Page 7 | Life is pointless when your single

OnionOnions · 2025-12-31T15:17:36+00:00

How can you stop feeling like life is pointless empty or sad if you don’t have a partner? I really wish I was one of those people that loved or embraced being single but I don’t I absolutely hate it. The only reason I stay single is because I’m a single parent and have my kids full time so can’t make a relationship work. If I didn’t I would be doing anything I could to find a loving relationship. I just feel life is better when you have someone by your side, to share it with. Is it normal to feel this way? I’m in my 30s so most people are settling down now and I feel like I will be alone forever.

Zov · 31/12/2025 21:02

Dappy777 · 31/12/2025 20:21

Yes, that’s very true. Many, many women regret having children, but it isn’t always for the reasons people think (the cost, the lack of time, the impact it has on your body and career and dreams etc). For me, it’s simply the fear. Life has its good bits, but it’s mostly shit, and at its worst almost unendurable. I have had moments in my life that I couldn’t bear to re-live.

Deep down, I suspect a lot of parents feel guilty for bringing a child into the world knowing that they are going to suffer. In fact, it’s almost guaranteed. And seeing those we love suffer, and knowing that one day we won’t be here to comfort and support them, eats away at you.

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Speak for yourself. I have never had any fear or regret about having children, and have loved it. Would not change a thing if I could go back 30 years! And why on earth are children going to suffer?! From what? Being alive? Sounds like you (and a few other posters here) are massively projecting.

I know people are trying to make the OP feel better, but with all these tales of how awful most mums (allegedly) find having children - (ya know, secretly, deep down!) 🙄 people are missing one sentient point.

THE OP IS A MOTHER! She has children!!!

So you're actually all making her feel worse than she already does.

Original poster

OnionOnions · 31/12/2025 21:03

Charliede1182 · 31/12/2025 20:54

I have a couple of single never married no kids friends a bit older than me in their 50's and they have the fullest and most interesting lives out of everyone I know, with travel, hobbies, volunteering, work they enjoy and choose their own hours because they only need to pay for themselves not a family.

They also look a lot younger and generally happier and more alive than those in couples especially with kids, they have more time for exercise and self care, no domestic conflict and they only buy/cook food that they want to eat.

They have both said they would like to meet someone but would not be willing to cohabit or alter their lifestyle.

I am married, and like many others often feel far more lonely than at times when I have been single. My husband tolerates me, is bad tempered and has no conversation. He hasn't touched me since two thousand and fecking eleven.

The grass over there might look greener but equally it could just be really lush algae floating on top of a rotten stinking swamp.

Yes the happiest people are said to be single women with no children but that’s with no children which makes a big difference.

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selffellatingouroborosofhate · 31/12/2025 21:11

Zov · 31/12/2025 21:02

Speak for yourself. I have never had any fear or regret about having children, and have loved it. Would not change a thing if I could go back 30 years! And why on earth are children going to suffer?! From what? Being alive? Sounds like you (and a few other posters here) are massively projecting.

I know people are trying to make the OP feel better, but with all these tales of how awful most mums (allegedly) find having children - (ya know, secretly, deep down!) 🙄 people are missing one sentient point.

THE OP IS A MOTHER! She has children!!!

So you're actually all making her feel worse than she already does.

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And why on earth are children going to suffer?! Confused From what? Being alive?

"Life is pain, Highness! Anyone who says differently is selling something."

Or look at Benetar's Assymetry Argument.

Zov · 31/12/2025 21:12

OnionOnions · 31/12/2025 21:03

Yes the happiest people are said to be single women with no children but that’s with no children which makes a big difference.

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That's a myth, perpetuated by a tiny poll done many years ago, featuring a few hundred SINGLE people.

It's not true.

Zov · 31/12/2025 21:13

selffellatingouroborosofhate · 31/12/2025 21:11

And why on earth are children going to suffer?! Confused From what? Being alive?

"Life is pain, Highness! Anyone who says differently is selling something."

Or look at Benetar's Assymetry Argument.

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Nah you're all right. I'll stick to real life ta.

selffellatingouroborosofhate · 31/12/2025 21:20

Zov · 31/12/2025 21:13

Nah you're all right. I'll stick to real life ta.

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David Benetar is a world-ranking philosopher whose arguments are very much rooted in real life, but never mind.

Zov · 31/12/2025 21:26

selffellatingouroborosofhate · 31/12/2025 21:20

David Benetar is a world-ranking philosopher whose arguments are very much rooted in real life, but never mind.

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It's just his views and musings so...........

As I said I will stick to real life...

arethereanyleftatall · 31/12/2025 21:28

Am I allowed to say, I’m single, I have children, and I am without doubt the happiest person I know.

Whu · 31/12/2025 21:38

Sorry you feel this way OP.
I am currently single for the last few years (by choice/ circumstance) and don’t have children (not through choice, sadly).
However, I have a ‘circle’ of close friends, family, a meaningful, impactful job, wonderful pets, hobbies, community, a home etc. I feel lucky and blessed.
Also, even without any of those things I don’t think life is pointless!
I hope you can get support and perhaps therapy to reframe your thinking and how life isn’t dependent on a romantic relationship.

Skybluepinky · 31/12/2025 21:51

Go visit your GP before your mh dips too far.

chellewillnotbebeaten · 31/12/2025 21:57

Life can be lonely with someone, even more so if you’re the default parent. I do get what you mean to an extent if you’re wanting to settle down and have a family. But better to be alone and find happiness than be miserable in a relationship. Being single was some of the best years of my life late 20’s early 30’s.
seek help - u sound like your mental health needs addressing x

Charlenedickens · 31/12/2025 21:58

HeddaGarbled · 31/12/2025 16:01

Look, I accept you’re unhappy, but I actually find your thread title offensive. You might find your life pointless but lots of single people are making significant contributions to humanity and the planet. Sometimes, being single is what allows them the freedom to do it.

This is unacceptable. She's allowed feelings on her own life . She's no t saying anyone else's life is pointless. I'm dismayed at how horrible some folks are being that basically her whole happiness should come from being a parent or that folks only have shit relation ships.

Op, c!early you're struggling being a single parenf. You need to find something outside your kids to fulfil you. Be it work. A hobby, friends, and in time you will find a happy relationship

HeddaGarbled · 31/12/2025 22:19

She's no t saying anyone else's life is pointless

Yes, she is. It’s there in the thread title: “your” life, not “my” life.

I find it offensive too.

Life Is pointless when you’re a woman.
Life is pointless when you’re childless.
Life is pointless when you’re unemployed.
Life is pointless when you’re poor.
Life is pointless when you’re disabled.

Offensive now, isn’t it?

Original poster

OnionOnions · 31/12/2025 22:23

Now you’re just being silly

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arethereanyleftatall · 31/12/2025 22:32

But it isn’t offensive because it’s wrong.

the things that the op is missing from her life aren’t fixed by a man. She is missing support and company. You don’t need a man for either of those.

Friendlygingercat · 31/12/2025 22:59

The worst thing about being single is that you will be financially rinsed to subsidise the lifestyle choices of others.

Some of us do not need a partner to be complete. We are complete in ourselves,

Ontherocksthisyear · 01/01/2026 00:28

Sounds like nothing can be done about it. If you refuse to use a sitter. You might as well focus on the positives, dwelling on it wont do any good.

Clarehandaust · 01/01/2026 00:47

Friendlygingercat · 31/12/2025 22:59

The worst thing about being single is that you will be financially rinsed to subsidise the lifestyle choices of others.

Some of us do not need a partner to be complete. We are complete in ourselves,

But at least nobody can take anything from you

suburberphobe · 01/01/2026 00:58

I only have to read posts on here - why are men such shits nowadays?! - to know I love living alone - I have an adult son, living at home still - no housing - which brings its own problems.

But still, I am free to do what I want, if I want, when I want. Bliss.

What was it that Julia Roberts said? Women are not men's therapists, basically.

StCuntyMcCunterson · 01/01/2026 01:00

harlemshake · 31/12/2025 15:25

I(37m) have been single since my ex left with out child earlier this year, i had all the "I am gonna focus on me" mindset but the lonely dinners, cannot chat to anyone during binge TV shows etc has proved what you are saying here.

Yes i have friends but they go back to their partners and wives/husbands.

We need a partner in life, no matter how social you are with friends. Forget what a lonely person or someone in an unhappy marriage will tell you; It was fun being single in my 20s but in my 30s, all my circle is in relationships or trying to find one.

I am single and my depression is creeping back on day by day.

The Apprentice was just on the other night, I turned it off within 5 minutes because I cannot do commentary alone.

Edited

I’m so sorry you feel this way. It’s just for now and I hope it gets better for you. I’d get a housemate if I could in your situation.

Catza · 01/01/2026 01:09

selffellatingouroborosofhate · 31/12/2025 21:11

And why on earth are children going to suffer?! Confused From what? Being alive?

"Life is pain, Highness! Anyone who says differently is selling something."

Or look at Benetar's Assymetry Argument.

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Here is another quote: "pain is inevitable, suffering is optional".
We suffer because we resisted the reality. We either ruminate about the past or worry about the future. If we truly do our best to live right here right now, we may well find that life is rather wonderful.

crackofdoom · 01/01/2026 01:16

OnionOnions · 31/12/2025 19:51

I don’t know any teens and I wouldn’t use a random one I’m really surprised anyone would. Seems to be a mumsnet thing though I don’t know anyone irl who hires a person from online to look after their kids.

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In real life pretty much everyone uses babysitters. Don't make things harder for yourself than they have to be.

LeftoversAgain · 01/01/2026 01:21

@OnionOnions Just wanted to add that I empathise even though im in a better situation as i do have childcare. I've been a single parent for 10 years now and although ive dated briefly, just one person felt like he was the one, then we split because he wanted someone who had more availability for him. But my god i was so blissfully happy for that time. It was exhilarating to feel that way. And outside that year, life has felt so incredibly lonely.

I have so many friends but like you say, they go back to their partners. I do family events but its always myself and the children amongst traditional set ups. I do all the school stuff and especially with sports stuff, just me and a load of the dad's. Im a good mum but im allowed to want what others have. Not everyone wants to be alone. And yes, there may be unhappy ones but I know quite a few really happy ones! Honestly im older than you so I think look into dating when the kids are maybe slightly older etc. Im positive its easier at your age than later.

Original poster

OnionOnions · 01/01/2026 01:25

crackofdoom · 01/01/2026 01:16

In real life pretty much everyone uses babysitters. Don't make things harder for yourself than they have to be.

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Not ones that they’ve found online. I’ve never known a single person to ever do that. It’s friends or family only. I don’t have a single person I’ve ever known to employ a stranger from online! Never heard of that, only on mumsnet.

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Original poster

OnionOnions · 01/01/2026 01:31

LeftoversAgain · 01/01/2026 01:21

@OnionOnions Just wanted to add that I empathise even though im in a better situation as i do have childcare. I've been a single parent for 10 years now and although ive dated briefly, just one person felt like he was the one, then we split because he wanted someone who had more availability for him. But my god i was so blissfully happy for that time. It was exhilarating to feel that way. And outside that year, life has felt so incredibly lonely.

I have so many friends but like you say, they go back to their partners. I do family events but its always myself and the children amongst traditional set ups. I do all the school stuff and especially with sports stuff, just me and a load of the dad's. Im a good mum but im allowed to want what others have. Not everyone wants to be alone. And yes, there may be unhappy ones but I know quite a few really happy ones! Honestly im older than you so I think look into dating when the kids are maybe slightly older etc. Im positive its easier at your age than later.

Thank you. It really helps when people can relate.

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