Dating thread 54-New year new irons?

[bluedabadeedabadoo]

The Rules:
-The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating -Develop a thick skin
-Do not invest emotionally too soon
-It’s all BS until it actually happens
-Trust your gut instinct
-People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
-Know your worth
-If it's not fun, stop
-Loo update is mandatory
-No dating the thread
-Treat others as you'd like to be treated
-Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
-The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
-OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

Nah we all do it.

I did it with an ex years ago, tale as old as time as they say... We split as he didn't want to commit, then he came grovelling back & my mum (who set us up in the first place!) persuaded me to give him a second chance, then we split again, for the same reason... Within a year he was married to somebody else.

@OptimisticFather I can't say you shouldn't go for coffee, but the more involved you are the more painful if it gets messy.

@NervesOfCotton I hear you. MrX has had eleventy billion chances after we first split in 24...zero changed.

Evening all! so just had 5th date with Mr Cheval. I am starting to fancy him finally. We are getting on really well and had a lovely afternoon. We got intimate again and same problem…. Couldn’t get an erection. He finally did, put condom on but couldn’t maintain an erection. He is putting it down to nerves and now overthinking it. The last person he was seeing he didn’t have sex with so part of me wonders if this is why.
Im not sure what to do. Everything else is going well but I can’t live with no sex. He is focussed on my pleasure so that so much isn’t an issue but i do want to be able to have PIV.

That's difficult for both of you. Has he seen the GP do you know?

I'd politely decline to continue. I'm sure he is lovely but this doesn't seem workable for you.

Just came back from, what feels like, date nr 73 with Mr Olympics and still no sex 😄
I'm going to invite myself over to his overnight next week, I think.
Other than this detail, everything else is great. Daily calls, flowers, thoughtfully organised dates and days out...

Have a couple of other guys I'm chatting to with a potential of a coffee date on Sunday.

He's not responding to signals?

I haven't given any signals, really. We talked about sex in general - likes, dislikes, preferred dynamic etc. From that, I'd be amazed if he is not clear that I expect him to initiate. We met on a kink-based app so the rules are implied by the preferences we stated in our profiles.
It's a bit weird to meet on a kink app and be seeing each other couple of times a week for nearly a month without so much as going to the second base. Well, weird for me, anyway 😁

Okay, so Mr. Soughdough did not call me as he said he would. He texted me tonight with a message about a bike ride that he’s been on, which I replied to, and now he’s disappeared for three hours. What annoyed me is that he said that he’d phone me at the end of our last date - and I really liked that he said he’d phone me because I hate texting. This feels to me like it might be a low effort placeholder text. Thoughts?

This must be so frustrating for you! I think sometimes the only way forward is to be absolutely as direct as you can, but also I would feel that if a man isn’t really stepping forward at certain point that something is not quite right?

It is really okay for you to want what you want, and it would seem that he can’t give it to you. There will be other men who can, I think you know what you have to do?

Its not great. I find the no texting at all totally odd. No connection between dates? Os he not thinking of you then? Wanting to see how you are?
I get how some ppl aren't "texters" but it just seems really strange not to have any communication at all.
Some people would jump the gun and say is he not single?!
Seems off if you have a good date and them nothing to validate it after with a bit of back and forth?! Kind of kills the excitement?!

I am the one that doesn’t like to text, and I told him that on the first day… Backstory: I was utterly loved bombed by text by two toxic exes so I’m not doing it again. Which is why I’ve loved that he always phoned me because he listened. But tonight… Just that one text and then he’s disappeared.

Ah I see, im sorry to hear what you went through. Surely you could text a bit though? Or did you want nothing?
And then hes randomly messaged about a bike trip? Seems so off. Nothing about the date being amazing, lovely to see you etc?
I dont think you can blame yourself here <hugs>

We haven’t already texted much, very small bits perhaps, but he’s been intentional when he says he’s going to phone and he does. It was a really great date, the fourth date but no, he hasn’t referenced it at all, I probably have to face the fact that I expect he’s dating other people and I’m getting breadcrumb.

Bless you. His loss my dear 🌼

He may well surprise you and call or message about the date but I think even if he did now youd feel a bit tainted by it all

I think, if he’s the kind of man who can’t cope without ego stroking texts, or thinks a low effort text is the equivalent of a promised phone call, then he’s not the man for me!

Maybe he was genuinely busy with the bike ride yesterday but was aware he hadn’t called you yet so texted so you won’t think he’s disappeared? Did you reply with a message that you’d expect a response to?

This was my thoughts too, maybe he genuinely got stuck on this bike ride for longer than he thought but didn't want you to think that he was ignoring you... But, I don't know, surely if he was able to text then he was able to quickly call? Or call later?

rubberduck68 did you hear anything else?

Also, we need a new thread people! Could somebody make one?

@rubberduck68 annoying. I'd also like to know if you replied.

I would sit tight for now and treat it as good information x

Thanks for all the responses. Here's a bit more clarity - he texted about a bike ride he'd taken on Saturday! No idea what he was up to Sunday, he didn't say. I replied when I saw the text (at 7 ish, about an hour after it arrived at 6pm) and I said that sounded like fun. I was brief because I didn't want a long text convo, and importantly, this was a change in his behaviour and I always think (and would like to know what you all think) that inconsistency is to be noted, e.g. in the past he has asked if I want to see him at the end of each date, said he'd call, did call and asked me out again on the phone. My Mum had a saying which was, "Men treat you how they feel about you," This has been circling in my head today!

I will add that I am aware we are not exclusive (no convo about that so far) and that I haven't wanted a fifth date in sooooo long, so this is probably all more important to me than it might be to him. He doesn't know that though.

Ok that does change things and sounds like a pivot from previous behaviour. I think he definitely owes you a phone call tonight if he wants to keep things on track.

Mr Chatty seems to have gone quiet since I mentioned my children, even though it’s on my profile that I have them. Perhaps he hoped they were older but they are school aged.

So one text about a random bike ride and thats it?! Nahhh id be out now. Your mums quote is spot on.

A 5th date is, in my opinion, to be taken seriously, if youve managed to get that far, navigating family commitments, social lives, work etc you should be feeling closer by now. The distance speaks volumes. I feel like he messaged just to see if you are still there, just in case