'm not asking for a lot, I'm happy to arrange and even pay if it's a problem. I just want to be with someone that wants to spend some time with me and put in some effort for me. I've clearly stated what I want and why. It feels like it's his way or no way. And I've asked for it to be my way for once and now he isn't speaking to me.

I read that as a table for 6 people and thought "Great @Iknowdino is going to meet up with a crowd of friends"! Anyhow, have a great evening, I love Greek food. Whether sulky-arse joins you or not.

I'm so sorry. This is devastating.

Kindly, OP threw her toys out of the pram first and said she didn’t want to go after he wasn’t enthusiastic enough about going out.

I’m sure this was the straw that broke the camels back which is why she acted so dramatic but neither of them have acted great this afternoon.

Not only that, it's sexual abuse.

I hope you feel able to say if you go alone 🤞you've fled a miserable husband and this is a special evening for you (hundreds of women are watching lol) please can they spoil you / cheer you up....lean into it and have a big adventure ...without letting his sour notes infect a yummy evening ☀️🇬🇷☀️

I don’t understand why you didn’t just book a table?

I'm happy to arrange and even pay if it's a problem

You are worth him making an effort for!! Don't fall into the trap of letting him coast along with you organising and paying for things all the time.

It wasn't dramatic it was matter of fact. I said if he wasn't bothered about going out we would stay in. I have been very clear about wanting to go out and when he has said about staying in I have said no and why throughout the week. I don't think it is too much to ask for some minor enthusiasm when he knew it was what I wanted. And maybe I am pissed off about it but wouldn't you be too? He has clearly just shown me that he isn't interested in what I want or doing anything that isn't exactly what he wants.

You betray yourself speaking about an adult woman as if she was a child.

Anyway is this DH?

Your lovely wife is going out to be spoiled rotten by lovely Greek folk...hoping its Shirley Valentine all the way ! 🇬🇷♥️

If your kids are teens surely they can be left anytime for you to go out?

what you don’t get is time at home alone so on this occasion I can see why a takeaway and night in with the house to yourselves would be appealing.

also you don’t actually have to get the same takeaway if you have deliveroo or whatever you can get whatever you want

I've said why. Because we agreed to wait and see what we fancy on the night. This is very typical of us, I buy in meals for the week and pick the one we all fancy on the evening before we eat. This is exactly what me and my friends do when we go out. Have a chat as we walk up through town and see what we fancy! We don't need to book because town is never busy and we can always get tables wherever we want.

Its quite simple...this is not what OP wanted to do

I was clearly so cross typing this it’s all got garbled 🤣

It should say “That’s literally all he wants so he won’t agree to any of her suggestions. That OP can’t eat Chinese is apparently irrelevant- he wants a marathon sex session as his kids are out, and a Chinese. Why bother taking his wife bangmaid somewhere she wants to go? No point, no need.”

I wouldn't want to go out either, I have teens and would love a night in without them with just DH. We could go out when they're in.
It sounds like poor communication rather than anyone trying to sabotage. You both wanted different things but didn't properly discuss that to come to a compromise.

....and you rationalise the silent treatment...how???

If it was me and he’s been out all day and cant make an effort, I’d go out with friends instead. Don’t let him ruin your night.

He would never accept that!! It would give him a heart attack to eat different things! I have tried to suggest going out while the kids are at home but it's all met with a no.

So, you haven't ruined the evening. You have simply reacted to the fact he didn;t listen to your frequent suggestions and clearly had scripted the night in his mind: take away and sex and is now pissed off you are not following his script.

You need a proper chat. DC will be out more often as they are in their teens, You'llhave more chances to connect. Make a list of stuff you both want to do, and also of things one of you really wants to do that the other is not botherred about but happy to dy anyway. then take turns to do each other's plans and then an agreed plan. That way, you get into the habit of making an effort for eachother.

But I compromise all the time. I say things I want to do and I'm told no. Every time. And I have to accept it. It's one time I have said I want to do something in more than a year. I don't think it's too much to expect. Compromise works both ways!!

I really hope there are some positive things he brings to your life! Cos so far he's not sounding great....

Can you call someone and go out with them ?

I do loads of things to make an effort for him at home
I cook his favourite meals, make him nice lunches, bring him cups of tea when he is in meetings. Tidy up after him when he is busy. Make sure the house is clean cos he likes it that way. Make the effort to look and dress nice when we are at home. Try and suggest things even like going for a quick coffee. I'm always told no.

I've rung the Greek place and got a table for 6. He can come or not.

Good for you! Go for a drink by yourself afterwards if he doesn't come.