Lied about his age - sackable offence?

[Crumpet444]

Been seeing a guy for nearly 2 months. Met online, his age was 48 on his profile. I am 36, I generally have no issue with guys being a bit older, in fact have always dated men older than me.

First date was actually on his birthday which I didn’t realise until the day itself, he said he was 48 ON his birthday but the app changed to 49. I asked him about it and he said no, he was 48, so I assumed it was an error on the app. One year, no biggie.

However, I did a google search the other day out of curiosity, given I am getting a bit more invested and wanted to just check everything checks out, everything going well and I really like him - Seems mutual and we both want something serious. He is listed as a director for something on companies house, birth year 1971 which makes him 54!! Definitely him as the company tallies up with what he told me, his name isn’t common and month was correct.

AIBU to be a bit pissed off about this?! I get shaving a few years off for the app, but fess up straight away surely, especially when I asked him directly about it and he lied. I get it may be an insecurity thing but it’s not so much the age that’s an issue but the lying. It also means there is far more of a substantial age gap between us than I realised. FWIW he looks very good for his age!

I guess I’ll have to be the on to bring it up won’t I? And confess I was googling 😂 or is it likely companies house is wrong?!

like why do I have the 'earn' the right to someone's AGE 😂wtf

A “sure footing” with a liar. 🤔

As if it was remotely comparable to fake pics which would be clear on the first date.

He knew you might not sleep with him if you knew his age. My guess from this is this is his MO: X number of 30somethings will sleep with him not knowing his age, Y number will balk when they find out and he will start again. He’s still got a few shags in from from his perspective.

Honestly op? The man really does not care. And I say this from experience as a woman who has done a fair bit of online dating and had men lie to me about their age. Just reading the many threads on here about the amount of men on dating apps who lie about their age tells you all you need to know. It’s extremely common for men in their late 40s to late 50s especially to lie about their age? Why? Because they want to attract a younger woman in their 30s. Some will even try to get a woman as young as in their 20s. This isn’t just a little lie he’s told, it’s quite a big one. He slept with you knowing you’re in your 30s and he’s lied to you about his age. He’s already got what he wanted and his reaction and response to your message confronting him says what he really feels about you.

A genuine man would not lie about his age. He’s said all the right things to you that he thinks you’d like to hear ie. About having kids etc.
He’s most likely invited you to these events as a bit of arm candy.

What will happen now (and he has already shown this by sending you random pictures without answering your question) is he will test the water to see if you will accept his lie. If you do he will know he’s got away with it and carry on treating you with such a lack of respect by ghosting you next time you have something you want to address.

Or

If you end it with him, he will just move on to the next victim.

Im not saying this to have a go, I’m saying this to support you as a fellow victim of this sort of bullshit

What a charmer! No allusion to integrity or honesty, just a bit of education for your naïve self, that "everyone does it at the outset, to a greater or lesser degree, in all sorts of areas, it's no biggie." He gets yukkier the more he says. No understanding that you consented to being with a 48 yr old which was already a bit of a push as it was, not a 54 yr old. Tell him he's a dirty old man and you don't want to hear from him again.

All I can say is, it's not you, it's them.

So his response is to justify his behaviour:
I have no answer
i.e. You've caught me
Typically 3-4 dates
i.e. I was about to tell you
They come forward with various things they omitted
i.e. Everyone does it, it’s normal
And then he gives the apology he should have started with. This one is slippery OP, you are well rid. I think you need the mumsnet response ‘This doesn’t work for me’. But I think he’ll still try and reel you back in. He’ll probably suggest bringing your things round- be prepared for the charm offensive. Oh and if you are wavering, that age gap will become massive in 15 years when you are living your best life and he is almost 70.

My text response would be:

I'm amazed you managed to text me back. I thought you had developed early onset dementia at age 54. Why does it not occur to you that other women you date will also find you on LinkedIn? No one's buying the I went to uni at age 12 bullshit.

and / or

Change your age on your dating profile before (a) the next woman you date looks you up on LinkedIn; and (b) before your profile gets reported to the site for having a fake age.

Toodlepip, Grandad !!!

That’s an awful lot of words to say ‘I’m not sorry and I assume you’ve been lying too.’

You’ve dodged a bullet here, OP, but you’re still allowed to feel disappointed. You sound brilliant and you’ve handled the ridiculous attacks on this thread with grace and humour. You deserve much better than this twat.

I think you have been dismissed OP. Close the door on your way out...

He's real scum OP.
Can you get your stuff back?
If so, do that, then dump.

Have you not been on more than 3-4 dates? I thought it was two months?

he’s tried to take the high road, like he’s above this and it’s totally normal. and punish you for asking. What will you do? My personal view is block and move on, that is not a good response. He was clearly deciding to ghost you then thought he might get some more sex, but he’s not lowering himself to acknowledge he was intent on deceiving you. He also did it to your face.

I suppose this way of talking/thinking is why he's single, right?

Yes. Just respond with a "Thanks for your reply, when can I collect my things?"

I guess one positive is he didn’t make up another lie about why he did it. I mean it’s a lie clearly when he says he’s not sure he knows why, it’s just he can’t say it was to pull younger women as you’re the younger woman who fell for it, but I guess he didn’t at least make up some other bullshit, though I’m not sure there is much he can make up without embarrassing himself further. So he took the rather pathetic I don’t know why.

He's not keen to impress you. He's keen to trick you and trap you.

Don't date psychos..Raise your standards..at 34 my top age cut off would be 38. And if I wanted kids it would be 35.

Reminds me of the film The Good Liar time to style your inner Helen Mirren op!

Thanks for being so awesome. I wish I had a decent, single, age appropriate man to put in touch with you. You bloody deserve one.

Kirsty Mccoll wrote about a similar charmer in England 2 Columbia 0,
I think you'll enjoy the company. It's a catchy tune and the whole Tropical Brainstorm album is excellent.

"
England 2 Colombia 0 Lyrics
Oh you shouldn't have kissed me and got me so excited
And when you asked me out I really was delighted
So we went to a pub in Belsize Park
And we cheered on England as the sky grew dark
Oh you shouldn't have kissed me cause you started a fire
But then I found out that you're a serial liar

You lied about your status
You lied about your life
You never mentioned your three children
And the fact you have a wife
Now it's England 2 Colombia 0
And I know just how those Colombians feel

He sounds insufferable.

As someone who is almost as old as this total charmer I just wanted to say I’m sorry you’ve been been let down but we start to age more obviously in our 50’s (even if we look after ourselves) and the age gap would have grown over the next few years so that’s a really roundabout way of saying you dodged a bullet.

oh and there’s been a lot of interest in your post - and some really bonkers comments as well as some great advice.

best of luck to you @Crumpet444 xx

@Crumpet444 Many people lie about their age on dating apps because many people have their filters set up to look for younger people.

The issue moreso is the general attitudes that people have towards age, which is what compels people to lie.

You said on a different thread that you are late 30s. Would you want to date a woman who is almost 60? Would you be a bit annoyed if a woman lied about her age and used filters, wasting your time?

It is completely normal and completely ok to have preferences when dating. It is not an equal opportunities sport. People discriminate by age, gender, nationality, religion and so on and it's all perfectly fine and to be expected.

Compels people to lie

Sorry, what?

If someone places a boundary that they want to date within their age range, you respect that.

Op, have you only met this guy once or twice? His comment that he would say at third or fourth date would indicate this to be the case,

im also guessing you’re responding to him and saying it’s no big deal.

No we have seen each other more than that which is why it was a weird thing to say.

He is framing a right to what is basic information as something that has to be earned which is mental. It’s not the same as a photo filter.

I can’t see where I’ve indicated that I will be continuing with the relationship. I replied to say I would get back properly later because I was on my
way to court when I received it but I haven’t yet and not sure if I can be bothered even addressing it.

As an aside, which is even more mental, I am being told by family that ‘it wasn’t like he lied to scam you, he just wanted a chance’ and ‘I need to prove I’m worthy of his trust’ (presumably to demonstrate I am safe to be trusted with the basic information of how long someone has been on this earth) and that if I want a second chance I have one and hopefully he’ll be brave enough to see me again.

which is wild. Like I was wondering last night if I was actually insane 😂

That's absolute bollocks. Pure internalised mysogyny.
Did that comment come from an older female relative perchance?