Bad sex. New relationship. Small penis

[Ohblimey2025]

I've met a very nice man who ticks all the boxes, but is absolutely dreadful in bed. I don't think it helps that his penis isn't very big and he also has a bit of a tummy.
He's only slept with a couple of women (we are in our 50s) and literally has no clue! He's very religious (I'm not), so finds it hard to talk about sex. I've had to fake it every time we've had sex as he's so disappointed with himself if I don't cum.
Can old dogs be taught new tricks? I've even intoduced toys but don't enjoy them as he thinks it's a failure on his behalf.
I've had a full filling sex life with other men over the years so I'm sort of astounded that someone can be still be this bad in their 50s.
Constructive and gentle feedback only please.

Could you maybe watch a ( mildish ) porn film together ?
You say he his a big tummy , could he be laid down and you on top ?

You have to talk to him about this, no matter how difficult he finds it. Really big up his other amazing qualities to make him feel good about himself. Do not mention the negative things you wrote about his body, focus on fun things you can both do together. Maybe see a sex therapist? You can’t go on if he won’t work with you to improve things.

I do not think that you are suited. The end sorry OP.

Dump. It will not get better. At 50, it will be very hard to change how he does things.

You could try to train him. Doubt it would be improved that much.

So what attracted you to him in the first place?

Honestly, if he is that age and so inexperienced (I’m assuming) due to some sort of religious indoctrination he’s going to be full of hang ups and I don’t know if I’d have the energy or inclination to reprogram him. I guess he could go away and work on himself, but I’d shy away of making him some sort of project.

When you add in his insecurity, reluctance to discuss sex and his religious beliefs which will always colour his views on sex, this is way too much to try to overcome for a new relationship. Even though he is a nice person, I would have to throw him back. Find someone who suits you better.

It's a no.

Relationships need a spark or chemistry of some kind.

Starting a relationship with counselling? Hmmm no thank you.

Religious. Yuk
Unable to discuss things at this age. Yuk
Tummy.Yuk
Small penis. Yuk.
You can't change the hang ups he has. He's far too old to get rid of them.
I wouldn't fancy a man with a tummy and , from the tone of your Op, I'd say you are the same. That can be worked on but you should fancy him for who he is not who he could be.
Small penis. That's not going to change

You shouldn't have to take on a project. Do this thing, do that thing and it will work. At this stage in the relationship it should just work. No one needs to be rescued . Throw him back

Good sex can definitely be taught. How small is small though?

Ick. I would be gone.

I think you either accept that you've had plenty of fantastic sex in the past and you can live on your memories, and hope things improve in the bedroom, or you try talking to him to introduce different locations around the house and get a bit excited after a few drinks, see what he's like, or just accept you're not going to fundamentally change someone's ways at this time of life, and you are grateful for his other presumably loving and kind qualities.

I never fake it, I make it clear, in a nice way, that it didn't happen for me this time, it was a nice feeling, but hopefully it will happen, i will orgasm, next time if we try this or this.

Basically you sort yourself out in front of him, if you have to. Because all the happy hormones will come then, and you'll feel better about it all. And give it half a chance.

And if you can't do that,but you can use toys, which i don't currently like, then there's an issue imo.

You cannot pander to other people's feelings to that extent.
Its a slippery slope.
Quite literally 😅

Unfortunately that's a perfect storm of an inexperienced man who is also unwilling or unable to have a grown up bit of feedback for your mutual benefit. Either he needs to be more open to the conversation around improving things, you resign yourself to a one sided experience or you break up.

Sorry but what the hell are you doing faking it? That's probably how he got through his previous relationships without much thought. To spare his feelings? They don't need to be spared. Even if he had no penis at all, he could still make you orgasm. Stop faking, let him be "disappointed". He's a big boy, he'll cope.
And maybe, just maybe, he'll do something about it.

Most men in their 50s are going to have a bit of a tummy.

I can't see it ever improving if he's been religiously brainwashed to the extent he really can't talk about this stuff.

I'd give this one a miss. Having a relationship where you can't talk about absolutely everything is never worth it. The belly will grow bigger with age most likely and he will get even lazier in bed, it's not looking promising.

It’s a bit much having small penis in the title of this post, I mean there is zero can be done about that (if a man posted something like this about a woman’s vagina there would be uproar here) . Sounds like he is crap in bed regardless and you aren’t sexually attracted to him. Time to move on I think.

I agree, although my husband is 63 and doesn't have a tummy. The fact that Op mentions a tummy would suggest it is more than a little bit of padding. Plus small penis/tummy combination is going to make it even harder for the new man to 'hit the spot'

This is a major mountain OP, unless you are prepared for couples therapy and god knows what, I would move on.

The lack of technique is bad but being hung up about sex is the killer. If he can't discuss it and is so sensitive you have to fake it (why are you doing this?!) it's just too much work.

The not being well hung isn't the end of the world, the attitude is

This.
And most women too. I read it that the OP is saying some positions are not ideal because of these features, I didn't read it as a turn off per se.

How many gym bunnies out there demanding perfect physiques fgs!

A lot of pleasure starts in the brain, in the mind.
Its not purely physical is it?

Not for me.
One day something simple could get me going, other days I feel pretty dead cos I'm tired and not that into it. Or something has upset me.

Men are generally, and I've experienced first hand not all, quite mechanical about sex and orgasming.

I've had the opposite though, where he struggled to orgasm on too many occasions. Not my responsibility. Never properly resolved.

Stop faking it. There's nothing worse than a man who navel gazes about being a failure at sex and just expects his partner to pretend.

Tell him you want to improve your sex life and if he whines then you have a choice to make. There are other ways to have sex than penetration and he needs to learn them.

Life’s too short for bad sex and a small dick. Dump.

Dump. Pronto. Please.