Ghosted after a great first date. Best response?

[WildflowerGardens]

I had a first date with a man off hinge on Saturday afternoon - we had coffee and then walked round an illustration fair. The whole time we were laughing and talking animatedly and seemed to have a lot in common. At the end of the date he pulled me into a bear hug and said “see you again soon”.

I texted him that evening to say “Great to meet you, what a fun afternoon!” but he didn’t reply and it’s now Tuesday. I think I’ve been ghosted.

I feel like sending a final message, something like “Ghosting in your forties? I only date grown men: good luck with your ongoing search 👋 ” before blocking him but I’m not sure if I should do this.

My reasoning is that I think ghosting is crap behaviour and people who ghost should be called out on it.

Any advice very welcome.

Hardly worth messaging then. Honestly, leave it.

My reasoning is that I think ghosting is crap behaviour and people who ghost should be called out on it

He's not going to stop doing it because you send him a stroppy message. All you're likely to achieve is to confirm to him that he's dodged a bullet.

He didn't walk home, he had a 1.5 hour journey on a train as he lives about 50 miles away - whereas I live ten minutes away from where we had the date

I agree with others, just leave it. You’re obviously annoyed and fair enough, but you don’t need to ‘teach’ him anything. If he’s not got the decency to reply then he won’t give two hoots if you send him a message and it’ll just give him a reason to think he’s well shot and an ego boost as he’ll know that you wanted to see him again, when actually it’s you who is well shot.

Just don’t do anything that’s the best option.

But it's reality that it also used to happen decades ago before dating apps. Flaky people "forget" to ring after swapping phone numbers. They didn't show up to pre-arranged dates at pubs/restaurants/cinemas, etc. It's really nothing new at all. We can't keep blaming everything on social media/smart phones/apps etc.

Oh yes. I'm most definitely the weird one here 🙄

He's the bullet - a short, balding middle aged man with an undistinguished career and zero communication skills.

Very rude! And defeatist!

OK, no, now you're sounding weird. Don't get uppity at people on here giving you sound advice. It's a really bad look to send him a snotty message. Don't lower yourself. Really, it's truly not worth it.

This sums it up

Imagine his response if he gets your text, the one you’ve detailed above. He’s not going to think ‘crikey, I must amend my ways and I’m absolutely devastated that wildflowers doesn’t want to see me again.’ He’s going to get it, and think you’re weird and intense and be very grateful he didn’t pursue.
i can promise you op, he is not giving you a single bit of headspace, sending your text shows that you are.

Nah, don’t contact him. Wait for him to potentially reply in a few weeks and just give him a “who dis?” response

It allows for the behaviour but it didnt kick start the behaviour. People have always avoided awkward conversations!

Yet if he'd have messaged back, you'd presumably have gone on another date with him, despite him being "undistinguished" "zero...skills" etc? If you genuinely didn't want to see him again, you'd not have been remotely bothered that he didn't message you! Sounds like he's dodged a bullet and maybe picked up wrong "vibes" from you.

So bitchy! I love it 😍

For goodness sake don't send a shitty message. He enjoyed himself but didn't fancy you and he's too much of a coward not to tell you, or maybe his dog died, or there was some sort of emergency. If the latter, he'll be in touch. Whatever, leave it to him to contact you and in the meantime, move on with your life.

Sorry, but it was a great first date for you but he clearly didn’t feel you had chemistry. Perhaps he felt you were too much for him and talked too much? (That’s my main flaw, too.)

I think many people feel not following up with a message is signal enough that they are not interested - especially if they are male. Silence says it all without him possibly saying something hurtful.

I think you should just accept you had a lovely couple of ours away from the current project and move on.

But absolutely true!

So why bother asking for opinions when you clearly decided what you are going to do anyway 🤷🏻‍♀️

He's a balding, short man with bad teeth

ah. Here it is. Your ego has been hurt here. So even more reason to just leave it and not give him the satisfaction of knowing you’re thinking about him.

I thought my friend ghosted me for nearly 2 weeks when we had been in the middle of planning a Christmas catch up, dates had been suggested but not agreed, dates passed - turns out his mother died. He had so many people wondering why radio silence but it was easier to just not respond to anybody while dealing with the aftermath, then a couple of weeks later do a message to all apologising and updating. Not all radio silence is ghosting..

Leave it and please don’t send that message. He obviously didn’t feel it.

He's the balding, short, dentist-lacking bullet