Ghosted after a great first date. Best response?

[WildflowerGardens]

I had a first date with a man off hinge on Saturday afternoon - we had coffee and then walked round an illustration fair. The whole time we were laughing and talking animatedly and seemed to have a lot in common. At the end of the date he pulled me into a bear hug and said “see you again soon”.

I texted him that evening to say “Great to meet you, what a fun afternoon!” but he didn’t reply and it’s now Tuesday. I think I’ve been ghosted.

I feel like sending a final message, something like “Ghosting in your forties? I only date grown men: good luck with your ongoing search 👋 ” before blocking him but I’m not sure if I should do this.

My reasoning is that I think ghosting is crap behaviour and people who ghost should be called out on it.

Any advice very welcome.

But you said you were 10 minutes away from where you had the date, whereas he had to travel 1.5 hours on a train... I wouldn't call that "travelled to meet you". HE did, you didn't inconvenience yourself at all.

Honestly, having read through some of your responses, I wouldn't be at all surprised if he went home, reflected on the date and realised that you are a LOT. Yes, he should have followed up, but based on your multitude of posts about this single date, he perhaps RIGHTLY realised you were going to be a hell of a lot of drama.

Made up shite.

@ThatCyanCat it’s far fetched because OP’s previous posts tell a very different story about her life. For things to have changed this much between previous posts and now would require a level of hard work, self discipline, luck and confidence that isn’t reflected in the person responding on here.

The posts on money are, ironically, the works of fiction.

Ok, I admit I didn't read her previous threads but I don't think she has ever claimed not to be a writer (someone said she said she was a journalist) or not to be single. The stuff about great beauty and fabulous wealth was clearly a joke, can't see the issue there. A freelance writer going on a date or two doesn't sound like an impossible scenario to me. A freelance writer procrastinating on the Internet and banging out a lot of posts (especially such short ones) definitely doesn't sound impossible to me.

But even if it is completely made up, I don't care. Gave me proper lols yesterday. This is old school stuff, I love it.

Never been so tempted to skip to the last page of the story.

"See you again soon" is one of those meaningless comments we all tend to make in polite company, a bit like, "you must pop in when you're in the area!" We are then aghast when that person wants to pop in ... :)

He liked your company but did not see a spark/mutual attraction. That is all. So he did have a great time but has thought about the implications of meeting again and that this would give a wrong message.

Anyone else hoping hes asked her out again after that cringe message she sent him so he can ghost her again so she gets the message loud and clear?

But this isn't equivalent to that because OP has contacted him.

The historical equivalent is someone calling you after a date and saying they had a nice time and you just putting the phone down. Or someone saying in person that they had a lovely time and you just turn around and walk away. It's rude.

Yes so true. She doesn’t seem very nice

You sound insufferable OP, no wonder he didn’t want a second date. Maybe he anticipated the kind of snarky reply you’d send to his polite text gently letting you down and decided not to bother. And since he travelled an hour and 40 mins round trip for the date and you only travelled a 20 min round trip he probably didn’t feel particularly guilty about the time you gave up.

One person's "insufferable" is another's "charming eccentric" 🤩

I think OP has been a breath of fresh air on MN! This thread makes a nice change from the usual self-flagellating anguish about niceties.

I don’t particularly mind whether it’s made up, either — the OP is authentically cantankerous, and hilarious, which is enough for me, even if I think her being a successful writer who is doing terribly well off her royalties is total fiction. I’m a novelist. I know a lot of novelists, some far more high-profile than I am. None of us live off our royalties alone. We all have jobs, many in universities, to help pay the bills. (I am marking at the moment, hence being on here in between batches.) Plus the OP refers very recently to having a very low income. That’s not going to change overnight.

Surely this is a wind up?
Why would you constantly go on and on about being an author? And telling people they can go out with him?
You're not bothered... But you're bothered enough to write a thread and keep replying.
And the way you have described the looks of the poor man is just awful.

I think an awful lot of people haven't got the joke, which is fine because that's the point of the joke. And yes, some people will get the joke and just not find it funny, which is fine. But a lot of people haven't got it.

The historical equivalent is someone calling you after a date and saying they had a nice time and you just putting the phone down. Or someone saying in person that they had a lovely time and you just turn around and walk away. It's rude.

Not really.
It was normal not to follow up a first date in any way unless you wanted to see them again.

Or, if they said to your face they'd had a nice time, you'd smile and say 'Thanks for coming today.'

Pre-mobiles, you either made a firm commitment at the end of the date for another date, or (usually the man) would say he'd call you (and he might or might not ) or you'd both walk away knowing it hadn't been a success and that would be that.

There was none of this 'follow up' by text where either of you agonised if the text didn't arrive. Or sending snarky texts if they didn't ask to see you again within 48 hours. The equivalent would have been to phone them - either 'just for a chat' - or to angle for another date and some sign they wanted to see you again.

What is the joke?

Yes I wish someone would explain because to me all I see is a very unhappy person who can't maintain a relationship and according to her other threads has a lot of problems with family, finances etc.

But I think it's different if no one contacts anyone afterwards, I wouldn't consider that ghosting. But if someone does get in touch afterwards it's rude not to just send them a quick message to reply and say you aren't interested. Or even, as given in your example, just say 'thank you for coming today'. Not saying anything in reply is something you couldn't do pre-mobiles.

I agree but the OP sent a snarky 'poem' which just stopped short of calling him a c...t (that was the word that rhymed with her 'blunt' on the previous line) because he'd not contacted her.

Had I been him, I'd have blocked her.

Oh yeah I fully agree that was ridiculous. I'd have blocked her too.

Well this thread has taken a turn since I first read it yesterday morning!

I wonder how the second date happened op. Did I miss the play by play?

something like…

op: hey short baldy, hey ducky duckitoo, here’s a poem, you’re a c*nt
Mr you-can-have-him: oh. I see. I’m sorry, my bad, I’ll go out for a second date if it’s the right thing… elite vip dinner gala I guess…?

Did I imagine it correctly?

Despite your enjoyable date, he may feel there was no chemistry so is just leaving it. I enjoy watching First dates and sometimes you just can’t tell, some seem so suited and got on, then one of them just didn’t feel the chemistry despite that.

i would leave it but am not on dating scene and some of what i hear is so crazy
just meet more men

Dont jump to the conclusion that you have been ghosted. I would leave it for a week and do nothing if you dont hear from him.