Have I spoilt the evening?

[Iknowdino]

So husband and I rarely do anything together just us 2. We went to a concert he booked back in November but he only took me after asking a few mates and not finding anyone that would go, definitely not my kind of thing. Previously can't think of when we last did something just us 2 probably 2024 for my birthday. We do lots together with DDS as a family though. Don't even sit in together and watch a film or anything as DDS are teens and always around.

Got a rare night to night as they are both off on a sleepover. Dh has been asking what I want to do all week. Mostly saying how much sex we are going to have. I said I wanted to go out for tea as we havent in ages. He has made comments twice in the week about staying in and getting a take away and about getting something nice in to cook. Both times I have explained I don't want to do this. He will want a Chinese takeway which is crap for me as I am gluten free and no Chinese takeaways around here cater for gf. I explained I don't want to cook as I want a night off from cooking and cleaning and he doesn't cook so would fall to me to buy and cook the meal even if we share cleaning off.

Tonight is the night of the sleepover. He arranged to go out all day and had called me on the way home to ask what I want to do tonight. I said I thought we were going out. His response was, "we don't have to go out, I'm not bothered". This has really upset me and I was pissed off. I said "well if you're not bothered let's not go out" and now he is in a foul mood and not speaking to me saying I've ruined the night. Have I over reacted?? I'm not raging or in a huff it just upset me that he clearly doesn't want to go out and I was stupidly looking forward to it. I just feel like he is intentionally sabotaging it, trying to upset me then telling me I'm the reason we can't go out! Or maybe he doesn't want to be seen out in public with me??

So let me get this straight

He doesn’t cook
He doesn’t spend time with you
He doesn’t take you out for dinner
He only eats Chinese takeaway
He feels you up
He sulks
He’s done nothing to save the marriage despite knowing you’ve been unhappy for FIVE YEARS

He sounds awful tbh

So for 7 years you’ve been telling him you’re unhappy and need more and he’s done fuck all?

He has no respect or love for you and you deserve more.

You should start your own thread @LucyLoo1972

This

I’m so sorry OP.
Your marriage is shite and your husband is shite.
He doesn’t want to socialise with you outside the home at all, he just wants you there, keeping house and giving him sex 3 times a week.
He’s got it made.
He’s a horrible selfish arse and I would be telling him it’s over…again seeing as he hasn’t made any effort since you last said it and it’s obvious he couldn’t care less about your happiness in life.

thanks - I have started a few but im not sure people could believe how bad I let it get and how I allowed my whole life to be taken becasue I ended up in psychosis from stress and I had overcome horrific childhood trauma to build a happy life in an elite profession. I lost everything and nearly died. I thought we had a perfect marriage and for some reason I felt totally inadequate compared to my husband and I have no Claire why who I was by far the more competent and capable person.

Gosh, reading some of the replies on here is so depressing.

So many women who expect the absolute bare minimum from their partners and think other women should too.

Or is it the MRA’s again?

OP - I’m with someone 25 years who always makes the effort to take me out and do things I want to do - as I do for him. You are not unreasonable to expect to go for a meal now and again. He doesn’t give a shit about you and him going out regularly with his cronies when he can’t be arsed to do one night with you is taking the absolute fucking piss.

You are a mug to put up with it, and you come across like a downtrodden stepford wife. Sorry.

You’re getting some sh*tty responses -I totally get why you’re upset, and I would be too, especially given the broader context you’ve shared about how you’ve been feeling for quite a long time. If he is not willing to go to counselling with you to take your feelings seriously, and if the only physical affection toon you get is sexual and makes you feel like a housemaid he can have sex with, then I really just want to tell you you deserve to feel valued in your life EVEN if that means on your own. He sounds like a wanker.

I can’t believe the hard time you’re getting OP. He sounds like a low effort selfish prick who is only happy when his dick is weta d when it’s l on his terms

I agree with PP. Tell him you’re going out tonight with or without him,

But serious think about whether you want to live the rest of your life like this

You lost me at him insisting on takeaways you cant eat so that you and your DD are restricted to boiled rice. What a selfish twerp.

He had a script in mind of what he wanted, didn't take your wishes into consideration and today's call was yet another passive aggressive push for what he wanted.

A potential compromise here would have been for him to offer to cook or a different type of takeaway, or early dinner then home for a film - but he agreed to go out so had no business trying to manipulate you at the last minute.

Fgs, leave. He doesn't even like you.

Sorry OP but I'm chuckling at you suggesting you nip off to a Greek palace
But that's incredibly shitty for him to only entertain food you can't eat. I couldn't even be friends with someone like that!

This detail is in OPs posts.

She explains DH goes out at least twice a week

You havn't spoilt the evening, he's spoilt the marriage with his selfishness.
He doesn't deserve sex.
Hope you manage to get rid, he's used you enough.

From this point on you are a widow, he died today, "do the bad thing and take off your wedding ring."

You are now open for communication and friendship outside of the marriage, separate your mind and body from this neglectful, ungrateful arse.

Imagine being free.

He threw a tantrum to get his way, and it's your fault. Ignore him until he calms down; he owes you an apology.

I’m just place marking for an update - I hope OP reports back that she’s had a fab meal without misery guts.

FWIW, I think you should probably leave him OP. It’s apparent he’s not going to change and you deserve much more.

He isselfish and lazy. Did you plan on sex later ? I'd go out by myself, to a shop or axwalk or to thd vinema. It'll be more fun than with him , Jesus, raise your standards. Stop thd sex, stop the cooking, tell him he what he is described as here.
Give it another month, if things don't improve please reevaluate the marriage.
You both are unhappy.

He's not a misery guts though is he
Only when he's with op.

That's the control aspect, he controls the mood and in turn her.

There is no reasoning because that would make him feel like the underdog.

He's nothing but a jumped up tyrant.

Op, hit him where it hurts, his money and sex.
Take away the sex, have sex with anybody but him and take half his money.

And then you can say, "Oh I didn't think you were that bothered'

you need to talk to each other like the adults you are not "voiced by me" or "making comments"

Just say: i want to go out. I am not staying in and ordering. And then book a table somewhere you know you can eat the food.

I hope your out having a lovely time. He sounds like a boring sex pest, you, re far too good for him. Play him at his own game and ignore him.

I was married to someone like this, he’s now an ex husband. I could’ve written the same post 10 years ago as you

It doesn't sound like your relationship is in a good place. He hasn't listened to what you want and doesn't care.

Why on earth would you sleep with a man when you dont want to??

Op I hope you got to go out I really do.
Some aren't seeing the little cues here and gently i think you are doing too much to please him ( because you love him) and he's lost the will to chase. Without flipping on him overnight change things up a bit to reignite him. because you sound like a diamond taken for granted🤗

I don't understand how many people on here miss the point

He is treating you very badly and he is very selfish

You need to start putting your ducks in a row. He clearly doesn't care