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Original poster

Lied about his age - sackable offence?

824 replies

Crumpet444 · 11/12/2025 07:54

Been seeing a guy for nearly 2 months. Met online, his age was 48 on his profile. I am 36, I generally have no issue with guys being a bit older, in fact have always dated men older than me.

First date was actually on his birthday which I didn’t realise until the day itself, he said he was 48 ON his birthday but the app changed to 49. I asked him about it and he said no, he was 48, so I assumed it was an error on the app. One year, no biggie.

However, I did a google search the other day out of curiosity, given I am getting a bit more invested and wanted to just check everything checks out, everything going well and I really like him - Seems mutual and we both want something serious. He is listed as a director for something on companies house, birth year 1971 which makes him 54!! Definitely him as the company tallies up with what he told me, his name isn’t common and month was correct.

AIBU to be a bit pissed off about this?! I get shaving a few years off for the app, but fess up straight away surely, especially when I asked him directly about it and he lied. I get it may be an insecurity thing but it’s not so much the age that’s an issue but the lying. It also means there is far more of a substantial age gap between us than I realised. FWIW he looks very good for his age!

I guess I’ll have to be the on to bring it up won’t I? And confess I was googling 😂 or is it likely companies house is wrong?!

OP posts:
DidIJustHearWhatIThinkYouSaid · 14/12/2025 17:30

Crumpet444 · 11/12/2025 14:00

I think the situation here is slightly different given he didn’t have an affair, it was his ex wife. I think he would have happily stayed married otherwise as he seemed pretty cut up about it and regretful given he has children.
he didn’t have an affair with a younger model and then get binned.
I can see how otherwise it would be an unattractive look!

Show quote history

Be careful here OP. A friend met her husband online. His wife had had an affair and left him after a lengthy marriage. Friend was told. Turned out he had had an affair when they had two very young children and he’d stayed with his wife but secretly carried on seeing the affair partner for occasional lunches, meet ups. Wife found out. Left him for her new affair partner. And he then tried to blame her for ending the marriage. Oh what a tangled web we weave.

Original poster
Crumpet444 · 14/12/2025 17:32

DidIJustHearWhatIThinkYouSaid · 14/12/2025 17:30

Be careful here OP. A friend met her husband online. His wife had had an affair and left him after a lengthy marriage. Friend was told. Turned out he had had an affair when they had two very young children and he’d stayed with his wife but secretly carried on seeing the affair partner for occasional lunches, meet ups. Wife found out. Left him for her new affair partner. And he then tried to blame her for ending the marriage. Oh what a tangled web we weave.

Show quote history

yeah I mean who knows what was true at this point! It doesn't really matter now.

OP posts:
NorwayTruce · 14/12/2025 18:48

Is there any way you could give other unsuspecting matches a heads up that he lies about his age and ghosts people when they call him out on it? It doesn’t seem fair that he can just carry of pretending to be 6 years younger than he really is like business as usual.

Daisywhatsyouranswer · 14/12/2025 19:12

NorwayTruce · 14/12/2025 18:48

Is there any way you could give other unsuspecting matches a heads up that he lies about his age and ghosts people when they call him out on it? It doesn’t seem fair that he can just carry of pretending to be 6 years younger than he really is like business as usual.

This is really inadvisable. She cannot start stalking him and his matches.

NorwayTruce · 14/12/2025 19:32

Daisywhatsyouranswer · 14/12/2025 19:12

This is really inadvisable. She cannot start stalking him and his matches.

Show quote history

Bit of a leap. No one said anything about stalking him or his future dates. However if there’s a system on the site where you can rate people, he should be rated accordingly. Better still if you can leave honest reviews.

Daisywhatsyouranswer · 14/12/2025 19:34

NorwayTruce · 14/12/2025 19:32

Bit of a leap. No one said anything about stalking him or his future dates. However if there’s a system on the site where you can rate people, he should be rated accordingly. Better still if you can leave honest reviews.

Show quote history

He’s not a takeaway , you don’t rate people!

Original poster
Crumpet444 · 14/12/2025 19:35

Daisywhatsyouranswer · 14/12/2025 19:34

He’s not a takeaway , you don’t rate people!

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If I could I would warn them he is well past the stated expiry date!

Largely spineless but some small bones may remain 😂

OP posts:
Aluna · 14/12/2025 19:45

Crumpet444 · 14/12/2025 19:35

If I could I would warn them he is well past the stated expiry date!

Largely spineless but some small bones may remain 😂

Edited
Show quote history

People choke on small bones. 😄

Bettymakesadecision · 14/12/2025 20:14

I also don’t wish to add to a pile on but echo the voices that are saying your boundaries may not be as strong as you think. There was nothing until much later on in your posts that suggested you would dump him if he apologised. You say you didn’t want to be reactive, but actually sometimes a person’s behaviour warrants a decisive/reactive response - he lied and didn’t clear it up when challenged, but instead doubled down on the lie to your face. That is enough for a lot of women to write off a very new relationship because it’s a good indicator of what’s to come. It was also a good indicator here given his response when challenged via text (or lack thereof).

Yes, you had more information on this guy than any of us, but we’re talking 5 dates worth of information, not 5 years. I have no wonder why your family and friends seemingly want you to settle for someone who isn’t good enough for you (or anyone half decent) but I would always sooner rather be single and unhappy than in a relationship and unhappy.

Daisywhatsyouranswer · 14/12/2025 21:33

Bettymakesadecision · 14/12/2025 20:14

I also don’t wish to add to a pile on but echo the voices that are saying your boundaries may not be as strong as you think. There was nothing until much later on in your posts that suggested you would dump him if he apologised. You say you didn’t want to be reactive, but actually sometimes a person’s behaviour warrants a decisive/reactive response - he lied and didn’t clear it up when challenged, but instead doubled down on the lie to your face. That is enough for a lot of women to write off a very new relationship because it’s a good indicator of what’s to come. It was also a good indicator here given his response when challenged via text (or lack thereof).

Yes, you had more information on this guy than any of us, but we’re talking 5 dates worth of information, not 5 years. I have no wonder why your family and friends seemingly want you to settle for someone who isn’t good enough for you (or anyone half decent) but I would always sooner rather be single and unhappy than in a relationship and unhappy.

To be fair I think you were also going to accept it so you could keep seeing him, if he said words to soothe it for you, it is a valid point. Where as it was very clear this wasn’t a good one. Although for me, not yet obvious just how bad he was.

Original poster
Crumpet444 · 15/12/2025 07:26

He just responded - this morning, ignoring my message entirely and sending me pictures of his weekend and acting like it’s all fine.
I mean, I hadn’t expected that at all as a likely outcome so keeps it fresh I suppose 😂😂 insanity.

OP posts:
ThatAquaRobin · 15/12/2025 07:31

What are you going to do?

Lennonjingles · 15/12/2025 07:35

I think now, you have to ask him face to face, I know what he’s going to say is that most people lie about their age, which is probably true. My DH went backwards on his birthday for a few years.

HomeTheatreSystem · 15/12/2025 07:37

He's playing with you. Saw your message, but didn't reply as he was with his kids but has had time to think of next steps, thinks he knows you're not angry about it as your message about his real age was polite and calm, and hopes to charm you back into some fun together, if nothing more.

Gymbunny2025 · 15/12/2025 07:41

Now is your chance to demonstrate to yourself that you don’t accept shitty behaviour from any man (and this man has racked up plenty after only 5 dates!)

MissDoubleU · 15/12/2025 07:51

I think he’s hoping he scared you with the ghosting so now you’ll just want him back. More manipulation.

EBearhug · 15/12/2025 07:52

Just ignore him.

Original poster
Crumpet444 · 15/12/2025 07:52

tbh I don't really know how to respond even if I wanted to - I'm a bit freaked out. Maybe he has some kind of dementia 😂

OP posts:
TwistedWonder · 15/12/2025 07:55

Just send a 👍 then block him,

He knows exactly what he’s doing - don’t fall for it

Imdunfer · 15/12/2025 08:07

Crumpet444 · 15/12/2025 07:26

He just responded - this morning, ignoring my message entirely and sending me pictures of his weekend and acting like it’s all fine.
I mean, I hadn’t expected that at all as a likely outcome so keeps it fresh I suppose 😂😂 insanity.

Bloody hell, I didn't expect that!

Is he stupid? Or does he just think you are?

Thanks for a really entertaining thread, both of you 😁

PineConeOrDogPoo · 15/12/2025 08:09

Crumpet444 · 15/12/2025 07:26

He just responded - this morning, ignoring my message entirely and sending me pictures of his weekend and acting like it’s all fine.
I mean, I hadn’t expected that at all as a likely outcome so keeps it fresh I suppose 😂😂 insanity.

He sounds like he has avoidant attachment and an inability to deal difficult situations/emotions based on this response.

I agree with others posters that this is not a good sign in a new relationship.

Needspaceforlego · 15/12/2025 08:25

HomeTheatreSystem · 15/12/2025 07:37

He's playing with you. Saw your message, but didn't reply as he was with his kids but has had time to think of next steps, thinks he knows you're not angry about it as your message about his real age was polite and calm, and hopes to charm you back into some fun together, if nothing more.

Nailed it.
He's hoping he can charm you on. And you'll forget about the age gap.
OP please don't fall for it. He's old enough to be your Dad.

Bin him. We are 10 days to Christmas. Don't waste another moment thinking about him. Hes ancient and should be ancient history.

NorwayTruce · 15/12/2025 08:28

Daisywhatsyouranswer · 14/12/2025 19:34

He’s not a takeaway , you don’t rate people!

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You clearly have little experience of these sites. For your information some dating sites have a thumbs up or a thumbs down function so that yes, you do rate people. Sorry to disappoint you.
.

BuckChuckets · 15/12/2025 08:30

Crumpet444 · 15/12/2025 07:26

He just responded - this morning, ignoring my message entirely and sending me pictures of his weekend and acting like it’s all fine.
I mean, I hadn’t expected that at all as a likely outcome so keeps it fresh I suppose 😂😂 insanity.

Block him. You'd already made up your mind, so demonstrate those boundaries you've been talking about. And whatever you do, don't ask your family's advice or you'll just end up doing what they suggest!

EBearhug · 15/12/2025 08:36

NorwayTruce · 15/12/2025 08:28

You clearly have little experience of these sites. For your information some dating sites have a thumbs up or a thumbs down function so that yes, you do rate people. Sorry to disappoint you.
.

Show quote history

It was one of the weird things I found, that you get reviewed. I didn't have a profile myself, and had been clear to my then swinging partner I did not want to be on there, so I was very pissed off. I hope he showed more respect to whoever came after me.