Bad sex. New relationship. Small penis

[Ohblimey2025]

I've met a very nice man who ticks all the boxes, but is absolutely dreadful in bed. I don't think it helps that his penis isn't very big and he also has a bit of a tummy.
He's only slept with a couple of women (we are in our 50s) and literally has no clue! He's very religious (I'm not), so finds it hard to talk about sex. I've had to fake it every time we've had sex as he's so disappointed with himself if I don't cum.
Can old dogs be taught new tricks? I've even intoduced toys but don't enjoy them as he thinks it's a failure on his behalf.
I've had a full filling sex life with other men over the years so I'm sort of astounded that someone can be still be this bad in their 50s.
Constructive and gentle feedback only please.

Just reread the post; says nothing about his ego. He sounds underconfident and reticent but not egotistical. Again, the OP likes the guy. He's a nice man, she says. She's looking for a way forward with him.

Exactly, its not about a project, he's flawed, and she is flawed, (because all of us are) and its about trying to make it work together, if she wants to and he wants to.

He’s not going to change and I doubt he can be taught.
Nothing wrong with being religious, and he can’t do much about the size of anything. But that doesn’t mean he can carry on being crap.
At this stage, it’s a choice. You don’t have to watch porn or buy toys to get an idea, either.
You are not his teacher and may his age I doubt he wants to learn.

Try oral alternatively.

OP just move on.

Life is too short to take on someone who is overly religious and reached his 50s without having learned anything about pleasuring a woman.

I've even intoduced toys but don't enjoy them as he thinks it's a failure on his behalf.

If a man would rather his female partner didn't enjoy sex because he feels sex toys are a 'failure' on his part then his ego is more important than her pleasure.

Break up with him but I'm curious how you didn't sense the issues before? Sexual chemistry starts out of the bedroom, penis size is estimateable from appearance and having a tummy is obvious! Surely given your experience you can ascertain who will be a good compatible match or not? Just don't drag it out any longer.

The reason he's so bad in bed is because he's unwilling to discuss anything or switch anything up.

You've already tried with bringing toys into the equation and his reaction is to get offended. He's not going to change at this age.

Sorry, you can estimate penis size from appearance? How? 😭😂

Yeah he is a failure in bed, but rather than try to do something about it he sulks about the introduction of toys. Between that and the 'big tummy' I'd have the complete ick. I'm 50 and definitely not a gym bunny, I'm not expecting a six pack but I want someone trim. Chuck this one back.

My feedback is constructive but not especially gentle: end it. Find someone you are compatible with. The religion thing would put me off even if the sex was amazing. There is no way to make a relationship work when one person is of faith and the other isn't: fine for a friendship, but not a serious romantic relationship.

Spot on!

Your update tells me that no matter how much you try, the sex with this man is never going to be really compatible with your expectations and experience.
He's used to duty sex with his ex wife who probably wasn't ever attracted to him in the first place. If anything like me, their parents pushed them together. Recipe for disaster. But this is why he is inexperienced and unskilled in bed.

Not necessarily. He's sexually inexperienced. He views on sex toys would be coloured by that, not by ego. Experience would show that sex toys enhance sex, and a sign of trust between a couple. He doesn't have the experience to realise that and sees them as a reflection on his performance. Ego and misogyny aren't the issue; if they were the OP wouldn't be with him. The issue is his unwillingness to talk.

Gosh. For me - the small penis, tum and inexperience would just about be ok for me to try and make it work/teach/experiment (if I still found him sexually attractive and he was great in other ways).

But - the insecurities and hang-ups would be a step too far. He won't learn and improve in bed if he is sensitive and defensive. If you want to give him a shot to show he can develop, then you could gently but openly/frankly talk to him about this (and probably need to fess up to faking for this to work).

Otherwise, if a good sex life is important to you, 'fraid this one needs to put back in the dating pool, Nice but not for you.

As soon as I pressed send I KNEW someone will pick on this point 😆😆 followed by others saying well no you can't!

In my experience, hands, feet and nose give a good idea. Height isn't the best penis size indicator but of course it does add overall attractiveness for a man to be tall. For most men their penis resembles their fingers. I'm sure there are exceptions but this has generally been proved right.
I will also add that size isn't the be and end all of good sex!

Maybe keep him as a friend.
PS No idea why toys would be thought of as a good idea with a man who does not have a clue!

Don’t fake it, I never have, it discourages people from learning. I think also a lot of men don’t really get womens orgasms, many think all you need is PIV.

Not sexual compatible

Yeh don’t fake it, that’s helping nothing. It’s up to you if you can be arsed to teach him and also if he’d be receptive to learning. Doesn’t sound like it tbh.

Did you think your opinion is the only one? If the PP thought he sounded egotistical, and i agree in respect of sex, she's allowed that opinion just as much as you're allowed yours.
We don't need your policing, thanks.

Would you be comfortable introducing a small vibrator into the mix?

Leave girl 😭

Sorry to the man and his penis

Hahah I just couldn’t leave not knowing!

I’m going to be looking at men’s hands funny from now on. It’s accurate to DH at least so I believe in your power. 😂

Why is the sex bad.. just because he has small penis?