Ghosted after a great first date. Best response?

[WildflowerGardens]

I had a first date with a man off hinge on Saturday afternoon - we had coffee and then walked round an illustration fair. The whole time we were laughing and talking animatedly and seemed to have a lot in common. At the end of the date he pulled me into a bear hug and said “see you again soon”.

I texted him that evening to say “Great to meet you, what a fun afternoon!” but he didn’t reply and it’s now Tuesday. I think I’ve been ghosted.

I feel like sending a final message, something like “Ghosting in your forties? I only date grown men: good luck with your ongoing search 👋 ” before blocking him but I’m not sure if I should do this.

My reasoning is that I think ghosting is crap behaviour and people who ghost should be called out on it.

Any advice very welcome.

as an author

LOL.

And I’m guessing you meant undistinguished and zero communication skills (even though the date was apparently great) in a really nice way.

Well if he’s very ordinary and you’re a very busy author…what’s the problem?

He spent a lot of it roaring with laughter and found lots of illustrations at the fair that he bought and discussed animatedly with me. Doesn't sound like a bad time to me but maybe you have very low expectations of having a good time.

@Wishimaywishimight agree tbh. I don’t really think this constitutes ghosting. It’s just not following up after a date and tbh when you meet online a first date is not really a date it’s more of a meet and greet to see if you like the look of each other in real life. Thats why first dates should be kept short. No point over investing

You can write a book too, you know, it's not hard

Come on OP… it’s gone from a great meet up and the “whole time we were laughing and talking animatedly and seemed to have a lot in common” to he’s balding, short, has bad teeth and “zero communication skills”

I get that the lack of response/ghosting feels a bit shit, but you’re just coming off as nasty and ego-bruised now

😂😂😂 poor guy did dodge a bullet

I'm not sure I need someone to tell me "they just didn't feel it" after one date. I think I'd rather they just left it there. As I wouldn't want to be an option that gets picked up again if no-one better comes into view I'd probably block them if I heard nothing after a few days.

So why did you text him about seeing him again?!

If you don’t want kept on the back burner then you mentally totally move on and completely ignore any future messages.

Ffs why does anyone have to be called weird here? It's a difference of opinion.

Honestly, if OP wants to pull this man up on his bad behaviour what does it matter what he thinks? I'm sick of hearing all this 'you sound unhinged' business. Why are women supposed to just put up and shut up? Why should we care about men's opinions so much?

Conversely, if someone wants to make out they're not bothered by it and play the cool girl or whatever, then that's fine.

Why does anyone need to be cast as 'weird' though?

I didn't say those qualities were a bad thing

You literally said 'he's the bullet' [to be dodged] so yes, you did imply they were a bad thing.

As you're such a 'busy author' I suggest you stop wasting your time on this thread and go back to your edits.

Soo you are disappointed that he didn’t end the ‘relationship’ well and behave like a polite adult?

Yet you are also not able to end the ‘relationship’ well and behave like a polite adult.

I tried to end the date after an hour and a half by saying I was going to the local Sainsbury's "to get the bargains". To my dismay he said "oooh I love a bargain, I'll join" (I hadn't asked him to join). Then he followed me round Sainsbury's in a canine fashion and walked my route to the train I was getting back, rather than to his separate station.

Who are you to advise me? I'm doing well enough off royalties, thanks, no need for me to rush projects

I called out a ‘very senior ranking professional’ man who did this to me. He had a teenage children and I messaged saying “wow, so ghosting as a grown up is acceptable?
this is what you can proudly teach your daughter to expect and your son to do?”
He apologised profusely, like properly, he’d been shocked by his level of feeling and freaked out after being cheated on and feeling insecure! I accepted his apology and declined his second date 👊😂

THANK you. Yes

Excellent!!

Your responses made me laugh OP.

I have given up on any dating now, as I just cannot be bothered with all the bullshit to be honest.

But I went with these rules:

Never ever message a second time without a response to you first message.
So, not double messaging.

And then also do not explain to him what has upset you. In this case, ghosting. I don't think we should be highlighting to a grown adult, where they went wrong, or how they could do better going forward.

Not my job. I am very over babying men to act the right way.

So it would be a block and delete for me.

It's rude just to ghost, but I wouldn't get het up or he'll just think "yeah, this is why I ghost". Just leave it and don't reply if he does come back.

It's only Tuesday and you saw him on Saturday? That's not ghosting yet.

You seem in a rage that he hasn't been showering you with attention since. It all seems a bit intense after one coffee date.

Imagine if this was a man on here venting his rage at a “fat middle-aged woman with no career” who dared to not want to date him again and described her as a “bullet”. I think we all know what we’d be saying to that and the OP is behaving exactly like these entitled incels.

Personally I would leave it. It’s upsetting that he didn’t reply, a polite message just explaining he didn’t want to meet up would have been better than ghosting but he’s probably thinking it’s kinder to not upset you.

Sending a message to potentially tell him off won’t do anything, it won’t change his mind, it won’t make him apologise and behave better in the future, all it will do is make him think you’re a bit too full on after one date.

To me, if a man pulled me in for bear hug at the end of the date then I would see it more as a platonic thing than romantic. All I can say is, if he wanted to meet up again then he would have been in touch. You left the door open, he hasn’t responded so delete if you want to delete and focus on yourself, no point wasting time
thinking of him.

I'm not sure that starting this thread was your best idea @WildflowerGardens . First you are ignoring allthe advice in answer to your initial question - literally everybody has told you not to message - yet up thread a bit you said you were going to message him anyway.
Then you start making comments implying he was not date worthy anyway (yes I know you didn't say it - but it was implied by your tone)
Now you've ended up defending comments on here.

Try to approach OLD with a more relaxed attitude. Most people are multi dating - this guy probably was and maybe other women he's talking too are sounding less confrontational?!

Then why did YOU text him “great to meet you. What a fun afternoon”????

You've started this thread to complain that HE wasn’t honest and didn’t admit that he wasn’t feeling it, but clearly you’ve done that first too. Ridiculous