Urgent advice

[ZippyBlueViper]

Hi urgent advice needed,
My relationship hasn't been great for a while, oh come home around 5pm really drunk. Hasn't hit me but has been verbally aggressive. I was scared and kids were scared.
I've loaded them into car and gone. Didn't pack anything just gone.
We're staying too far away for the kids to attend school tomorrow and no uniform etc. Wtf do i do

If you go back you might not get the chance to leave next time.

OP, do you love him?

DO NOT GO BACK DO NOT GO BACK DO NOT GO BACK. Now that he knows you can escape, he will make sure next time you don't. You got lucky this time, but you've escaped his control, and despite him saying all the right things to lure you back, he will be extremely furious about it. DO NOT GO BACK!

So he's been raping you on top of everything else?
Because coercive sex is rape.
Please go to the police and report this truly awful pig of a man.

He IS a rapist.

Did he say that seeing your wardrobe empty masd him realise what he's done, which child is not his, is their father around, he has no control over that child surely and you said he's not interested in the baby and the other child is still a toddler at home. Why don't you have any money of your own if you're self employed where does that money go, are you claiming any benefits you're entitled to. He shouldn't have to make an effort to help around the house of with the children, he should just help without being asked. £150 a month is a joke, what's it supposed to be for, it's all about control.

If he's got loads of money why are the cars on finance

He doesn’t care about you or the children. He’s not even interested in his own child! Only about this son, do you want your son to grow up like this man and treat people like he does? Your son will see his behaviour and copy it, then other girls and women will be threatened and the cycle of abuse will go on and on. You have the power the stop this cycle of abuse. This is coercive control!

Coercive control refers to continuous patterns of behaviour that are intended to exert power or control over a survivor. These behaviours deprive survivors of their independence and can make them feel isolated or scared. Sound familiar?

@ZippyBlueViper you’ve provided a very long list of serious issues with your husband. It’s not one thing, it’s many things that make him abusive and coercive. If you go back he’s going to be worse as he’s seen you try abc escape. He will no doubt isolate you even more. There are many habitual behaviors you list that he won’t change as they are in his nature.

You need to report him to the police. By doing that you are proving that you were in an abusive relationship. You do need proper advice about fleeing domestic violence from CAB but the police can also advise you who to go to. You absolutely can enrol the children in a school elsewhere without his permission. I’d be pursuing a court route - do not go back, the hardest part is done now. You’ll be entitled to benefits but one step at a time. Stay with the safety of your relative, do not go back to the abuse, your children will thank you one day. You CAN do this.

GO TO THE POLICE NOW! the solicitors advice was useless — presumably you didn’t tell them you are being abused?? Go to Women’s Aid, Google DV charities in your area, speak to the school Safeguarding lead - all of these TODAY!!! Protect your children ABOVE ALL ELSE OP, PLEASE!!!

Don't go back, these sort of men don't ever change (my friend's a counsellor who used to volunteer in a women's refuge), it seems he's either been raping or sexually coercing you too, or both. He's almost certain to be angry that you left and will probably take it out on you eventually if you go back.

You need to report him to police.

Why would you even consider going back?

interesting about the school my nephews school said either parent whos got pr can move the kids unless theres a court order and he was moved nothing was done

One child isn't his so not sure he can decide what's best or block a school move

This is an irrelevant and- given the context- irresponsible, harmful comment. We’re talking about safety and traumatising children if OP goes back to this abuser rapist. We should also bear in mind the 2-3 women a week who are actually killed by their partner. Love isn’t a factor here, this man doesn’t know what love is.

If you go back this time do you think you ll be able to get your son out to safety a second time when it turns out he has lied to you to get you back? Him changing and proving himself to you does not require him to be living in the same home as you and the children, if that were really his focus you could seperate for a couple of years (but he can't change, and it ll be easier for him to find another victim to work on) and he would work on himself. It wants you back in the home so he can punish you for daring to leave and intensify the abuse so it's harder for you to get your kids out a second time, for starters I doubt you ll be left with access to a car once he's got you sucked back in
You are in a terrifying situation and it's human nature to convince ourselves that it's easier to go back to what we know and it ll be better than face into a new life, but you have children that cannot make a choice, you HAVE to make the right choice for them

Your making excuses now , I don’t believe you’ve either been to a Solistors or if you did , you havnt told him the full story . Your son may turn out like him when he grows up if you go back . In the meantime , whilst hes a boy he ll manipulate him to hate you then you’ve got no chance of leaving because you won’t be able to convince your boy to go with you and you can’t leave the manipulated boy with him . Please don’t go back . You will regret it .

Exactly this

You cannot trust a word he says.
Stay away.

If he serious he will prove it from a distance and understand your need to do that.

He is not serious.
Stay away.
Let him go thru legal routes for contact

OP this was me too

So many similarities

By going to the police there is extra protection

You gather the evidence
They investigate

He has to answer for what he has done

My bastard was shaking In his boots and crying like a little baby after he tried to kill each and every one of my family
Will spare you the Gorey details

You must never go near this POs ever agin

I know how hard it is

I went back 26 times

No idea how I got out alive to be honest

Don’t go back OP. A ‘failed’ escape is soul destroying. I planned my escape but was then hospitalised with pneumonia and he came to the rescue. I gave up. It was another 15 years before I could reach escape velocity. Don’t be me.

And if you go back he might do something far worse and you won’t need to think ‘what if’!

just take what we need for a week then if we need to leave again quickly we can.

Just don't
Wait for a year to go by
Then trial...

Please see that this all will be good phase is typical script. Oh i love you i will change

Wait a week or so and y9u wil see angry man again even not going back
Do not risk it
Stay away protect your kids

I fear OP may have already gone back. If you have OP, people will understand , but please stay safe and remember you’ve done it once, you can do it again.