Lied about his age - sackable offence?

[Crumpet444]

Been seeing a guy for nearly 2 months. Met online, his age was 48 on his profile. I am 36, I generally have no issue with guys being a bit older, in fact have always dated men older than me.

First date was actually on his birthday which I didn’t realise until the day itself, he said he was 48 ON his birthday but the app changed to 49. I asked him about it and he said no, he was 48, so I assumed it was an error on the app. One year, no biggie.

However, I did a google search the other day out of curiosity, given I am getting a bit more invested and wanted to just check everything checks out, everything going well and I really like him - Seems mutual and we both want something serious. He is listed as a director for something on companies house, birth year 1971 which makes him 54!! Definitely him as the company tallies up with what he told me, his name isn’t common and month was correct.

AIBU to be a bit pissed off about this?! I get shaving a few years off for the app, but fess up straight away surely, especially when I asked him directly about it and he lied. I get it may be an insecurity thing but it’s not so much the age that’s an issue but the lying. It also means there is far more of a substantial age gap between us than I realised. FWIW he looks very good for his age!

I guess I’ll have to be the on to bring it up won’t I? And confess I was googling 😂 or is it likely companies house is wrong?!

Dont be so ridiculous. Some employers now google prospective applicants - it's not a big deal to search for public information

He's started with lying, surely he can't be pretty much perfect in many ways then? God knows what else is he hiding or feels the need to lie about.

Exactly this. Because he doesn"t think women his own age are goid enough for him, horribly prevalent attitude on old.

I did a quick check before the date to see if he was who he said he was. All fine.
I did a bit more checking last night!

Well he isn't even dating a 54 year old woman he is actively seeking younger women .

Exactly - which makes it even more hypocritical. I bet if you told him a 72 year old woman was interested in dating him he'd say no faster than you could blink, and yet he expects the OP to be ok with such an age gap as HE ages

Yeah I think because he would like more kids though rather than it necessarily being a creepy thing / wants to feel superior in some way.

FWIW I would have expected him to google me too which I am fine with, though granted the same risks aren’t there for men in terms of safety.

Agree with this. A man who deceives women from the outset is not a good man

@Crumpet444 so you'd end up bringing up his kids and straight afterwards being a carer for him.

I am shocked you arent jumping at such a fab opportunity!

My sister stayed with a guy who done this
she was 20’s he said he was 40!
she found his passport a year in snd he was 45 so a 20 year age gap
she broke up with him and he weedled his way back in

since then he has lied about applying for jobs and various other things but she stayed with him
she is 37 now and about to marry him!

I don’t think Google searching is a red flag, I wouldn’t be surprised if someone found my LinkedIn before a date. Although I once invited a guy to my house after a few dates and he must’ve googled my address as he commented on how much I’d paid for my house 😳

Is there are reason you are looking for men quite a bit older or is your age range just very big?

My husband is almost 55 he would make a lazy second time dad he likes a nap and is also a bit hard of hearing so would never hear a baby.

@Crumpet444 Could've been worse, lol, he could've lied about it the opposite way.

A friend of mine met this guy she'd been talking to. He'd said he was 32. Turned out to be barely 22! She felt like a cradle snatcher, lol (she was 40 at the time).

Seriously, though, the fact he didn't fess up immediately, and instead, doubled down on the lie would mean I'd chuck him back.

I’m not personally as bothered about having kids at all, just I think that was more his rationale for going younger.
He actually looks pretty young and has a lot of energy so I would actually never have guessed.

But you are being naive and have been manipulated - that's exactly what being lied to is & questioning whether it's a biggy. Having a successful career isn't the way you fool proof yourself from toxic relationships - refusing to tolerate lies and not falling for love bombing comes from life experience. These men go for younger women because they want the physical attraction but also because they know women their own age roll their eyes and see right through them. We were all chased by older men - lying, who've given a chance to come clean too - red flag.

It’s very common to lie on dating apps so that you get matched with younger people (or with people your own age who are trying to date younger people).

I met up with an orthopaedic surgeon who was in his late 40’s early 50’s (I think he was actually in his 50’s) but admitted he lied about his age for the purpose of getting younger matches. He admitted it to me in person but he could have passed for his tinder age.

He was the fittest guy I’ve ever hooked up with. I believed he was in his 30’s. His job was very physical but he wasn’t exposed to the every single day. When he wasn’t in surgery he would do boot camps and get dropped off in the bush via helicopter and trek on foot kilometres to somewhere really remote that was only accessible by foot.

Anyway, his age and the lie about his age wasn’t the issue. He was still married.

So I get your point - it’s the continuation of the lie. But men lie in the pursuit of sex.

Op is not the red flag 🤣🤣🤣🤣
you would be an idiot to not google a man before going out on date now
the majority of guys on dating apps are married / liars at best or have been in jail at worst
you clearly have never dated in the past 5-10 years
when i did it 2020/2021 i would make sure their house on the electrol roll did not have other people registered at it 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 such was my google stalking and I was still ‘caught out’ by already married men a couple of times!!!!!!!

I think you’re being a bit naive to think he’s only dating younger women because he wants more kids. It is extremely unlikely that a 54 year old man actively wants to become a dad again if he already has children. He may see having kids as something he has to pretend he wants to be able to sleep with younger women, and he may even have more kids in order to achieve this - but actively want to be a dad again, not plausible.

Its not an insecurity thing OP, it's a lying so he can trick much younger women into dating him thing.

Due to previous liars, a google search, background check for criminal history etc and credit check can all be done.

I had it the other way. Said on app he was 46. Met in person and he was 23. Felt like an auntie taking her nephew out. Whole "date" lasted 15 minutes.

I would hardly say I have been naive. I can’t help he lied to me - the reason I checked is because my intuition was niggling.

and in terms of career I meant I was more not the obvious choice for someone out looking to take advantage or deceive. I work in litigation / law and it’s basically my job to detect when someone is lying 😂

An 18 year age difference can work if both people are on board with it but it's got to be something special and it's worth remembering that the older you are, the faster you age, so he's going to be accelerating into it while you're still relatively young. Do you want to be early 40s with a partner in his 60s? Are you thinking of having children? I know you say he is but I think a lot of older men just use that as an excuse for pursuing younger women. Then you must be hugely grateful for the child he's given you and he's done his bit.

The sustained lying is a serious issue and I'd also be insulted that he thinks you're too thick to find out the truth when it's so easily available. All in all, he may be very charming but I dislike him and I think you should chuck him back.

have you ever online dated? This is a terrifying take. literally nothing red flag about what she has done, she should have just done it earlier

Yes she barely knows him, and that’s the whole point

the fact that she ‘doesn’t know him’ is why she googled him - and guess what, he’s a liar who feels entitled to set his age parameters to 20 years below his actual age

it could be worse

I did a LinkedIn search and a google of everyone I dated

I found a liar pretending to be a lawyer and someone who had committed a violent crime. these could have been men I had been intimate with, or alone with.

One of my friends didn’t google and ended up with a literal convicted con man for 3-4 dates who had a few hundred quid off her with forgotten cards and needing an emergency locksmith. More fool her, but she wouldn’t have even dated this man if she had known his form.

You’re a fool if you don’t do your DD before meeting actual strangers.

red flag for you for not valuing safety tbh

I agree- I think its common sense to google everyone you meet up with for safety reasons at the very least and for info purposes at the most