DH threw toy at me & it hit our baby

[Mayday85]

Title says it all. I’m in shock. My cozy, safe family has collapsed.

I blame myself partly, or maybe fully. I don’t know. We’ve been struggling with our baby at night. He barely sleeps and will cry loudly, waking our 2 year old. He’s got reflux poor thing. We have to rock him vigorously to calm him, for most of the night. Tonight he was screaming and I snapped at something DH said. I told him to F off twice. He threw one of those plastic eggs at me but it hit our baby on the head.

My worlds collapsed. He’s an amazing dad and everything he does is for our family. But I can’t be with him anymore can I?

We aren’t usually argumentative. We don’t row much and don’t swear at each other. I know we both sound awful reading this back, but we’re good people. Calm and happy parents.

I live away from friends and family. I can’t talk to anyone about this. What do I do? Please be kind. I’m not usually someone who would swear like that. I’m ill and tired and overwhelmed.

Have you investigated if there's a cause for reflux BTW? My son had silent reflux so bad he was given omeprazole which took the pain away, happier boy thank goodness. Then he was on cmpa formula as weeks later realised he had a milk intolerance. But the omeprazole was a game changer in taking the acid away and he was weaned off no trouble before he was 1

Presumably because if the baby was hurt OP would have mentioned it.

we used to take it it turns when our babies were little. One slept a whole night while the other got up and change over the next night. You could try that and it least each get some rest. Can your mum or someone else come and stay for a week and give you both a break?

Brain damage from a plastic egg is pretty unlikely. And OP doesn’t sound like a horrible mum, chances are if the baby was injured and potentially brain damaged she’d have been more concerned about that than posting about her relationship.

I think you might be overreacting. It’s not great but it’s not marriage ending in my eyes, you’re both sleep deprived. You caused an argument and told him to fuck off twice, whilst holding a fractious baby. Neither of you are covered in glory here. Go to bed, have a break (as. In give baby to DH) and talk tomorrow

Yes actually. Its hell. Didnt throw a plastic object at anyone. LOTS of babies get reflux, its a very common event. No one gets the victoria cross for it. I'm all for compassion but this thread is madness.

We made the decision pre kids to make no decisions re our marriage for the first year of each kids life

DH and I only argued when DS was a tiny baby and we were both sleep deprived. I believe I also told my mum to “stop fucking looking at me” (I would never normally swear at her)

give yourself some grace. Is there anyone who can take baby for a few hours so that you can both get some sleep? Are you able to afford a night nanny for a few nights?

Lack of sleep is awful. It makes us say and do things that seem incomprehensible in the cold light of day.
Add a stressful situation into the mix and it's 10 times worse.
Your marriage is not over. You are both tired and overwrought and have had a blow up. It happens.
Try and work in rotation. One sleeps the other looks after baby. Is there anyone you can call upon to help you for a few hours a week?

Firstly is the baby ok?! Hope he is alright. What did DH do when he realised he had hit the baby? Does he usually throw things when angry? He shouldn’t be throwing things at you or the baby. If this is a regular occurrence he needs to go to anger management classes. Dealing with a young baby with reflux is hard hard work! I am eternally grateful to my mum who came to stay with me for 3 months and helped me a lot when my daughter was young and had reflux. Get help from family, you both need a break.

A row involving some swearing and a plastic egg I think is not marriage ending. Your DH needs to understand however it is NEVER OKAY to throw things. Did he peg it at you or just throw it, how hard did it hit baby? What is his temper usually like?

Oh calm down and stop being hysterical.
There is nothing worse than sleep deprivation, my second child had reflux and the lack of sleep was torturous.
OP try and look past this and don't feel it's the end, you just need to work through the next few months and help each get sleep when you can.

Yeah, your response indicates you haven’t really been through it. Lots of babies get reflux, most don’t have it so badly they can never settle and scream and need to be rocked 24/7. Some do.

Not says at ALL op is bad mum. Just concerned she may not be seeking medical attention that may be required due to shock / fear / upset. Any big knock to the head under 1 need medical attention. And every knock is investigated. Accidental / sleep deprivation doesnt excuse this. As much as I want OP to feel better, I want the baby to be ok.

100%

This

The baby did not have a big knock to the head. Stop
being so dramatic

Another vote for looking at this more calmly. I assume he was contrite and apologetic and concerned for the baby? I’m not one to excuse violence, but throwing a plastic egg at you isn’t throwing a punch. It’s a silly, childish reaction akin to sticking out his tongue. If he’s apologised, I’d leave it at that.

You don't know that. Depending on how strong he is / speed / distance it could have been very forceful. And to poster saying I havent experienced this - urgh whatever - the reason I so concerned here is that babies with reflux more likely to be injured by their parents. Also concerned about the rocking. If the child has a bump OP, get to A and E. Ignore this nonsense and trust your gut. Get someone to come and stay and get some sleep. Lean in and ask for help. You will not get through this without more support.

My ex threw my purse in anger which had my phone inside at my head when i was holding the baby, and it hit me and thankfully not the baby, he was angry and he was an ex the next day.

God, you poor people need some sleep desperately. Sending you love

Steady down tiger! You are way over dramtic!
New baby, tiredness and a baby who doesn't sleep well. Please give yourselves a break.

Please go to your GP to ask for thickener for his milk. Buy a bean bag so he's sat upright but supported for most of the day.

He’d have to have volleyed it from the Empire State Building for it to have had any real force. Have you ever held one of them?

OP, you’re both exhausted. Try and get some sleep.

This might help.

https://www.cry-sis.org.uk

I'm not going to comment other than please get in touch with your Health Visitor or community midwife. You need external support & your baby needs to have further input regarding the reflux. You don't need to mention the outburst from your DH if it was a one off & totally out of character. You do need to mention you are not coping & need help.