Lied about his age - sackable offence?

[Crumpet444]

Been seeing a guy for nearly 2 months. Met online, his age was 48 on his profile. I am 36, I generally have no issue with guys being a bit older, in fact have always dated men older than me.

First date was actually on his birthday which I didn’t realise until the day itself, he said he was 48 ON his birthday but the app changed to 49. I asked him about it and he said no, he was 48, so I assumed it was an error on the app. One year, no biggie.

However, I did a google search the other day out of curiosity, given I am getting a bit more invested and wanted to just check everything checks out, everything going well and I really like him - Seems mutual and we both want something serious. He is listed as a director for something on companies house, birth year 1971 which makes him 54!! Definitely him as the company tallies up with what he told me, his name isn’t common and month was correct.

AIBU to be a bit pissed off about this?! I get shaving a few years off for the app, but fess up straight away surely, especially when I asked him directly about it and he lied. I get it may be an insecurity thing but it’s not so much the age that’s an issue but the lying. It also means there is far more of a substantial age gap between us than I realised. FWIW he looks very good for his age!

I guess I’ll have to be the on to bring it up won’t I? And confess I was googling 😂 or is it likely companies house is wrong?!

I know men in their 50's like this man. Some of them get involved with women who are years younger than them. The reason for this is that women of there own age don't want them. Women of there own age can see the red flags, spot the lies and can see the truth about there personality, values, notice the meanest with there time or money or spot they have to be right always.
Also some men of this age still think they are mid 30's and don't want to get married or have kid's. Some of these men lead a woman on for years before saying they have no interest in marriage or kid's.

Then I know men who have suddenly realised that there friends are married, in serious relationships or have kid's. The friend's don't have the time to go drinking, go to football ect and suddenly they want a girlfriend.

If a man is 54 why is not looking for a woman closer to his own age and at his life stage? He wants a younger woman to look good, stoke his ego and possibly he suddenly wants a child ( like a child wants a puppy). He like the idea of a baby but has no idea of what's involved and thinks his other half will do it all.

The reality is this man has lied to you. Your at different life stages. I could see you been a purse funding his retirement or lifestyle or a nurse dealing with his health issues. I throw him back and say that you not interested in dating someone as old as him and you found out the truth about his age. My feeling is that there is an ex wife , partner and possibly children in his past also.

I agree putting a filter on a photo and some flattering clothes is very different to lying significantly about your age.

Yes, a year or two or an inch in height to appear in a different search algorithm on the app is fine. But not coming clean when asked is unforgivable IMO.
What's his plan for retirement? When he's 65 you'll be 47 and approaching the peak of your career. Your lives are just not going to match up.

Bin. Shaving off few years or adding few inches in app is unacceptable. Lying to your face is straight being a liar and untrustworthy person.

Good point. He might be lying about wanting more kids. There are risks associated with having a child with an older man too.

So have you made your mind up about what you're doing? You sound like you have from this response.

He was married (for 20 years apparently) and he does have children (teens).

I’ve been to his house as I say and so I don’t think there have been huge fundamental lies about his history in that respect. His job checks out as well, and he’s quite high profile. Shame he forgot he had a directorship on CH 🤦🏻‍♀️

No at the moment I am just genuinely quite upset.

I think a lot of it will depend on his reaction when I broach it with him which would rather do face to face.

When he was directly asked by you that was his chance to confess rather than continue the relationship based on a lie.

It’s a significant age gap with his real age and if you were to get married, you might find yourself committed to some who ages much faster than you thought he would. Thats terribly unfair.

i would not let on how you know but tell him straight.

“Geoffrey, you’re 54. Why have you lied to me about your age?”

There are a lot of middle-aged men who want to shag younger women and this one will lie to get it. He lied because he knew he wouldn’t get access to you if you knew his real age.

What if you’d found out a year in, once you were in love with him, and considering having kids etc? He’s nearly 20 years older than you.

It’s too deep a betrayal to continue.

How about give him one more chance to come clean on it - say something about 'any plans for his 50th in 18 months or whatever", see what he does.

Rubbish
So many women here seem to hate men it is bizarre
Many men and women lie about their age on dating apps
If I was happy I would not be bothered but a 20 year age gap means that one day you will be likely his carer although that could also happen with someone your own age

36 and 54, no.

You'd be putting years on yourself.

I suspect that's his plan right there!

Wow everyone’s standards are so low! ANY lying about your age, especially for creepy ‘coming up in younger women’s search results’ reasons is an instant block and delete. And 18 years is a fricken massive age gap.

block and delete OP, and please raise your standards. You can do better. Men are desperate for relationships, they can’t cope without us, WE have the power

The ' wanting more kids' thing will be a lie to get you to sleep with him, so don't believe that for a minute. A 54 year old man does not want to be a dad again.

If he's lied about this and doesn't think you are smart enough to find out, he's not really a keeper is he.

I would say though, both men and women lie on OLD . Men will say they are 6ft as it is deal breaker for a huge % of women. Both sexes will say they are average build even if they are obviously overweight. Women will post highly flattering filtered photos, men will post photos of them 10 years younger. Men will also say they want kids or are open to starting a family when they have absolutely no intention of following through on that.

It's all a game to ' hook' someone.

Sperm from older men = increased risk of birth defects.

He might very well look good for his age now but why would you want to be 52 with a 70 yr old husband? Yes, I know there are age gap relationships out there that work and are great. And we all know about the 70 yr old who still runs marathons, takes salsa classes, who's fitter than you and the rest of it, but statistically speaking they are in the tiny minority. You are still going to feel quite young in your 40s and 50s but he's going to be in a different phase of life at almost 20 yrs older than you. I'd think long and hard about this. I don't doubt for one minute he's trying to impress you but in your shoes I'd run a mile in the opposite direction. Or just have fun with him for a while and if the subject of kids comes up, you could say that you feel his age counts against him. You'd like your kids to have a father who is statistically more likely to be alive through to their adulthood than not, or in age related failing health.

You have clearly been treated badly by a man sometime in the past - you seem so bitter
and angry You are a mind reader and can see into the future
Kindly _ I suggest counselling

You desperately need to raise your standards. A man who lies to you is a low quality man.

I don't think many "hate men" they hate creepy feckers who want a young woman to have on their arm so much that they lie about it. I think that's different to hating men.

Older man lies consistently about his age to get with woman 18 years younger, women object because they Hate Men (TM). So says a "girly".

Indeed.

I’m the same age as him. When some middle-aged men divorce women their age they think they’re going to date women 20 years younger.

Then they go on dating apps and women in their 30s understandably are not interested & put filters to a max of 40-45.

So this one lied. Because he’s entitled to younger women right?

Its not hating men to find lying a red flag.

Kindly, I suggest counselling if you consider being treated with such disrespect as normal.

I suggest you're the one with the issue here, making excuses for men who lie about their age so they can date women young enough to be their daughters. Do you always defend creepy liars, or just the male ones? What kind of messed up life have you had that's led you to think this kind of behaviour is OK? Or maybe you yourself are one of these men?

Yeah he thinks he knows better, that he is above and beyond the filters because women don't know what they want and he is different 🙄🙄🙄🙄 the entitlement is disgusting.