Ghosted after a great first date. Best response?

[WildflowerGardens]

I had a first date with a man off hinge on Saturday afternoon - we had coffee and then walked round an illustration fair. The whole time we were laughing and talking animatedly and seemed to have a lot in common. At the end of the date he pulled me into a bear hug and said “see you again soon”.

I texted him that evening to say “Great to meet you, what a fun afternoon!” but he didn’t reply and it’s now Tuesday. I think I’ve been ghosted.

I feel like sending a final message, something like “Ghosting in your forties? I only date grown men: good luck with your ongoing search 👋 ” before blocking him but I’m not sure if I should do this.

My reasoning is that I think ghosting is crap behaviour and people who ghost should be called out on it.

Any advice very welcome.

It is this “leave it” stance that you you and most people on this MN that perpetuates this terrible disrespectful ghosting behaviour.
why not make it a point to call out this behaviour in hope that they may actually feel embarrassed and not do it to someone else.

i have done it before and they have responded apologetically as they realized their mistake when they were made aware.

not everyone will react the same or react at all but believe me I bet when they read ut at least deep down inside they will feel bad for ghosting (even if the wont admit) and when one day someone goshts them - they will feel like crap and hopefully remember the people they ghosted.

And yet you said it was a great first date and you are clearly annoyed that he doesn't want another date with you!! Do you usually fancy bald short blokes with bad teeth???

So are you actually bothered because you're offended that a man who's beneath you isn't begging for a second date?

Yes, it happens to be my particular type

Social niceties?

Nobody wants this has a good episode on this - guys who so want to be seen as ‘nice’ they come off as really into people they aren’t.

Maybe he went on a date that evening with someone who he then was really into. Happened to me years back - had a second date set up with a guy who didn’t show. Turned out between date 1 and date 2 he’d met the love of his life. They got married and had kids!

regardless, block / ignore. Please x

No… the Best response is silence, move on to the next one

Um wtf? Why are you upset that he doesn’t want to see you again then? You sound really nasty and spiteful and maybe he picked up on that during your date.

It's less to do with a second date and more a courtesy thing - if someone has travelled to meet you and take two hours out of their Saturday it's the decent thing to do to take twenty seconds to text "lovely meeting you, thanks for a nice afternoon but I didn't feel there was chemistry, take care"

Lessons to take away are don’t travel to them and don’t be the first one to text following the date. You’ll feel much less wounded and disgruntled. If guys are serious they’ll come to you. You also sound like you need to date more. You won’t notice much if one guy doesn’t follow up if you’ve got other dates lined up. I didn’t respond to lots of guys who followed up on dates because from experience whatever you say doesn’t go down well. The end result is the same however you dress it up.

Where did I say that those qualities were a bad thing?

It’s a bit rude on his part but I’m not sure I’d put this in the “ghosting” category, and it’s definitely not worth another message. Pretty sure not responding after a first date happened when I was dating in the early 00s! I’m not sure anyone really owes much to anyone else after one date.

OP he can’t be that unimpressive. You wanted to go out with him again! Honestly just leave it and redirect your attention to the next date.

Yeah, that was believable, until you started going on about how ugly he was.

Ghosting absolutely, positively, and categorically did happen before the advent of Dating Apps. It happened to me numerous times, as well as being stood up. I was stood up by a girl I was crazy about three times! I was so into her, I didn't care I was being made a fool of until I saw sense eventually.

In the past (pre mobiles) if a guy didn't call after a date you knew he wasn't interested so just forgot about it. Similarly if a guy gave me his number and I decided not to call it really wasn't a big deal.

I honestly thought 'ghosting' meant there had to be some sort of relationship in place then one party just ceased contact, not just a single date!

Not ugly - I don't mind baldness or suboptimal teeth

So why did you mention them?

Don't send the message.
Just leave it and take the high road.

He’s had a lucky escape.

In your posts. I’m guessing you’re a troll or a perfect example of the term “narcissistic rage”. If men are so desperate to date you, why are you on the apps going on dates with guys you say are unattractive losers?

@renthead

I’m not sure anyone really owes much to anyone else after one date.

Nail on the head. It was one date! Pretty sure it's fairly normal not to hear from someone again after just one "innocent" date. Completely different if you'd been dating for a while, or it was someone you'd slept with. A single day time date without even a kiss means bugger all.

Because it's my thread and as an author I am used to describing people

He might not be ignoring you.

He might have just fallen in a hole...
in the fog...
and he's stuck there...
in the middle of the night...
with an OWL.

You could ask him that. I would.

And yet you chose to go on a date with him, enjoyed it, and clearly wanted to go on another one. If you thought you were dodging a bullet, you'd be relieved not to have to let him down, whereas in fact you're absolutely fuming that he's not interested in you. You clearly liked him enough to think your first date was great. He didn't feel the same, though.

I'm starting to think he ghosted you for a reason because, with all your talk about how you're a 'busy author' and have spent your life fighting off attention from men because you're so attractive etc, and your responses to people on this thread, you are starting to come across in a way that makes me wonder how you came across to this man on the date. You don't seem hugely self-aware, to be honest.

My take on it too!

I didn't say those qualities were a bad thing. And no - not a narcissist. Do try harder.