Ghosted after a great first date. Best response?

[WildflowerGardens]

I had a first date with a man off hinge on Saturday afternoon - we had coffee and then walked round an illustration fair. The whole time we were laughing and talking animatedly and seemed to have a lot in common. At the end of the date he pulled me into a bear hug and said “see you again soon”.

I texted him that evening to say “Great to meet you, what a fun afternoon!” but he didn’t reply and it’s now Tuesday. I think I’ve been ghosted.

I feel like sending a final message, something like “Ghosting in your forties? I only date grown men: good luck with your ongoing search 👋 ” before blocking him but I’m not sure if I should do this.

My reasoning is that I think ghosting is crap behaviour and people who ghost should be called out on it.

Any advice very welcome.

Ghosting isn’t great. Yes, he should have said ‘lovely date, but you’re not for me, good luck going forward’ .

But..

‘I only date grown men’ …as if you have a choice here and are the one deciding?!? That’s cringe because he has already decided he doesn’t want to date you.

Don't text again. You'll look sad and desperate, even if you're not.

I’m married and never really did the whole dating scene, so I might be out of touch. But if the person you had a date with texts you to thank you, you don’t think a single text back to say thank you/was nice to meet you and maybe a line to say you don’t want another date would be kinder and more polite than just ignoring someone? At least then they know where they stand immediately and don’t waste time wondering what’s going on!

I would leave it. I doubt he’ll do much other than roll his eyes at that message. It’s rude sure but some people would rather eat their own arm off than message someone to say they’re not interested. He might be an arse or just feels too awkward to be honest.

Not necessarily- lots of serial daters keep women on a back burner for later. I don’t want that

This approach is why society is becoming more and more uncomfortable and inconsiderate.
why ignore the person? Instead you can send a simple polite text saying thank you for meeting but it doesn’t work for me - the other person is obviously wondering whether it is a yes/no. A simple polite text is respectful and goes along way

Aye, that'll tell him.... Honestly, just leave it.

Exactly - and this is exactly why I don't just want to leave it as is. Societal behaviour gets worse when bad behaviour is just classed as normal.

I am going to message and then block him.

Do you honestly think people weren't ghosted 20/30/40 years ago? Plenty of dates didnt go anywhere after the first/second/third date and the other person never got in contact again. The idea that this is new behaviour simply isnt true.

Yes it would have been polite to say on the date that he didnt want to see you again.
But personally I'd chalk it up to experience and forget about him.

If he gets in contact again then you block.

Don't message him, for gods sake! Literally everyone has said not to.

Just block him and move on.

Yes. Unless someone has done something awful, ghosting says to me that the person is a poor communicator who is too afraid or immature to be upfront - not something I'm looking for in a partner!

But don't message him!

Sometimes a “great first date” can actually happen because one person knows instantly there’s no attraction and they completely relax knowing they don’t need to impress and don’t need to act the best versions of themselves.

I had “great first dates” with two guys before I met my now husband. The date with my husband was the most awkward because there was attraction on both sides and we both became a bit more self conscious as a result.

Don’t send the follow up message, to him it would be obvious there was no initial connection or attraction. It’s only you who hasn’t seen it for what it was, sorry.

Gratitude that it's over, probably. Sheer relief? Who knows. Fgs don't talk yourself into messaging him. Cringe

Stop giving him so much headspace. Forget it and move on with your life. You barely know him. He may contact you in the next week or so, he may not. Just carry on doing the things you need to do.

Ghosting is crap, no one thinks that it isn’t. But what does ‘calling it out’ achieve? You’re giving more energy to the situation. He’s not going to change his mind off the back of a sharp message from you. He’s also not going to respond. So what’s the point? I wouldn’t waste any more of my time. He didn’t feel what you felt, it sucks but that’s life and a ‘bear hug’ isn’t evidence of anything.

I would message, as someone who is in my 60’s, in my day, dates just didn’t turn up, after a few good (I thought) dates. I still often wonder why. It was rude with ban manners then, and still apparently is now, what’s wrong with people that they cannot just message a simply text saying I enjoyed meeting you, but I don’t want to take it further.

And let him think phew, dodged a bullet there?

Just leave it.

Disagree. Culture of dating apps allows for this shitty behaviour.

Absolutely this

You are wasting to much emotional energy on him. Delete and block. Ruminating on why or why not he has behaved this way will only lead to ruin.

You're not going to change "societal behaviour" by sending the message are you? Very little chance he'll change his ways and even if he does, it makes no difference to you. And no chance at all of others behaving better either. You're giving it far too much head room. Just forget it and move on. It's life, get over it.

And he is going to target you for this because you seem massively bothered, rather than being an unbothered queen

Send him this and mark my words he’ll be back on another number with a hospitalised niece or sick dad or car crash when he is bored

And fwiw, he said ‘see you soon’ out of politeness and being socially awkward. And he bear hugged you- again, awkward and odd. He did not tilt you back for a romantic snog. If he was interested he would have texted you on the walk home, you didn’t need to chase.

This all really isn’t that deep.

Yeah, that really doesn't work. It's really immature and bitter sounding. Like 'I didn't fancy you anyway, nah nah nah nah nah!' well you clearly did else why are you trying to contact him again?

He doesn't care. At all. OP shouldn't either.