Lied about his age - sackable offence?

[Crumpet444]

Been seeing a guy for nearly 2 months. Met online, his age was 48 on his profile. I am 36, I generally have no issue with guys being a bit older, in fact have always dated men older than me.

First date was actually on his birthday which I didn’t realise until the day itself, he said he was 48 ON his birthday but the app changed to 49. I asked him about it and he said no, he was 48, so I assumed it was an error on the app. One year, no biggie.

However, I did a google search the other day out of curiosity, given I am getting a bit more invested and wanted to just check everything checks out, everything going well and I really like him - Seems mutual and we both want something serious. He is listed as a director for something on companies house, birth year 1971 which makes him 54!! Definitely him as the company tallies up with what he told me, his name isn’t common and month was correct.

AIBU to be a bit pissed off about this?! I get shaving a few years off for the app, but fess up straight away surely, especially when I asked him directly about it and he lied. I get it may be an insecurity thing but it’s not so much the age that’s an issue but the lying. It also means there is far more of a substantial age gap between us than I realised. FWIW he looks very good for his age!

I guess I’ll have to be the on to bring it up won’t I? And confess I was googling 😂 or is it likely companies house is wrong?!

Ridiculous post. Stop trying to make out OP is the problem. She's done nothing wrong.

I lied about my age when OLD, although looking back it seems so silly as I only did it by a few years, so saying I was 25 when I was 27 😂. I don't think it means much to lie like that on OLD. People do it for a few reasons and it doesn't mean they're liars in general. I do think it's bad that he lied when you questioned him directly. I'd see how he reacts when you present what you've found out. Though first like others have said have a serious think. 18 years is a big gap. If you do want children it's not ideal. There's a higher chance of issues with such an older parent. Also out with children, you said he's young looking and energetic but that will likely fade as his age catches up to him. It's just a fact of life unfortunately.

It’ll be because a lot of people filter out over 50’s
putting it under 50 makes him pop up on more people’s searches

He could have admitted it when you questioned him and said it was a silly thing he did to try and impress women, he realises now how stupid it was and he’s actually 54. That I would have forgiven and moved past.

Instead he stuck to the lie. What else is he lying to you about? I’d walk away now, not worth the risk.

But he lied to her face when asked and it's still manipulative, if people don't want over a certain age he should respect their choice and boundary...but it's the arrogance that he can change their mind or pass for taller or younger that makes them lie. Tough luck if you're filtered out, accept it.

When you get to your age you realise it's not a big deal to knock a chunk off your age so you can trick much younger people into dating you, who might not want to date someone old enough to be their parent? Yeah, funny that.

It's a no from me. 48 would be too old for me if I was 36 anyway. The top age I would consider would be 3-4 years older than me. I mean I know you can't help who you fall in love with, but I have never been attracted to men any more than 3-4 years older than me.

54 (if I'm only 36,) is an absolute big fat no. You will very likely be (as is often said on here,) his carer in about 15 years, when you are only in your early 50s, and should be living your best life. I also wouldn't want children with a man who will be a pensioner before the children even leave school! 😬

.

You know,men do this on their CV too, apply underqualified, lie and exaggerate achievements... tut tut

Blimey. I’m 36 and I wouldn’t date a 54 year old. Same as I wouldn’t date an 18 year old 🤣

Sorry OP, not the point. Yes he lied, even if you weren’t bothered by the age, the lie would be enough.

I don't like people who aren't content with who they are, so lies about age, height, qualifications anything like that really gives me the ick. He has an opportunity to come clean and didn't. He also took off quite a few years! 1 or 2, fine, but 6?!

I am very disappointed that yet again I can’t just be fully relaxed or excited about it.

Don’t feel bad OP it’s not your fault.

As you say, he probably lied to widen his dating choices (not good) and then wanted you to get to know him before coming clean.

There may not have been anything intentionally malicious behind it.

But you are right to get rid of him because you cannot trust someone who lies.

Don’t take it personally though.
It is crap but it’s only been 2 months. If you decided to carry on seeing him then you’d probably find he’s a bit of a twat or you’re just not compatible or something.
You are disappointed about what could have been but the truth is it probably never would have got to that stage, even if he hadn’t lied.

You’ll find someone else.

If you really like him and aren’t bothered about the age gap I’d give him another chance, as someone else has suggested. I don’t think it’s unreasonable for you to have been checking him out online - there are a lot of plausible weirdos around.

I understand you wanting authenticity and honesty, but demanding those on a first date is a bit different. Yes he should have come clean subsequently, though.

Well exactly. It's sensible to Google someone

I wouldn't want to date a liar and I also wouldn't want to be with someone who was 18 years older than me. That is a BIG age gap. Sure, he seems youthful and fun and whatever, but you're of different generations and if you stay together at some point he'll be an old man. When you're 54 he'll be 72. I'm 52 and I wouldn't want to be someone of 70.

So he is 54, he already has DC and is telling you he is seeking younger women so he can have more DC? Bull shit

He's lying. He doesn't want babies. He wants a younger woman to shag now and become his carer later.

Older men who seek significantly younger women are just immature. They don't see the value of growing old together and your relationship deepening

If you have DC with him right now, he will be 72 when your DC is 18. Also he will do zero of the grunt work parenting. I know zero men in their 50s, who already have DC that want to do the early years parenting again.

He's lied to you about his age & his intentions

A liar and also a bit thick surely? What’s his plan/end game here? It’s the kind of lie that builds in significance over time and will impact your ability to e.g. meet his family and friends, live together (cos seeing documents) even go on hols as he will have to show you his passport! So I’d be inclined to chuck him back. Also at 36, 54 is a LOT older and probably not ideal for long term if you’re wanting kids etc.

Absolutely. You may think it is fine now, but in 20 years time you would be age 56, and would undoubtedly have different wants and needs to a 74 year old man (who may not have aged well, and may have care needs / mobility issues etc). You may also (at age 56) have increasing responsibilities with helping look after elderly / frail parents, and may also have a variety of teenage children in the mix, with a host of different needs…
I would definitely throw this one back (and I would aim in future for relationships with someone no more than say 5 years older than me..!)

Women over 45 don’t filter out men over 50. It’s purely misogyny that he doesn’t want a woman around his own age.

op he’s clearly a very good liar and that would be off putting for me.

Exactly this - HIS choice is to be with much younger (almost 20 years!!!!) women - but he’s very comfortable with denying women the right to their own choice of the age of their partner isn’t he - wholly selfish, misogynistic and deceitful - and it’s the very start of the relationship. Nah.

Wow, attempted murder? Thank god for Google in this case.

There was a very long-running thread like this a month or so back, about a man who added an inch to his height. OP was mortified.

Many posters made the point that people can 'lie' in their online profiles by posting out of date photos. There were examples of women who said they were an 8 and clearly a 14 in reality. Someone even mentioned supportive bras to hide the reality of what was underneath. Photos out of date by 10 years etc etc.

OND is a funny old world.
Take nothing at face value but decide when you meet the person.

In this case I'd tell him exactly how you feel- that you like him a lot but this has made you re-think and it's something you're struggling with.
His response will tell you if you want to carry on.

What’s wrong with having a criminal record? The most attractive women (ie: chavvy in their 20s) don’t mind or even prefer it, though I guess it might not wash with boring the 40 something mumsnet LinkedIn crowd. Tends to be men with record that get laid the most tbh

There is a fine line between presenting yourself at your best and then conning someone.
age is quite fundamental, more so than one inch on your height.
likewise with vastly different body shapes, that can tell you a lot about someone’s health and lifestyle and compatibility in that respect. Not to mention just general sexual attraction.

six years is a lot. I would have been ok with it if he had told me when I asked him his age 😂

Genuinely amused that anyone thinks Googling a person you are dating is a red flag. It's standard due diligence. The Gen-Zers I work with don't tell each other their date's names any more because they were sick of each other running background checks on their date's digital footprints. Some of them should work for GCHQ.

Attractive is a very subjective term isn't it