Lied about his age - sackable offence?

[Crumpet444]

Been seeing a guy for nearly 2 months. Met online, his age was 48 on his profile. I am 36, I generally have no issue with guys being a bit older, in fact have always dated men older than me.

First date was actually on his birthday which I didn’t realise until the day itself, he said he was 48 ON his birthday but the app changed to 49. I asked him about it and he said no, he was 48, so I assumed it was an error on the app. One year, no biggie.

However, I did a google search the other day out of curiosity, given I am getting a bit more invested and wanted to just check everything checks out, everything going well and I really like him - Seems mutual and we both want something serious. He is listed as a director for something on companies house, birth year 1971 which makes him 54!! Definitely him as the company tallies up with what he told me, his name isn’t common and month was correct.

AIBU to be a bit pissed off about this?! I get shaving a few years off for the app, but fess up straight away surely, especially when I asked him directly about it and he lied. I get it may be an insecurity thing but it’s not so much the age that’s an issue but the lying. It also means there is far more of a substantial age gap between us than I realised. FWIW he looks very good for his age!

I guess I’ll have to be the on to bring it up won’t I? And confess I was googling 😂 or is it likely companies house is wrong?!

I think he wants more kids.
He’s also pretty successful career wise and it’s what they all do isn’t it, go for younger women! 😂 FWIW I also have a very lucrative and successful career so I don’t get the impression he wants someone young and naive to manipulate necessarily.

It was a directorship from a while ago so I guess he didn’t realise / forgot!

He is going to lie about other things too. Throw him

I think if he can lie about this to you, he will
have no trouble lying about other things as well. I had someone shave ten years off their age when I dated them before my husband. It was very apparent when I met them so don’t know why they did it, but it just showed me they weren’t trustworthy.

I've had that. "I know I said I was 54, but I'm actually 64. But you wouldn't have met me if I'd said over 60." No, I wouldn't have. And lying really isn't an attractive look.

People who lie about their age on dating apps are invariably doing it to appear on the profiles of people who have opted out of dating people their age. They are deliberately trying to subvert other people’s boundaries.

What other boundaries will he try to get round?

I did a basic background check before meeting for safety. Then I dunno, I was getting pretty emotionally invested, and I felt like it was all a bit TOO good and then I was hoping it was just me self sabotaging. But no 😂 has to be something!

Yeah this, it would give me the absolute creeps.

Thirteen years doesn’t feel like it would be too big a gap when you’re in your 30s/40s but trust me, it starts to show when you’re in your 40s/50s. Eighteen years is really very significant, I’d never date someone with that gap, let alone someone who was lying about.

You will feel that almost 20yr age difference in the next few years. You'll be young and hell start to slow down.

Get rid, he lies and honestly he is far too old for the life you are likely to want.

So sorry @Crumpet444

I expect when you confront him he will say he lowered his age because of the algorithm. I'd have overlooked it if he had fessed up on your first date but he's let it go on for 2 months which in my mind is not on. It's also now led to quite a large age gap between you which may be too large for you.

DH is 54 he's totally a different man in energy levels to the 34 year old he was at the baby stage.
We're both really enjoying the kids at uni stage. Just had a lovely weekend away and it was a bit like dating in our 30s but there's no way I'd want to be putting in the hard graft of parenting with a bloke in his mid 50s.

Sorry but Companies House will be factually inaccurate. Might be older but lacking in common sense to lie about his age when he could have been honest from the start! You were always going to find out eventually - red flag from me!

Throw him back. This happened to a colleague - he shaved ten years off and to be fair was highly believable as he was young looking, dynamic and successful - he said he was 50 when he was 60. It became serious, moved in together etc. Long story short, in time he turned out be a controlling abuser & she ended up having to take out an injunction. The lesson for me is - never ignore red flags.

When you’re his age (54), he will be 72.

Thats the best part of 2 decades older than you OP.

Its giving creepy liar.

Indeed, and one thing that always astonishes me about men who lie about their age and go for significantly younger women is - HE wouldn't date a 72 year old woman right now and yet he expects OP to be fine with that age gap.

The hypocrisy is off the charts

Nothing wrong with background checking someone. I intend to do a Clare's law disclosure on any man as soon as it gets serious as i won't be introducing them to my young DD until i do. So, a bit of DIY Google sleuthing earlier on is the step before.

But he is a lier and also insulting your intelligence, does he not realise women are capable of using the internet in 2025!

However, I did a google search the other day out of curiosity, given I am getting a bit more invested and wanted to just check everything checks out, everything going well and I really like him

You’ve been seeing someone for 2 months and you Google searched him???

Sorry OP but you’re the red flag here.

It’s been 2 months!
You don’t even know each other yet.
You have no idea if you’re compatible etc yet and you should be just enjoying it for what it is right now.

I would not date a liar.
A year or 2 I could maybe let slide as I have forgotten my age before but this is a big difference.
I’m not sure I would expect him to come clean after only 2 months though.

You do seem quite invested in this relationship and sometimes that isn’t always healthy.

What is it with old men wanting to date women in their 20s and 30s?! I bet if you told him you were also 5 years older than you’d said and are in fact 41 not 36, you’d not see him for dust…..

Doing a quick google search of someone you’re dating is a red flag?! Come on.

2 months is a long time to be lied to.

That’s a very good point. Never heard it phrased like that but you are 100% right.

Wow, at what point is it okay in a relationship to prioritise your own safety, and also to call someone out on lying?

I would google search before the date and if I were in the US where I think you can get criminal record and lots of more I would have done it too. It's very wise and sensible to check. I was actually thinking how you (the op) waited 2 months to check I'd have done it as soon as I had enough lead to go on..can't be too careful.