Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Urgent advice

367 replies

ZippyBlueViper · 04/01/2026 20:31

Hi urgent advice needed,
My relationship hasn't been great for a while, oh come home around 5pm really drunk. Hasn't hit me but has been verbally aggressive. I was scared and kids were scared.
I've loaded them into car and gone. Didn't pack anything just gone.
We're staying too far away for the kids to attend school tomorrow and no uniform etc. Wtf do i do

OP posts:
Barnbrack · 04/01/2026 21:31

ShawnaMacallister · 04/01/2026 21:29

Why would they take the children from you?

That fear kept my mum with my dad for 25 years. Because it's what they tell you a s they have you in a position where you believe them because they wear you down. OP left regardless. She is remarkable!

Maray1967 · 04/01/2026 21:32

Please read what posters are saying and act on their advice. Report him to the police. Show them his messages. Explain you need to get your belongings out of the house.
In the morning ring school and explain the situation. Get as much help and support as you can.

If you call the police now and they turn up at the house they will see him drunk and probably abusive. That is what you want to happen.

thetallfairy · 04/01/2026 21:33

ZippyBlueViper · 04/01/2026 20:48

No it's his house, everything in his name. Even my car is in his name. He's text me saying he's called the police and reported my car stolen and cancelled my insurance. I don't think he has.
He's text saying if i don't return his son by midnight then heaven help me

They all try that one

He's an absolute loser

This is classic abuse
Op don't go back

This was me and it nearly ended my life

Dontdisrepectme · 04/01/2026 21:33

ZippyBlueViper · 04/01/2026 21:18

No don't have access to any money i had been putting bits of cash aside and got a small cash amount but it's stupidly in the house as i really didn't foresee today happening. I do have family who will help though we won't starve. Im more worried about him getting the kids and not returning them etc. Or me getting the kids taken off me

Go see the police! Ask for help getting back to the house. Collect your stuff and some of the kid's. Find that money asap then go to your families if you can.

Pearlstillsinging · 04/01/2026 21:35

ZippyBlueViper · 04/01/2026 21:04

Okay will speak to school, scared they'll get social services involved though and scared they'll take the kids and let him have them.

That is a most unlikely scenario!

Schools are most usually supportive of mothers fleeing Domestic Abuse, they might ask if you want them to notify SS but if you say not at the moment, they have no reason to do so. Your children are safely with you. Please accept any help the school offers you.

I would ring the police and tell them what has happened, let them know that DP is drunk, give them his car reg, so that if he does drive, they will stop him. Police call handlers have training in dealing with DA calls. You have nothing to fear from either the police or school.

OkimADHD · 04/01/2026 21:36

If your worried about kids being taken off you go to court and ask for an emergency parental order ( or solicirltors). It sounds like hes also financially abusive and you storing money away makes me feel hes been like this for a while.

thetallfairy · 04/01/2026 21:36

ZippyBlueViper · 04/01/2026 21:18

No don't have access to any money i had been putting bits of cash aside and got a small cash amount but it's stupidly in the house as i really didn't foresee today happening. I do have family who will help though we won't starve. Im more worried about him getting the kids and not returning them etc. Or me getting the kids taken off me

OP your kids could be taken if you stay with an abuser

Your gut is telling you to stay away from him

It is not safe in that house

Gosh what an awful situation for you all

Please listen to the wise posters on here
They saved my life 8 years ago I was you !!!!!

Fled with the kids in my pjs

LovesLabradors · 04/01/2026 21:37

This is what Women's Aid/Women's Refuge is for - don't worry about anything else, just get his verbal/emotional abuse and threats on record.
Do not downplay his threats (this is v common!)
Screenshot the threats - including the threats to take away the children.
Good luck & stay strong

thetallfairy · 04/01/2026 21:37

ReadingSoManyThreads · 04/01/2026 21:23

Agree, social services will see what a protective mother you are by IMMEDIATELY removing your children from that situation. You did EXACTLY as they would want a parent to do in this situation.

X 100

Listen to all the wise advice on here op xxxxxx

Bringyourfoldingchair · 04/01/2026 21:39

Could you give women’s aid a call and look for advice? If he is threatening you could you call the police? If they arrest him then you could get back into the house and collect everything you need for you and the kids? Have you a relative or friend you could stay with until you get on your feet? Women’s aid also have safe houses. Please don’t take your children back to live with him. I grew up in a house with domestic violence and really wish someone had removed me. I know it wasn’t her fault but I sometimes feel resentful towards my mum for not protecting me. Don’t let that be your children x

Supergirl1958 · 04/01/2026 21:40

ZippyBlueViper · 04/01/2026 21:04

Okay will speak to school, scared they'll get social services involved though and scared they'll take the kids and let him have them.

You have threatening evidence!

School will likely involve services but they will be on your side.

Please don’t worry you’ve got this!

usedtobeaylis · 04/01/2026 21:40

Go to the police for sure, they will help you retrieve anything you need from the house. Also contact women's aid. I know this will all seem so overwhelming but it's the first step in your life away from him, a safer life. Cuddle your children for all your worth. Do you have someone who can look after them for a while tomorrow while you do this?

JanFebAndOnwards · 04/01/2026 21:43

Well done OP. I hope the kids are calm now, it’s hard for all of you.

From bits you’ve posted there is a whole history of abuse here, not just tonight.

There are hundreds, possibly thousands of women here on MN who have been In similar situations. None of them ever ultimately regret leaving.

You May qualify for legal support if you have recent evidence of abuse.

Women’s Aid is your best port of call atm, they can advise you on everything but most of all support you while you sort out your thoughts.

Do not believe anything he says about anything!

Dissappearedupmyownarse · 04/01/2026 21:43

ZippyBlueViper · 04/01/2026 20:31

Hi urgent advice needed,
My relationship hasn't been great for a while, oh come home around 5pm really drunk. Hasn't hit me but has been verbally aggressive. I was scared and kids were scared.
I've loaded them into car and gone. Didn't pack anything just gone.
We're staying too far away for the kids to attend school tomorrow and no uniform etc. Wtf do i do

Do what everyone else is advising.
Call the police
Call woman's aid
Screen shot ALL abusive/threatening messages so he cannot delete them as they will be used as evidence esp when looking to get custody.
Apply for a non molestation order immediately so he cannot come near your or your son. It'll protect you both.

user1492757084 · 04/01/2026 21:45

I would be contacting the local Police.
Report the violent drunk behaviour. It is is important to have it on record.
The kids' school needs to know so abusive parent can't pick them up.
Contact help lines.
Children won't be given to a drunkard.
You will be alright but it is tough until you work out a way forward to a much safer home.
Alcohol is a brute.
Sounds like the partner is a brute too.

WilfredsPies · 04/01/2026 21:46

He hasn’t called the police. What’s he going to say? ‘I frightened my partner so much that she grabbed the kids and ran, not even stopping to put her socks on, and now she’s refusing to leave our son in my care, so I want you to arrest her’ Social Services aren’t going to take them away from you either. You’ve removed them from a potentially dangerous situation; you’ve done exactly what a good mum is supposed to do.

I would strongly suggest that you call the police. At the absolute very least, they’ll be able to escort you so you can collect paperwork, ID, medication and school uniforms. Phone your family tonight, ask them to come and get you. If they can’t, or you want to stay in the area, go to the council offices with your children in the morning. They have a duty of care towards children and they obviously won’t present you with the keys to your own home, but they’ll find emergency accommodation for you. The school will be absolutely fine. You’re not the first woman who had had to flee her home in the night, and you won’t be the last. Just keep them updated. And also, call Women’s Aid. You can get legal aid for child custody in the UK if you're on a low income or if your child is at risk of abuse/harm, with specific help available for domestic abuse victims (but you’ll need evidence of this, which the police would be able to assist with if you call them). He might be able to afford a solicitor, but you aren’t going to be on your own.

TheLilacStork · 04/01/2026 21:48

OP, you are a brave, responsible mother that has done the right thing to protect yourself and your scared children. Your partner is an abusive parent and a bully. You have done the right thing. They will always remember that you looked after them when they were scared. Please ring women’s aid and the police like so many have said. Don’t be scared. Let them stand with you and help you stay strong so you can beat him and get away from him. You and your children deserve it. Thinking of you

CharlieEffie · 04/01/2026 21:48

LIZS · 04/01/2026 20:53

Call police yourself now and tell them he is being abusive while drunk and you have left for your safety. He is incapable of looking after a child. Is he likely to drive in search of you?

This! Than you have a record of ot further down the line! Call them and inform them you have taken children away from volatile situation alsso call school in morning and tell them why they wont be in

TwattyMcFuckFace · 04/01/2026 21:49

First thing in the morning buy a phone charger and some socks.

Phone the school as soon as the office is open and tell them the situation.

No-one will be taking your kids off you for this.

Rosebud987 · 04/01/2026 21:50

Family solicitor here! You say you can’t afford a solicitor. You can go to a legal aid solicitor tomorrow and ask for an NMO if you’re scared of him. You can then use the NMO to get legal aid for children matters.

You have done the right thing well done for being brave. Don’t worry about school tomorrow. You can sort all that out tomorrow.

kombuchabucha · 04/01/2026 21:50

I have a friend who left her husband under similar circumstances and went to live with her parents. Her husband filed for an order with the courts the next day to try and have the children returned to the family home, as my friend had taken them about a 5 hours drive away from where they had been living as a family to go to her parents. She went with the intention of relocating there permanently, which she has managed to do (her kids were pre-school age at the time). My friend then proceeded to spend over £100k in legal fees fighting his attempt to stop her relocating, agreeing how they would share care and then agreeing the financial settlement she would receive from the divorce.

Despite the distance and his work commitments the kids are with him every other week for 5 days (so 9 days with her, 5 days with him on a fortnightly basis) with school holidays split evenly.

I say this as if you think your split might mean you relocating to be nearer family or other support, brace yourself for the court action he might take and might action very quickly. And maybe think about taking the action first, but if you have no access to money whatsoever I'm not sure this is a goer as I'm sure it costs something to put the court order in.

Also if you do ever get back into the house, (which might not happen unless he's more reasonable when sober and lets you in, as you say you didn't take your keys) and you have any pets, take them with you if you want them and they are yours rather than his or you'll likely never see them again.

As others say, you won't lose your children entirely, but a shared care arrangement with your ex will most likely happen. I guess that could feeling like losing them in a way? My friend had years of evidence of coercive control, verbal domestic abuse and even martial rape and the courts didn't seem to give a crap about it and still allowed her ex 5 days a fortnight with the kids.

Don't mean to scare you, just prepare you!

mumstheword1x · 04/01/2026 21:51

You done the right thing getting out.

Explain to him in a text message that his behaviour of aggression towards you isn’t being tolerated, so you done the best thing for yourself and your kids and removed you all from the situation to ensure the kids get a good nights sleep.

Speak to him in the morning when he’s sober with a lovely sore head 🥲

disturbia · 04/01/2026 21:54

Report his drunken behaviour to the police immediately and tell them you are too scared to return home. They will send a report to your local Childrens Services Department who will help you. Call the childrens school tmrw and explain your situation. Police will also help you. If you are too scared to return home call Refuge or Womens Aid and discuss going to a refuge they will help you. Good luck

Maysurvive · 04/01/2026 21:56

Well done. You have done the right and the brave thing. You have acted to keep your children safe. PP have already given you really good advice about who to contact. Please don't be afraid to get the help.

The only thing I want to add is that whilst your partner is most likely bluffing re the car, he's drunk and maybe his behaviour isn't predictable. I think you should phone 101 now (don't wait for the morning) and explain your situation. Ask about the car and the insurance. Get their advice on how to proceed.

JanFebAndOnwards · 04/01/2026 21:56

@kombuchabucha whatever the future holds, the first step to freedom for the OP and her children has been taken.

Many abusers lose interest in their children (OK v sad in some ways, but not in others) and don’t put up a fight, even despite saying they will. They tend to
move onto their next victim.

OP has done the right things thus far, and her children will always remember it.