Urgent advice

[ZippyBlueViper]

Hi urgent advice needed,
My relationship hasn't been great for a while, oh come home around 5pm really drunk. Hasn't hit me but has been verbally aggressive. I was scared and kids were scared.
I've loaded them into car and gone. Didn't pack anything just gone.
We're staying too far away for the kids to attend school tomorrow and no uniform etc. Wtf do i do

Not if you put evidence forward

phone Womens aid

How scary OP but well done getting out.

I know there’s advice above about the police and people to call.

Do you have any friends or family who could bring you some things tonight?

If you were close by I would be brining you some socks for sure!

I hope you’re ok.

Call the police because he is threatening you and saying that he is making malicious reports against you.

You won’t get into trouble for the kids missing school because they had to flee. And he cannot just ‘take your son from you’ because he has a flash lawyer. The court has seen it a thousand times before.

the very last thing social services ever want to do is remove children.

Look at it this way - school, social services and court are far more likely to award custody to a man who has no marks against him and who will probably tell them a bunch of lies vs a man who is recorded - by the police - to be verbally abusive and making threats against you while intoxicated.

So report him to the police so there is evidence he isn’t a safe person for the kids to be given to.

Phone them any time before school starts to tell them that the kids won't be in school for personal reasons and that you'll explain to the safeguarding lead ASAP. If you don't call school, they will call you to check on the kids - better to do it when you're able to calmly leave a message than to have them calling when it might not be a good time for you to talk.

If you involve the police, the school should be notified anyway. They would definitely be in our area. As long as you are safe. You could always email school so it's done and you're not worrying with a safeguarding title so it goes to the right person. They will just be worried about you and the kids and not judging at all.

No don't have access to any money i had been putting bits of cash aside and got a small cash amount but it's stupidly in the house as i really didn't foresee today happening. I do have family who will help though we won't starve. Im more worried about him getting the kids and not returning them etc. Or me getting the kids taken off me

Screenshot any abusive messages before he sobers up and deletes them.

Firstly, well done and getting yourself and the kids safe. Do not worry about the school at all. As other posters have said, keep evidence of all messages from him, and inform the police. Are you able to have family members look after the kids, while you and a male friend or family member go to the house and collect your things?

It's in your best interests in terms of the children to report his behaviour NOW to the police. Social Services will become involved but in the case of domestic abuse, this will likely help you when it comes to custody. Police can accompany you to the house to retrieve your belongings, although not having a key will be tricky as then he will have to allow it. Honestly, do call the police now and get all of this logged. Send an email to school now too to give a brief explanation of why they won't be in school tomorrow.

Try your best to always keep one step ahead of him, so prepare, seek legal advice, be proactive and make those calls now.

How many children do you have. Is he father to them all. How old are they. How did you pay for the hotel. Your safety is the first priority.

They serious won't social services will be your friend in this you have done everything they would expect you to do imperitive that you contact police to start a paper trail and keep yourself safe

Do not worry about social services, be honest with them if it comes to it and tell them everything, they will support you in protecting your children from domestic abuse.
my advice is
report to police, ask them to signpost you to support services.
contact a solicitor
contact the housing team in your local
authority and tell them you are homeless having left to escape domestic abuse.
Good luck OP

Agree, social services will see what a protective mother you are by IMMEDIATELY removing your children from that situation. You did EXACTLY as they would want a parent to do in this situation.

Agree with screenshotting messages. I have been a safeguarding lead in a school. They will be supportive. As your children are safe with you social services will not take them from you and put them with a drunk partner. Work with the school - they will want to have the best outcome for your children. Sadly, it's a far more common situation than you'd think.

Most importantly, well done for taking your children out of the situation x

You've been given loads of good advice here. Are you safe now, are you ok and are you somewhere the children can sleep? If so, breathe. You have done absolutely the right thing to safeguard them.

You sound incredibly brave and a great mum. Please remember that you are so far from being the first woman in this situation, the school will have heard this before. Can you stay with family? If not, a refuge should take you until you are able to apply for benefits and find your feet with housing. Just make sure you keep the messages, screenshot them in case he sobers up and deletes when he comes to his senses. Make sure you call Women's Aid in the morning, after the school.

It will be ok.

Hope you and your children are ok.
Ring the police now and report him and follow their advice. Ring some DA helplines the a PP gave you and get some advice. Ring school first thing in the morning, they will understand about the children not going in and they will support you as much as they can.

Sending love and light, youve done the right thing

Screenshot all the messages to prove his state of mind.

Ring the school tomorrow before it opens and leave a voice message to say the kids won’t be attending.

Do not go home alone tomorrow.
Have someone go with you to collect your belongings and kids uniform.

Stay at a family members or hotel for a few nights and ring the council asap and explain the situation.

I am assuming this isn’t the first time his behaviour has scared you.

Why would they take the children from you?

Your kids can't be taken off you OP, unless you were abusing or neglecting them which isn't the case.
You are being abused and caught in a cycle of abuse and fear.
As hard as it is, you will need to get support with exiting the relationship.
I promise you that there is light and hope ahead.
Sending you strength OP

You left! You picked them up and took them away from violence and aggression and fear.

You are already a hero! You are strong and vital and capable for anything. You've just proved that by just getting the f**k out of there.

You are a hero!

Get in touch with women's aid. YOU call the police, log a verbal abuse incident to have it on file. Keep all evidence of his behaviour. Cars, houses and money are very convenient but can be found again. What can't is your children's wellbeing once he verbally or physically abused one for them you got them away! You are strong and powerful abd I'm impressed by your strong actions.

Women's aid, the citizens advice a d the job centre tomorrow for advice on benefits and next steps. Call the school at 9am. Explain you are fleeing domestic abuse and will endeavour to get the kids into school as soon as their safety is settled. Get ahead of his game.

Call your family now too.

Nobody will suddenly remove your children. You need to phone the police firstly, then email the school or call them in the morning. Then you need a plan. Can you stay with relatives? If so, do that. Take the children, and get some legal advice.