Dating thread 54-New year new irons?

[bluedabadeedabadoo]

The Rules:
-The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating -Develop a thick skin
-Do not invest emotionally too soon
-It’s all BS until it actually happens
-Trust your gut instinct
-People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
-Know your worth
-If it's not fun, stop
-Loo update is mandatory
-No dating the thread
-Treat others as you'd like to be treated
-Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
-The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
-OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

@PinkNeonSign I think you need to talk to him about this. I’m the same with Mr Engineer and I know once a fortnight isn’t enough for me. I have 50/50 childcare so a good amount of free time but he works away (so weeknights are out) and like many singles has filled his weekend schedule up with social commitments. I have the same too but I think we could do with a conversation. He’s alluded to his working away ending next month but he’s also off on holiday, again (he’s just back from holiday). I’m going to raise this with him tonight. He’s lovely and keen but if we don’t have time to get to know each other it’s a non starter. He’s organised tonight’s date to an independent music venue to see a band and bought us tickets so he’s putting the effort in.

Thanks @Nosdacariad it’s all just come to light this morning and I think I’m spiralling a bit. He’s shared his schedule which he keeps on his phone so I know he’s telling the truth. It was left that we’d try and sort something so our weekends align. I thought I’d be able to get my ex to swap, he text me, coincidentally, about arrangements this morning so I asked, casually, more in the context, of swapping this weekend and carrying on in that pattern and he said he can’t, we’d need to stick to the original because of his work commitments which is fair enough. Hopefully it goes without saying I don’t want rid of my kids either, but as we have to share, it would be nice if it could be worked out.

I think I’ll just sit tight for the next few weeks as we’d not get a chance for the next couple of weeks anyway with half term etc so I don’t think I need to make any sudden moves.

That is frustrating, but great news that you had a good night with him. Is he local, can you at least sneak in little afternoon dates even for a daytime catchup or something when the kids are at school? It doesn't have to be full on evening date nights and sleepovers every time. Just keeping in some kind of physical contact even if you meet in the day near each other's work for lunch etc. Don't know if that's possible, but I have adult kids now but remember thinking, how on earth will I manage this when I divorced. A friend said that dating someone locally would help for that very reason. I of course dated someone long distance who also had kids, and we barely saw each other and it died on the vine. Can you keep this alive somehow? If you both want to maybe you can?

Thanks @Brightbluesomething and @rubberduck68 I think I’ll just leave it alone for now as we’d know realistically we’ll not see each other for a fortnight anyway. The weekend he has without his child we could possibly meet for a coffee or something at least we could talk about it properly then rather than over text. We’ve both been single for a while and are in the space where we don’t need somebody, just want somebody to share life with, I suppose if we can both be patient it might work out, I can’t see where either of us will find anyone that’s a better fit (although that’s just me and I might be being naive) and it would be a shame to let logistics get in the way but in the end it might just be too hard x.

PinkNeonSign Frustrating is the word! I was also going to ask if you can fit in any quick daytime dates?

I went on Hinge last night & I'm 99% certain there's this man on there who I briefly dated 17 years ago, I hovered over the like button whilst trying to remember why we stopped dating & remembered that he just had no 'get up & go', apart from going out drinking/to get his shopping once a week, he never left his flat... I did 'like' him in the end as there's no bad feeling there, maybe he's grown up & ventures outside his front door every now & then, or maybe he's like the many other 40 something males who still live like this

I doubt that I will get a response anyway, but it's nice to remember long ago happy dating times!

@PinkNeonSign @Brightbluesomething for me it would depend how long I've been with someone. Fortnghtly would be ok at the start but 6/12 months in its a bit limiting.

@NervesOfCotton hope he has found his vavavoom!

Nosdacariad Love that word, I could use some of that myself

@Nosdacariad Yes that’s a good point, it’s still early days. We’d both said when we last met that we’d like to do more city breaks so if he’s prepared to make time together perhaps in the summer that could change.

I’m just really conscious that I left my last LTR not only because of poor behaviour but after nearly 2 years together he wasn’t prepared to start to blend lives and act as if we were in a relationship instead of just dating. Even though I knew his lovely DD and we got on well, he compartmentalised his life so much there wasn’t space for me at all. I don’t want this to happen again. I wasted too long on so done who future faked.
But Mr Engineer is a different person so let’s see how he responds tonight.

Thanks for calming me down this morning @Nosdacariad @Brightbluesomething @rubberduck68 I’ve had a look at the dates and it’s actually only about three months where things don’t align rather than til the Autumn so that feels a bit more manageable.

Planned to meet someone new tonight who I will call Mr Manchester... Been speaking for a while but just not managed to meet yet. Just sent a "what time are we on for?" message.. place your bets how long til cancellation / ghosting!

Here's some unsolicited advice, treat that time as an opportunity to suit yourself that you may never get again once coupled up 💖❣️💕💘

I hope not xxx

I don't know whether to get ready or not, so frustrating

Get ready and make alternative plans?

@rubberduck68 So here’s my review of Wuthering Heights!

There is a pretty high level of sex content and yes it’s pretty steamy! It’s done in such a way that your imagination fills in a lot of the blanks (eg you might hear something but not see very much), hence the rating. But high potential for awkwardness as a date movie if you’ve not slept together yet.

I do recommend seeing the film at some point though. Heathcliff is dreamy even though he loses the plot at the end. I had a lovely date night for one watching it!

I’m glass is half full here and predicting a response!

I think just take it one step at a time and see how you go. Try not to think too far ahead 🙂

Still nothing and left unread. Sigh. I think I give up! And he's the one that invited me!!

Date night with Mr Charismatic tonight. He suggested going out to an Italian restaurant not far from us, we couldn’t get a booking until late-ish so he’s coming over to mine for a drink first.

I noticed yesterday that he updated his dating profile with new photos, but as I’ve been off the app since September I’m unsure when he did this. The photos look like they’re from an event he went to back in Nov. He had also started messaging me again around that time but we hadn’t re-started dating (though I think he was keen). I guess I should assume he’s still dating other people, but it does make me want even more now to chat to him tonight on where he’s at with the whole dating thing.

Ffs why do they act like such twats? It takes 10 seconds to text and say ‘sorry I’ve changed my mind’

He's not even read it despite responding to a message minutes before. Fucks me off!!

What is wrong with people?!

That's crappy of him.
I hope that you managed to have a nice evening anyway?

Ugh, that really is rubbish. Some people just have no backbone.

So, update from date night with Mr Engineer. He was lovely tonight. We talked a lot whilst watching a fairly average band. He’s not had a relationship since 2009. Never married and no kids. Had a fling in 2020 that was long distance and nothing since. Which surprised me as he’s really attractive. We didn’t DTD. I had to say to him are you going to kiss me now and he did. Very respectful. But seriously out of practice. I said we need to see each other more often if we’re going to get to know each other and we’ve made plans for Sunday. It’s clear I’m going to have to take charge here. I’m a bit worried he thinks I’m out of his league, just from some comments he made. I’m far more outgoing than he is. But he ticks a lot of boxes for me and he’s clearly emotionally intelligent but won’t ever overstep. From next month he’s WFH 4 days with 1 day working away and we can see each other in the evenings. His next holiday is when I already have other plans so that’s fine.

This is new territory for me as I’m used to love bombing but it has potential.