Ghosted after a great first date. Best response?

[WildflowerGardens]

I had a first date with a man off hinge on Saturday afternoon - we had coffee and then walked round an illustration fair. The whole time we were laughing and talking animatedly and seemed to have a lot in common. At the end of the date he pulled me into a bear hug and said “see you again soon”.

I texted him that evening to say “Great to meet you, what a fun afternoon!” but he didn’t reply and it’s now Tuesday. I think I’ve been ghosted.

I feel like sending a final message, something like “Ghosting in your forties? I only date grown men: good luck with your ongoing search 👋 ” before blocking him but I’m not sure if I should do this.

My reasoning is that I think ghosting is crap behaviour and people who ghost should be called out on it.

Any advice very welcome.

Cat died, grandma’s ill, he’s been abducted by Mossad. I mean, it COULD be anything, but it almost certainly isn’t.

Not many things stop you dropping a text back OP, and that’s just manners. He’d be a write off for me, even if he does reemerge several days later.

Reading just OP's posts was like reading a fun little short story with an unreliable narrator, while trying to figure out what the main character truly wants.

I would leave it. Shitty of him to ghost you but if you send a message like that, he will think you’re nuts and think he’s dodged a bullet.

I would just let it go.

So why give him all this head space?
Especially as it is only couple of days, that’s surely not ‘ghosting’.
Just because he isn’t instantly smitten doesn’t make him a bad guy.
Just leave it and get on with your busy authoring.
If he does contact you again to arrange a setting date there is no need to be rude or offensive, just say ‘thank you but as you didnt reply to my last message for a few days I’d prefer now just to leave this’.
This cimminicates ti him clearly what he he did wrong, in your opinion, without being unkind.

People that do the ghosting do not want any further conversation or engagement with the ’ghostee’. Although it would be polite to for them to send a msg ’thanks for the date but it’s a no’, it unfortunately invites a response, and probably a negative one at that from the receiver. It kind of sets the scene for further responses on both sides, and on and on it goes….
Most men in the dating scene know this and if you’re not what they’re looking for, they’ll just move straight on without a word.
As for the bear hug at the end of the date, it could’ve been just a quick trial on the man’s behalf to see if there was any physical spark for him.
Unfortunately OP, you felt there was potential with this man but it seems unlikely he felt the same. It’s a hard blow to one’s self esteem to be rejected, even after just one date; but the silence says it all.

The OP is clearly unstable. Bipolar would be my guess, or she could be Neurodivergent. Her mental health is not what it should be and she is not self aware. These are not ‘slurs’ they are observations based on her responses. I am concerned for her and for this man who has unwittingly subjected himself to a potentially very unpleasant time as she will likely come down even harder on him if/when he decides this situation is not for him.

She is simultaneously saying she is beautiful and ugly, has a busy life and wonderful friends but has no life and will likely die alone, as well as being needy.

I think the best thing for the OP would be some carefully selected self help books as a start, a doctors appointment, therapy if it can be afforded, and possibly mood stabilisers. It will make her life far more bearable and happy. Creatives suffer, I’m speaking from personal experience and am in the process of taking my own advice. Good luck OP.

😂😂😂
Likewise

Come on people, RTFT.
You're just encouraging her to come back and repeatedly call you all ducky ducks, and tell you she's over the moon to be going on a fancy second date with Mr Baldy Bad Teeth with Zero Communication and Canine Like Behaviour.

You send him this:

Tell me you're not really an author without telling me...

Try using ‘unhinged’ next time as I think that’s what you are OP 😂

HRTFT but ....Can we stop picking on short men. I married one and he was the loveliest man ever, and his 3 successful sons ( also short) have smart, gorgeous, wonderful gf's. Most people aren't that shallow now. And balding can be cool. The zero communication skills are a problem but then why did you want to see him again!!

@WildflowerGardens just another perspective. My mobile phone completely broke down without any warning recently. In for repair, then days of being cut off from all my contacts.. before finally having to replace and try to recover all my lost data. It happens.

I think give it a few more days before assuming he won’t contact, and I agree he should do so but frankly people don’t have courtesy these days - just delete his contact and move on. Whilst I have a segree of sympathy your subsequent comments show you are obsessed in an unhealthy way; you’ve made comments about his appearance and very very defensive about push-backs on this thread. I think you need to look at your reaction to all this and maybe give dating a rest for a bit.

You are a busy author who managed to write almost 200 comments in under 24 hours and suggest blocking someone who is not responding to you (why block them? They are not communicating with you lol)

I suggest you invest less time in something some insignificant and focus on your important authoring work ahahahaha

You sound bitter. That's an unattractive trait. No need to be sour grapes just because an adult decides they don't fancy you.

as for getting unwanted attention all your life, wow, I wouldn't feel flattered by that!

I'm going to hold my hands up and confess that I've ghosted blokes after first dates. Even second ones. I was dating loads of people at the time and it just happened. And equally I've been on "great first dates" where the person has messaged as soon as I'm home, I've messaged back... then radio silence! I never messaged them back as what would I say? Don't chase a ghost. I caveat this is dates, not relationships. I honestly believe if someone likes you enough they'll make time for you. No one is too busy. You want to be with someone who really wants to be with you, which isn't impossible! I tend to think you know when you've found it as it's easy. And, I do see people's points that's it's disrespectful etc, but equally I think you may as well just move forward.

I felt quite sorry for you on other threads, OP, as it’s clear you have serious self esteem issues and your personal life is quite sad. Your responses were mostly self aware and reasonable.

This bitchy Walter Mitty persona does suggest it’s a bit more than low self esteem and bad dating luck at play though.

Your grasp on your own thoughts about ghoster man seem loose, much less your grasp on reality. Whether there actually is a second date or not, your time would be better spent getting support for your MH issues than chasing validation through a fantasy life on mumsnet. Perhaps your sister could advise.

I don't actually see why people think this is so farfetched. Freelance writer who makes a living, perhaps even a good living, meets a guy and they go on a second date. What's so hard to believe? The stuff about being fabulously wealthy from it is obviously a joke to wind angry people up and it's worked.

Leave quietly. You do not owe your time or energy to an entitled man who can't reply to a text in four days. You also do not want him. This is his best ever behaviour. Men will only learn if they lose their privlilege for being arseholes. Yes, that leaves a very small pool, and it means women need to get really really comfortable with being single. But it cuts out the part where you waste your best years and a divorce on him. So there's that. Have a look at burned haystack on FB.

I hope you have a really great second date, OP. Thanks for all the laughs, and the wonderful poems you have elicited. This thread has been pure gold, the very best of Mumsnet. So refreshing to see witty posts that are a bit of light relief from horrible husbands, dreadful children and ghastly MILs.

...But she is an author, so there.
....Living off a s**t tonne of royalties, so there.
...and baldy bad breath Patrick Swayze has actually messaged her back, so there. 😂😂😂

I love your thread OP, please come back.😀

I think it’s not for the best, all things considered, as we have different texting styles and I’m looking for someone more in contact. No hard feelings

Is there any point seeing him again? Will you cancel the date?
You've decided he isn't for you because he doesn't text as much as you want.

Hi OP,

So you sent him the poem berating him for ghost (albeit in a witty way) and he responded asking you out on Date 2?

Do you actually want to go?

Dating is harsh and i think, as women, we can get drawn into the game of “He likes me, he likes me not”. And forget the more relevant question of “Do i like him?”. Are you actually attracted enough to this guy to want a potentially romantic/sexual relationship? He sounds a bit grim. I’m speaking more about trailing after you round Tesco than the receding hairline (although kissing someone with bad teeth is an unappealing thought).

By all means go if you want to explore more - but i wouldnt get too investing. I think there is a high chance he will cancel on you given his actions so far. I dont think he is at all worth the mental bandwidth youre affording him and i think its too bad a start to transform into anything good.

Hope you prove me wrong though!