Ghosted after a great first date. Best response?

[WildflowerGardens]

I had a first date with a man off hinge on Saturday afternoon - we had coffee and then walked round an illustration fair. The whole time we were laughing and talking animatedly and seemed to have a lot in common. At the end of the date he pulled me into a bear hug and said “see you again soon”.

I texted him that evening to say “Great to meet you, what a fun afternoon!” but he didn’t reply and it’s now Tuesday. I think I’ve been ghosted.

I feel like sending a final message, something like “Ghosting in your forties? I only date grown men: good luck with your ongoing search 👋 ” before blocking him but I’m not sure if I should do this.

My reasoning is that I think ghosting is crap behaviour and people who ghost should be called out on it.

Any advice very welcome.

So? You don’t have to accept that. Texting him your message is just childish, makes you like slightly nuts and just cements in his mind he was right to ghost you.

block him or don’t block him - but deffo don’t text him. And if he slides back into your DMs in a couple of weeks /months you are entitled to say

”thanks for reaching out but a second date isn’t on the cards at this time” and then block if you wish

you know… like an adult would do 🙄

We don't need to, men talk shit about women on the internet all the time.

I write copy for a living and I write fiction in my spare time.

You do op and I agree, it's cringe.

I agree his behaviour is bad and indicative of low standards on internet dating.

But do not send that follow up text - it wont make him regret his ghosting behaviour. Rather, it will give him the validation for his actions as in “She’s volatile - she’d have given me abuse if i rejected her, i did the right thing”. The way to make him realise he is rude is to behave impeccably yourself - youve sent a friendly text and he has ignored so you withdraw.

Of course the danger is he does pop up again in the New Year (men NEVER ghost, they only zombie) so if there’s any risk youll be tempted to reply then you could block him.

If you really want to send him a text, i guess there is nothing to lose as hes not worth having. It might have the benefit of stopping him contacting you ever again. But it will NOT achieve your aim of making him rue his behaviour - it will do the opposite.

Is this what you meant when you said you had to travel.....

I do it professionally - it's nice that you have spare time, though

Wow .. so you didn’t really like him anyway then? What a mean spirited comment.

It's still only Tuesday though. Does that count as ghosting?

Thank you!! This is great advice

I think you're right. I won't text him again!! You all are right!

It's an accurate description of him, I'm not being unfair here

And yet you met him for a date and you're ego has been dented because you were ghosted.

Have a word with yourself will ya.

So he travelled to meet you while you only lived ten minutes away, yet you said: I’m a busy author and took time out from finishing edits in order to travel to meet this man... Which is it?

Also, this business about taking time out of your busy day and him not respecting that is nonsense.

Both parties on a date are hoping to meet someone to have a relationship (of whatever nature) with. Both have lives. You are not doing a man a favour by going out with him, and it will lead to some quite unhealthy dynamics if you think you are.

Yes - I live in a city where even a ten minute journey costs quite a bit and I have a walk to the station and back, actually

no need for me to rush projects

Then why did you say you were 'busy' and had to take time out for your one date with this man, ten minutes from your home (but for which you still 'had to travel')?

I tried to end the date after an hour and a half by saying I was going to the local Sainsbury's "to get the bargains". To my dismay he said "oooh I love a bargain, I'll join" (I hadn't asked him to join). Then he followed me round Sainsbury's in a canine fashion and walked my route to the train I was getting back, rather than to his separate station.

But you also had 'a great first date' and texted him to tell him how much you enjoyed it. Which is it?

There is absolutely no way you are an author. You can't even get your story straight on this thread, let alone in a novel.

Those statements are not mutually exclusive

“Had to travel all the way to the date” = lives 10 minutes away

“It was a great date!” = I tried to get out of the date early by going to Sainsbury’s and to my dismay he came with me. I dodged a bullet by him ghosting me!

What a bizarre thread and OP.

Either this is a troll or someone with a VERY bruised ego.

Well I'm no author but you sound batshit bonkers.

Maybe he picked up on your bitch energy.

wow!

Nothing worse then when the Mrs changes her plans, and I have to ghost my potential side fling because she's about suddenly.

Huh?

You said in your OP

The whole time we were laughing and talking animatedly and seemed to have a lot in common.

But now he has zero communication skills?

You clearly aren't a reader capable of understanding nuance.

I texted to say "great to meet you" out of politeness and common decency.

You seem rather obsessive so I'll not be replying to you again. Good luck with your hobby of writing fiction

😂