Cohabitation agreement vs declaration of trust- while pregnant

[Janet198712]

Hi all, I’m looking for some outside perspective because I feel very emotionally tangled and can’t tell anymore what’s reasonable.

I live in a house I own outright. My partner has lived with me for 2 years and has paid bills but no rent/mortgage. He owns another property which he rents out and has built up significant savings while living here.

We have a toddler together and I’m currently 8 weeks pregnant.

Recently I told him I had an appointment booked with a solicitor in the new year to discuss a cohabitation agreement, mainly to get clarity and protect both sides as fundamental he has been pushing me for a declaration of trust. I’ve now been advised legally not to sign the agreement he wants, which includes a declaration of trust over my house and ownership of % of equity.

Since then, things have escalated. He says he won’t sign anything unless it includes the declaration of trust, says the relationship “isn’t getting him anywhere”, and has withdrawn emotionally. He’s also said he won’t contribute to a nanny for the first 9 months (which I need in order to keep my business running), as he said it’s my own fault as I don’t have a proper job where I get mat leave for 9 months.

He’s also blaming me, saying I’m emotional, that I “started this”, and that he can’t cope with “another pregnancy like last time”. I feel like my feelings are being framed as the problem rather than the actual issue.

I don’t want to be questioning whether I can cope with another baby on my own — I want stability and safety — but I also don’t feel I can trust him or make decisions under this kind of pressure. Then I start to question if I can cope on my own financially let alone emotionally.

I’m questioning whether I’m being unfair or overreacting by refusing to sign what he wants, or whether this is a red flag and I need to stand my ground, especially for my child.

I’d really appreciate some calm, honest outside opinions

He’s a grabby freeloading prick who wants to get his pieces of silver from you while offering nothing in return.

Never ever ever let a man put a claim on a home you own.

Hes mercenary’ as fuck and would see his own kids screwed over to line his own pockets

Please do not under any circumstances agree to this - he will fuck you over. Sorry but this is not a good nan - he sees you as a cash cow

He sounds terrible. What’s yours is his and what’s his is also his.

Actually it does.

This is not a rental agreement, so if he can prove he has paid a percentage of the total value of the house off then he can claim that back in the event of a split.

However I am a little confused as the OP says he hasnt contributed to the mortgage but her latest posts suggests he has.

@Janet198712 Has he, until now, paid anything towards the mortgage or has he only paid his share of the household bills? Has he paid anything towards major up keep such as decorating, new kitchen etc?

Why would he think he is entitled to a piece of your house?

Do not endanger the roof over your child’s head.

Who does he think will look after his DC when he is at work?

You can not build a family with a man who is trying to fleece you.

Oooh this makes me so angry OP. He's manipulating you and he knows full well this is an absolute piss take but he's seeing how low a bar you will accept.
End this relationship now.
I can tell you from experience, as can thousands of other mothers, that raising your children without being in a relationship with this loser will be much easier than trying to do it while he undermines you and plays games and controls you.

You will be in control, you are obviously competent and successful. You have a house you own outright and your own business. Please realise you and your children will have a much happier, easier and calmer life if you dump him now. It isn't so hard. Much, much harder for many long years to stay with him. Not to mention he will make you poorer.

If you and him want that financial security, you should get married. (Personally, id get a pre nup to protect my assets.)
Otherwise dump him, claim child maintenance and kick him out.

@Janet198712

Re-read your OP and it says that you own your house outright, so no mortgage on it. Is that correct?

So does this DoT he wants you to sign mean that he will pay £300 a month to you in exchange for 25% of the increased value in the period he has paid this money PLUS the money itself back? Is that correct?

Because if it is then thats further proof that he simply sees this as an easy "investment opp" rather than building a family home!

Honestly just cut this loose now. I know its hard but take it from those on MN (and sadly there are more than a few) but if you dont you will regret it when (not if) this guy fucks off and then fucks you over.

No amount of "building a family" years will make up for losing your home to him and you and your kids having to start again.

I concede it matters legally but morally absolutely doesn’t. He has to pay to live somewhere that was my point

He's saving money while living with you. He would have to pay bills whenever he lived. At the moment, he's renting his home and making money off of that. You aren't gaining anything but the pleasure of his company.

I wouldn't sign anything.giving him 25% of the value gained in equity makes you financially vulnerable. All the while, you are facilitating his living rent free, allowing him to rent out his place.

Instead of extending his long hand for your equity he should be paying money to live in your home because no one lived for free. Well, no one except him and all the other cocklodgers.

Tell him to get the F out. I imagine he'll drop the equity request because he s already making money off your back. However, I think you should dump his arse because he's trying to prey on your vulnerability and fleece you financially. Its all very self serving.

He is NOT entitled to even 1% of your house or its equity. He hasn’t paid a penny and is literally taking his child’s house from under their feet. Why are you even considering this? You don’t need legal advice just say no end of discussion. Unless he puts his house on the table it’s a no go.

Did he know you owned your own home mortgage free early in your relationship OP? It does seem he saw you coming and he’s manipulated the situation to make money from you,

You do realise that if you split up he can force you to sell the house?

No good solicitor in their right mind would give you a pen to sign.

See them hills OP? well you ought to be running for them!

Split up and share childcare. You might not need a nanny then too.

You both have houses and he's got a chunk of money he's saved up because he's been living at yours rent free. Does that mean financially you're fairly equal?

You've got two kids. To me it's at the point (well way past really) that either: you love each other, want to be a family, get married and share everything - or - you don't really love each other and split up.

I wouldn't be getting into all these weird agreements or signing anything except a marriage certificate. Unfortunately I suspect he's not interested in sharing assets and becoming a family and the only option is to split.

It does matter when you break up - he can make a claim

you have to be very clear the rent he gives you is for bills only

If he is contributing 25% of the mortgage and 50% of bills (including childcare and maintenance of the house), then that is fair enough. You have said he isn’t contributing and there is some confusion about that. Even if he is contributing £300 to the mortgage but not willing to contribute to a nanny because you don’t have a “real job”, he’s not contributing properly. I imagine if he is contributing towards the mortgage but not the maintenance or childcare he’s doing it hoping to claim later. You need to see a solicitor ASAP and protect your asset.

He sees his house as his retirement pot. Not your collective retirement pot. Not something to help your kids get on the ladder. His retirement pot, just his. He’s not prepared to share that or pay for a nanny so you can continue working, save your business and continue contributing to your pension pot.

This.
Dont sign anything which will not benefit you.
Just don’t.

If you didn’t live together and you claimed CMS how much would he have to give you?

Sadly it sounds as if you are a single parent tbh. He sees the DC has your sole responsibility and cost.

I assume he has no interest in marriage with you either?

He's in this relationship for financial gain and he just made that very clear. He wants you to sign over part of your home but he won't do the same. This is transactional on his side and he expects you to support yourself, your toddler, and him when you should be on maternity leave.

Consider termination and get out of this relationship.

He has financially benefitted by living at your place while he saves his money and has rental income. He's a pay to play guy and you'd be foolish to have another child with him.

Do NOT sign any papers he gives you.

You might need to get legal advice here.

Currently he only pays £300 which is clearly just for bills. He also currently splits the childcare costs 50/05 of our first child. He didn’t pay for the nanny for the first 9 months when my first was born as again he claimed it was my fault I didn’t get maternity pay. I managed to go back to work at 8 weeks and kept her with me but also with the nanny so I never left her until 9 months but It continued run my business which has employees so had to carry on.
my house is mortgaged but I have a large amount in the house.
I am asking him for an extra £300 a month to help me which in my head is rent- I have offered a tenancy agreement and also a cohabitation agreement/ and also discussed both houses in but he doesn’t want this.

But my legal advice is saying no to the declaration of trust- the legal advice is costing me thousands too and when I discuss it, the conversation is just closed and he says it’s only his way now which is the declaration of trust. So we are at a point where I’m abit stuck. And pregnant, and need more safety and support .

So the legal advisor that you’ve paid thousands for is the advice that you need to take.
That’s it
He can take it or leave it or he can fuck off and I know which one I’m hoping for

I’ve discussed with my family and they all say no but we are growing a family so need to be committed: I have asked his family to help and they say he will only do something if it’s his idea. This is why I have for 2 years not pushed for any other money from him but now I’m pregnant again I really need some more help. I also do all nursery drop off and collections apart from one, which is very hard work working such a hard demanding job.

he doesn’t pay for any of the home improvements but he does help keep the house tidy and looks after the house as such.

Sorry, why does he think he's entitled to a percentage of your property but you're not entitled to a percentage of his? Am I missing something? On the face of it, that is grossly unfair and no way would I be signing anything giving him any rights to your property. He sounds like he's just out to get what he can.

If I were you, id be telling him he can start by paying you rent and half the bills, including childcare. Then I would get some independent legal advice. I'd also start planning how you can manage alone with 2 children as it doesn't sound like he is going to stick around.

I actually think the person who has written that he doesn’t actually like me maybe right.

He’s an absolute prick and you were a fool to go on and have a second child with him after seeing how he treated you with the first.

He doesn’t see you as a family or a team at all.

The only one wanting to commit here is you and he sees you and your children as not his problem.