Have I spoilt the evening?

[Iknowdino]

So husband and I rarely do anything together just us 2. We went to a concert he booked back in November but he only took me after asking a few mates and not finding anyone that would go, definitely not my kind of thing. Previously can't think of when we last did something just us 2 probably 2024 for my birthday. We do lots together with DDS as a family though. Don't even sit in together and watch a film or anything as DDS are teens and always around.

Got a rare night to night as they are both off on a sleepover. Dh has been asking what I want to do all week. Mostly saying how much sex we are going to have. I said I wanted to go out for tea as we havent in ages. He has made comments twice in the week about staying in and getting a take away and about getting something nice in to cook. Both times I have explained I don't want to do this. He will want a Chinese takeway which is crap for me as I am gluten free and no Chinese takeaways around here cater for gf. I explained I don't want to cook as I want a night off from cooking and cleaning and he doesn't cook so would fall to me to buy and cook the meal even if we share cleaning off.

Tonight is the night of the sleepover. He arranged to go out all day and had called me on the way home to ask what I want to do tonight. I said I thought we were going out. His response was, "we don't have to go out, I'm not bothered". This has really upset me and I was pissed off. I said "well if you're not bothered let's not go out" and now he is in a foul mood and not speaking to me saying I've ruined the night. Have I over reacted?? I'm not raging or in a huff it just upset me that he clearly doesn't want to go out and I was stupidly looking forward to it. I just feel like he is intentionally sabotaging it, trying to upset me then telling me I'm the reason we can't go out! Or maybe he doesn't want to be seen out in public with me??

Absolutely do this @Iknowdino - he can stay at home and eat shit Chinese

I have suggested loads of places! All week I've been looking at menus and naming some nice places but said we would firm up the plans on Saturday depending on what we fancied as I can't decide what food I'm going to want a week in advance

Ok so today is Saturday so what have you picked?

From your updates he’s a revolting sex pest who regards you as a bangmaid.

I would take myself out with a friend for dinner, he has said he doesn’t want to go. If nobody available, I would tell him I was going out with a friend and just go for dinner/theatre/cinema on my own.

He really sounds dreadful. 💐

I’d be upset as well OP. With kids that age you should be going out a lot more as a couple, doesn’t have to be expensive.

I have said we will go to a greek palace he has been wanting to try but he is sulking and watching YouTube.....

He said he wasn’t bothered and then… you agreed! Why didn’t you say ‘I know but I really want to go out’?! And why wait til today, with him being out all day, to decide where?
If going out is such a rare thing for you to go out I’d have booked a place several days ago- you’d be hard pressed to find a place in a Saturday that’s not already booked up.
It’s not a matter that he doesn’t want to spend time with you it’s that he can’t be arsed to go out, though I think you are both at fault here for not actually arranging it.

We live in a small town near a quiet city we never book in advance to go out for food.

If that's what he wanted then why not suggest food OP can eat and say I will clear everything away...instead OP knows him and that he will make several selfish decisions and create work for her.

When challenge he hasn't stepped up but given her silent treatment which is an attempt to control.

Would you feel like having sex with a person like that? 🤢

But did you suggest this after you have already said let’s not go out?

You can’t say you want to go out, get annoyed and say let’s not go out and then say you want to go out again.

Sounds like a communication problem. You need to start being clear, direct and specific. But you are where you are tonight. I’d tell him directly that he’s taking you out and with good grace, being good company. If that’s beyond his abilities, explain you’ll go out alone or with a friend, and his 3x a week sex and dinner every night will be off the menu until he shapes up or ships out. I’m post meno. Can you tell 🤣. No time for selfish man nonsense any more. Find your rage at this treatment.

I don’t really think he’s ever going to change his ways @Iknowdino Especially if this has been going on since 2019. Some of the other issues you mention are also very concerning. Maybe you are just at the end of the road in your marriage?
My DH is useless at organising anything. I do it all but he does at least go along with it. I would struggle to find anywhere to just turn up for a meal on a Saturday night that could fit us in. That’s probably because of where we live though.

I'd just go out. He is ruining the night not you. By giving you the silent treatment he's expecting you to cave and go along with his wishes.
Its manipulative and abusive behaviour.
Sod him choose somewhere you'd like to go and go, take a book whatever you want and have fun.

This is exactly what he will do. Fine something really pressing that needs doing exactly when the dishwasher needs loading!! I've rung the Greek place and got a table for 6. He can come or not.

Or maybe he doesn't want to be seen out in public with me??

That's a left field comment. What's made you think that's the reason?

If my DH did this, I'd be thinking he was a lazy arse who just could be arsed to go out. I'd book it and he'd end up enjoying it. It wouldn't occur to me he doesn't want to be see out with me.

I would be very clear that I want a night off from cooking and a Chinese was NOT a treat as boiled rice is the only thing I can eat as a Coelic.

Tell him you're booking the x restaurant for 7pm, does he want to come or should you go alone with a book? Honestly I'd do that rather than endure the evening with someone not talking to me.

Oh OP go and try it ...have fun ...tell them you'll order for two and have fun. Tell them you'll put a review on Mumsnet 🥰Leave him to his sulk ...seriously ..don't let him crush your hopes for an interesting evening 🇬🇷

Seriously .. It's still early. If this is a rare night off for you then phone a friend and go out with them..

Hurray 🥳 have a lovely time...maybe tell them (at the restaurant) and let them spoil you ....I wish we could all call the restaurant and tell them to make a big fuss of you ...🇬🇷♥️☀️

He doesn't want to do anything with you unless it's sex. I think I would be packing my bags and off to pastures new. Life's too short to spend it with someone boring like him.

I'm sad for you. I don't think he's embarassed to be seen in public with you, I think he's just a minimal effort kind of guy and that what you're asking for is more like a 1 or 2 on a scale of 1-10 rather than a 0.

Get dolled up and go out to the greek place, with or without him. If you go without him flirt with the waiter, the barman, anybody. Everybody! No I'm not saying go and cheat on your husband, but go and enjoy some light hearted attention. Read a dirty romance book on your phone if you don't feel comfortable flirting with the waiter, just do something that is pleasureable for you, without him.

There’s nothing wrong with OP’s communication, this isn’t a communication issue, FFS!

This is a man refusing to agree to anything except what he wants- a Chinese and a shag. That’s literally all he wants so he doesn’t agree to anything except of her suggestions. That’s literally OP can’t eat Chinese is apparently irrelevant- he wants a marathon sex session as his kids are out, and a Chinese. Why bother taking his wife bangmaid somewhere she wants to go? No point, no need.

OP can say whatever she pleases with such a sulky inattentive man

Thank you! ❤️

I'd book some couples counselling

Hes awful 😖

He wants the house to himself, no effort, his dinner of choice and a leg over.

I'd tell him he can put his face straight and come out to the Greek Restaurant, or he can sit eating spring rolls alone in front of YouTube. His decision.

If you feel like the housemaid that provides a three times a week sex service, that he can grope at will, then it's time to do something about that.

Yep this! He sounds selfish and lazy

im sorry OP, you deserve better 💐