Dating thread 54-New year new irons?

[bluedabadeedabadoo]

The Rules:
-The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating -Develop a thick skin
-Do not invest emotionally too soon
-It’s all BS until it actually happens
-Trust your gut instinct
-People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
-Know your worth
-If it's not fun, stop
-Loo update is mandatory
-No dating the thread
-Treat others as you'd like to be treated
-Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
-The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
-OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

Good luck @Nosdacariad! Keep us updated.

Got a "sorry but" from local man about this evening and nowt back from the fireman. I think I may just give up and get another cat at this point.

Ah well... Having been there I would probably be very careful agreeing to this. You may be fine but that's really not the point. The point is that you were looking for a long-term relationship and now you are getting breadcrumbs presented as an opportunity of a lifetime. The thing is...it doesn't fit in with your goals so be careful what you compromise agreeing to this.

I've had a FWB thing but the key is that we were friends who sometimes had sex. We've not had sex for five years now yet we still have a very close and warm relationship. So yes, we cuddle, go to movies, talk on the phone almost every day. We've both been in commited relationships since and we're very clear about our friendship with partners. Again, what you are offered here doesn't seem to be quite this. More of a situationship. I wouldn't, personally.

Update on Mr AC. He brought up the future himself saying that we didn't really talk about it since we first started speaking so now seems like a good time. We have agreed that we want to go all the way with this one. The man is pure gold - open, respectful, complete honesty in every conversation, sex is amazing. What's the catch, I wonder...Could he be hiding a dead body in his shed?

Cats are so much better than men!

I'm definitely in a toxic relationship with mine 🤣

You and I both!

What I’m craving most though is the sex and not the LTR as it was bloody amazing and just feel like I’m not done with him yet 🤦🏻‍♀️

Ah, fair enough. Go ahead and enjoy!!!

Im
reallt struggling not to text tonight though ☹️

I hope you avoided it and I hope you can fill your time with some lovely things that are not him 🙂

Interesting options!
But if you commit to the mid year thing it puts other options on hold until then… if it be was happening tomorrow would jump at it but you could be in a relationship with someone else by then… Can you be open about with him and discuss?

@BoxOfCats will you go?

Hello!
I'm new to the dating scene after a long relationship.
I am currently sitting here with my stomach in knots over a guy I've known a bit, for a while. Big age gap (I'm 44, he's 29). A few days ago things got very steamy between us. We didn't have sex, but a fair bit of the other stuff.

We've messaged since but I'm currently sitting stressing about the fact he's not replied to my last message.

I am extremely bad for taking it very personally and thinking it must be because he finds me unattractive. Then my self esteem takes a blow and I feel horrible about myself. I know I need to work on this. My mood shouldn't be dependant on whether a guy messages me.

I am NOT going to send him another message. But the waiting and questioning is awful.

Yes I did avoid it. I went out with my friend which was a lovely distraction. A she took my phone for a couple or hours at the riskiest time lol.

Best kind of friend!!

I think fwb can work if there is 100% chance things won't work out. I had one for a year and he was a bit of a loser in life. No money, lived at home with parents but I was just out of an abusive relationship so just needed an ego boost plus he was a nice person. Maybe ask yourself why you are good enough for sex but not more? If you aren't bothered, then fine. If you are bothered, then get rid, for your own mental health

Well he has said that long term he wants to be able to live with someone but for me I said at the start that’s only really a very long term goal due to logistics. He said that a very long term goal isn’t enough for him. He isn’t keen on the distance either (it’s 30 mins-doesn’t bother me). I really don’t know if this is how he feels or if he is spinning me a line. He wasn’t putting the effort into actual dating so I had checked out myself in respect of it being a LTR.
This is risky for me. Part of my thinks well the sex was amazing and if that can continue for a bit longer, why not. It is also helping me in terms of developing confidence in the bedroom which due to no sex for 6 years, I was lacking.
My plan:
Don’t text this weekend.
text early next week to set something up.
Dont chase him-if he isn’t forth coming, move on.
if we do set something up I’ll ask that we confirm boundaries.
Review how I feel after the next encounter to see if this still meets my needs or if I should call it.

@bluedabadeedabadoo one thing we know about you - you choose your friends well.

As Captain Awkward would say - is he as cool as your friends?

@bluedabadeedabadoo 30min is nothing. If he wanted more, he would be pulling all the stops out. But I agree, that confidence boost is intoxicating. My friend was going through similar but the bloke just made excuses, it was just sex. She ended it because it was messing with her head too much.

I will keep that in check. He is being very respectful about it, double checked yesterday that I still felt ok with it and has said that I can back out or change my mind at any time and there is no pressure whatsoever.

Yer but the living situation is a non negotiable but then maybe why he’s used that as the excuse because he knows there is nothing I can say which will change that! Who knows 🤷‍♀️
yer I am going to have to be very careful.

I think thats good as he can always say I told you I was x/y/z. It definitely works for some but for me and friends, it only worked when the guy was a loser! Harsh i know!

I always refer back to "if they want to they will"
Very similar age gap to you guys, and this relationship has been rhe most consistent, open, respectful, emotionally avaliable, reliable and loving ive ever been in.
Its hard but you need to keep yourself busy and not wait around for a reply

Mr Narnia was charming

oohh tell us how it went?