Hi all, I’m looking for some outside perspective because I feel very emotionally tangled and can’t tell anymore what’s reasonable.
I live in a house I own outright. My partner has lived with me for 2 years and has paid bills but no rent/mortgage. He owns another property which he rents out and has built up significant savings while living here.
We have a toddler together and I’m currently 8 weeks pregnant.
Recently I told him I had an appointment booked with a solicitor in the new year to discuss a cohabitation agreement, mainly to get clarity and protect both sides as fundamental he has been pushing me for a declaration of trust. I’ve now been advised legally not to sign the agreement he wants, which includes a declaration of trust over my house and ownership of % of equity.
Since then, things have escalated. He says he won’t sign anything unless it includes the declaration of trust, says the relationship “isn’t getting him anywhere”, and has withdrawn emotionally. He’s also said he won’t contribute to a nanny for the first 9 months (which I need in order to keep my business running), as he said it’s my own fault as I don’t have a proper job where I get mat leave for 9 months.
He’s also blaming me, saying I’m emotional, that I “started this”, and that he can’t cope with “another pregnancy like last time”. I feel like my feelings are being framed as the problem rather than the actual issue.
I don’t want to be questioning whether I can cope with another baby on my own — I want stability and safety — but I also don’t feel I can trust him or make decisions under this kind of pressure. Then I start to question if I can cope on my own financially let alone emotionally.
I’m questioning whether I’m being unfair or overreacting by refusing to sign what he wants, or whether this is a red flag and I need to stand my ground, especially for my child.
I’d really appreciate some calm, honest outside opinions