Cohabitation agreement vs declaration of trust- while pregnant

[Janet198712]

Hi all, I’m looking for some outside perspective because I feel very emotionally tangled and can’t tell anymore what’s reasonable.

I live in a house I own outright. My partner has lived with me for 2 years and has paid bills but no rent/mortgage. He owns another property which he rents out and has built up significant savings while living here.

We have a toddler together and I’m currently 8 weeks pregnant.

Recently I told him I had an appointment booked with a solicitor in the new year to discuss a cohabitation agreement, mainly to get clarity and protect both sides as fundamental he has been pushing me for a declaration of trust. I’ve now been advised legally not to sign the agreement he wants, which includes a declaration of trust over my house and ownership of % of equity.

Since then, things have escalated. He says he won’t sign anything unless it includes the declaration of trust, says the relationship “isn’t getting him anywhere”, and has withdrawn emotionally. He’s also said he won’t contribute to a nanny for the first 9 months (which I need in order to keep my business running), as he said it’s my own fault as I don’t have a proper job where I get mat leave for 9 months.

He’s also blaming me, saying I’m emotional, that I “started this”, and that he can’t cope with “another pregnancy like last time”. I feel like my feelings are being framed as the problem rather than the actual issue.

I don’t want to be questioning whether I can cope with another baby on my own — I want stability and safety — but I also don’t feel I can trust him or make decisions under this kind of pressure. Then I start to question if I can cope on my own financially let alone emotionally.

I’m questioning whether I’m being unfair or overreacting by refusing to sign what he wants, or whether this is a red flag and I need to stand my ground, especially for my child.

I’d really appreciate some calm, honest outside opinions

I'd be thinking I'll be good on my own thanks.

Run for the hills. Easy for a stranger to say as not emotionally involved but he sounds horrendous op.

Hardly a romantic proposal is it!!

I don’t have a proper job where I get mat leave for 9 months.
Huh? Is his job not good enough to give him
9months pat leave? Why didn’t he sort that out? Why is it just your responsibility to look after your shared children? I’m so confused that you accepted that the first time and then stayed with him and had a second baby tbh.
He wants a percentage of your house but doesn’t want you to have a percentage of his house, that’s clearly unfair and you both know it. He’s also just being horrible to you.

I would ask him to move out. He can move back into the house he pays for and you keep your house. I’d claim child maintenance from him and he can pay some money towards the kids. You’re paying unfairly for everything anyway, I imagine you’re doing more childcare since it seems to be your responsibility, and he’s not kind or a good emotional support. So if he moves out (he can find somewhere to go, it’s his problem if his house isn’t free, his fault for not having a job good enough to keep it going without renting it out) At least you won’t also be losing a percentage of your home and showing your children this is what a marriage and partnership looks like. Because it isn’t.

FFS, take the third!

Here was me hoping you were going to get the silent treatment, For your own good

What a prince! He's using your condition to manipulate you!
Is no prenup option because you are more wealthy?
Honestly, he sounds like an arsehole. Can you downsize and manage without his measly £300? Or ask for family's help until your baby is older?
Sincerely wishing you all the best for the pregnancy x

Wow - he’s an absolute cocklodger and has zero shame about it

Im sorry OP but it does seem like he deliberately saw you coming and thought he’d found himself a meal ticket.

In your shoes I’d go for option 3 and tell him to move out with immediate effect.

He’s pretty much told you he doesn’t care about you or your DC, only your bank balance and assets.

What a disgusting grabby man

I'd take the third option, and consider other options at 8 weeks pregnant.

No-brainer.

Three......is the magic number!

You'll get more than £250 in child support and will lose the cost of his food etc.

If you are setting up a marriage like contract without a marriage, then all assets should be on the table.

I also would not be with a man who did not consider it his responsibility to financially support a woman during maternity leave. Expecting her to take the financial burden for a shared child is essentially theft. I’m sorry you already are tied to him, but that doesn’t mean you have to accept this kind of treatment going forward.

Option 3 every time I get that it's scary but he's manipulative and abusive.

It's your property tell him to leave. You have time to build up a saving pot towards maternity and he will have to pay child support.

Omg please do your kids a favour and just break up with him.

Three!

3
3
3
3
3
3
Please 3.

The way he is talking to you, it possible and reminds me of my child’s father who was awful to me then left when I was pregnant.

aside from this and speaking only practically, please don’t marry him (if that’s on the table). He should be paying you rent to cover the mortgage interest at least. If he wants a share of your property then you should have a share of his property, and it’s rental income - surely he can see that’s fair - but it’s a lot cleaner to keep things separate. Why would he be doing a declaration of trust for a home he doesn’t pay into, that’s insane?!

to cover your nanny, you can either charge him rent or kick him out and charge him
child maintenance.

he is so nasty for saying it’s your fault you don’t have mat leave. Most people don’t past three months and he knew all that when he got you pregnant. He doenst seem to care about supporting you at all. Can you kick him out and move your mum in?

He's told you all you need to know. Look at this as a lucky escape. Make sure you put in a claim for child maintenance. He might be able to walk away from you but he is still financially responsible for his children.

The silent treatment brings back so many horrible memories. It’s abusive. Op I wasn’t strong enough to leave him while I was pregnant but he left me due to the stress of me trying to express feelings to him and trying to fix us. This was so devastating at the time. But the best thing ever. You can do this, you can be a great mum without him in the home, with no bully there you’ll be happier and thrive. Start following some single mum accounts online your algorithms will help send you helpful stuff.

Just dump him. He's a cocklodger. He will always do whatever benifits him the most. Is options dont benefit you or your kids. They are all to your financial detriment. Well all except dumping him and hes hoping that your need to nest and your vulnerablity will stop you doing that. Don't let him use your love of your kids and your desire to give them a family to fuck you financially and manipulate you. Family's come in all different shapes and sizes. You can give them the family they deserve without paying him for the privilege and his toxicity.

I think he's repulsive. After all of thatbi couldn't look at him the same let alone love him. He's gross.

Take option 3
He's an abusive man who is guilty of coersive control.
He needs to leave asap and you need to put in a cms claim today.
This is not someone you can trust hes trying to steal your and your childrens home and you risk being made homeless by this thieving bullying twat

LTB

Hrs living the life of Riley at your expense -£300 a month and he thinks he’s doing you a favour! Hrs laughing all the way to the bank and he still wants more - what a greedy tosser

Option 3

Please listen to what everyone is saying OP.
He is only interested in the money and not treating you like he loves you.
He will only get worse!!!
Get him to leave and claim child maintenance. It might be difficult and feel wrong for a while but it's the right thing to do. The longer you let this go on the more difficult it will be to get away.
What ever you do don't sign the trust thing or marry him.
Why does he think the care of your children falls solely to you, that is a red flag in itself

Where in this country can one pay 300 quid for rent and bills included?

He's taking the piss.

Seriously consider termination/ being a single parent to 2 and getting rid of him. He sounds awful and not ever previously supportive. Signing the dodgy declaration will not make him more supportive. It will just give him access to property he hasn't worked for.