Life is pointless when your single

[OnionOnions]

How can you stop feeling like life is pointless empty or sad if you don’t have a partner? I really wish I was one of those people that loved or embraced being single but I don’t I absolutely hate it. The only reason I stay single is because I’m a single parent and have my kids full time so can’t make a relationship work. If I didn’t I would be doing anything I could to find a loving relationship. I just feel life is better when you have someone by your side, to share it with. Is it normal to feel this way? I’m in my 30s so most people are settling down now and I feel like I will be alone forever.

You take up references OP. Check their dbs and childcare qualifications. Do a dry run with you present to introduce your child.

@OnionOnions , I've had to use the Sitters website to get childcare before. I couldn't leave kids unsupervised with XH. Friends and the remaining family that live close to me were unavailable and I had to work. Kids were too young to leave at hoe unsupervised. The childcare I got from Sitters was able to cover the shifts I worked at the weekends and at bank holidays. Needs must, and it was a handy resource to have had.

You seem to live in a very strange bubble op where nobody has any life really. Don’t make any changes if you don’t want to then. Crack on.

I understand. I am separated and have absolutely brilliant relationships with my teens. But my family all live abroad and I see them once a year and I have very very few real friendships. I have people I meet for coffee or drinks occasionally but no real deep friendships since my best friend died seven years ago.

I am sociable, have two hobbies that get me out of the house, have a full time job. But I would love to have someone in my life who thinks I am great. I have a lot of love to give. I don't have deep relationships with my family at all. I am so aware my fantastic teenagers are spreading their wings and will fly away before too long. We are social beings. I would love to mean something to someone other than my children. Nothing wrong with that at all.

I spent a few years as a single mum. Not once did I consider my life to be pointless. I had my DCs, my job and friends.

It's really sad that you think having a man is the main point to life. I think your children would be really hurt by that.

Believe me, a man isn't the answer. Being in a good relationship can bring lots of happiness. Being in a bad one is the worst. And there are plenty of 'average' relationships which are neither here nor there.

If you rely on a man to give point to your life, you will struggle to find true happiness as there is so much more to life. You need to be happy with your own company before you can build a good relationship with someone else.

EDITED : replied to wrong post.

Hang on, in defence of OP you haven’t had her experience then if you only spent “a few years” as a single mum.

And you’re kind of proving her point then, if presumably you did couple up after a few years ,about most single mums not wanting to remain single either.

It’s a bit insensitive for someone who didn’t remain long term single themselves to remonstrate someone else for wanting partnership too.

People are criticising OP, but despite her deep longing for partnership, she has been strong enough to put her kids first and remain single and I think that deserves some credit as many don’t.

So I think you’re being a bit harsh on her. It’s one thing if she was actually bouncing from man to man and introducing all sorts to her children but she’s not. She may be having a “moan” here but in reality she’s doing what’s best for her kids at home, and just coming on here to confide anonymously in other adults about how she feels.

And btw I’ve said upthread I don’t believe in finding your entire identity or purpose in either parenthood or partnership. So it’s not that I share in or endorse what Op has said as such, but I think she deserves some understanding and empathy.

Maybe mention to a couple of local friends or neighbours that you’re looking for a responsible, sensible teenager? I did absolutely loads of babysitting as a teen mostly via word of mouth but also from adverts I put up in local shops but I always offered to go to the family’s house to meet them first so the kids could get a bit familiar with me and also so I could be sure it was somewhere I’d feel safe going (my mum waited in the car). There are also babysitting agencies like Sitters that I used to work for where all the babysitters are qualified childcare professionals.

Fab article in the times today about 'mommunes' - this is the trend for single parents house sharing. Makes so much sense to me! Help with childcare, looking after the house, bills, companionship.

I think we will see a lot more of these in the future. And, good!

Whilst I can understand why you might feel like this, so many relationships too bring complications and drama as you can see on these boards - being single has advantages as well as disadvantages and so do plenty of relationships - I’m sure you will have relationships in the future but for now make the most of things as they are - wishing your life away is doing yourself a great disservice

No chance.

They do, they share 50/50 with ex or have very involved parents.

Thanks but I’m not going to use a random sitter no matter what. Neighbours are elderly or have young children. Friends have young children. No teens not finding one online that’s completely strange to me and not trusting my kids with someone I don’t know whatever references they have.

Living with other women and children? Sounds like hell to me.

If you find life pointless now, then you would find life pointless even if you were in a relationship (once the initial flurry of excitement had settled down)
All life is pointless to an extent - whether you're in a relationship or not.

Thanks, I think most people are missing the fact I’ve been single since my youngest was born 8 years ago.

Jesus Christ. A man is what makes life worthwhile?

what an absolutely tragic perspective.

If you won't use a babysitter with safeguards in place, OP, then you are choosing single life.

Unless you develop a relationship with an existing male friend, I'm not sure how else it can happen for you x

I find life has far more point to it since becoming single.

OP I'd agree with those suggesting therapy and also for the guy who answered early on whose post really unsettled me.

i would use a sitter if it was friends or family but they are not able to. Don’t think I’m unreasonable not to use a stranger.

The more you post, the more I just think you’re depressed op. You are fixating on a solution, and only one, that isn’t real as a means of hope. Go to a doctor

This 💯 Beautiful written and on point

I'm not saying you're unreasonable just that you're making a choice x