Is a man being bisexual a turn off?

[Username3021]

As a man I think im bisexual but when it comes to dating and being in relationships I only see myself with women, I also want a family someday also. Apparently lots of women are turned off by bisexual men where as a lot of men dont mind bisexual women, I also dont like the idea of hiding it from my future partner because I think your partner should know everything.

Would my sexuality be a problem?

I have quite a few gay male friends and have found it a rarity for them to cheat, That said, I do get the reasoning from some that they would feel they can't satisfy a particular sexual itch for the bi man and worry that he may seek others to do so.

For me, and this may be wrong, but in honesty I see my male gay friends as my sisters, not brothers. Nearer to me in outlook than to straight men in my life, for sure.

I think hence I see bi men as a bit feminine and as I'm generally attracted to 'manly' men I think I'd find it off putting?

I guess I've never thought about it before and in answering the question I may have uncovered a bit of internalised bias and stereotyping but it is what it is.

I don't think anyone should be telling anyone else what they should be OK with in a relationship.

Same here, my exp was bi, but not open about it. As in I found out via drip feed and he was ashamed and in denial about his feelings towards men, certainly would never and will never tell his family or openly date a man.

I wish he’d have been honest because I would have accepted him, it was the dishonesty that broke us up.
To answer your question - yes I would, but only if they lived their life openly.

I disagree with all of those points but if you add a caveat to D so it reads.....

d) I find the idea of men being intimate with other men before or whilst   sleeping with me unattractive.

......then it's pretty much spot on.

That's how I feel.

I don't find the idea of men having sex with each other disgusting AT ALL. I have many gay friends and 100% back their relationships/marriages/sex lives. I have and would stand beside them and back them against those who oppose them.

I just don't want it for myself.

Ooooh, I had no idea that's what happens on Mumsnet if you indent 😂

Not personally, but everyone is different.

ftr, every bi man i've slept with has been a LOT better in bed than the straight ones.. they act like they're actually interested in my pleasure, not just getting themselves off.

Not only do I strongly prefer other bisexual people, when I was dating, being bisexual became a requirement after experiencing enough straight men oversexualising bi women for their own gratification and enough of the accusations and tension from lesbian partners that I'll never get involved with either again.

However, I also wouldn't get into a relationship with anyone who said said anything like 'everyone is a bit bisexual' or viewed one sex as for sexual relationships only. Both give me the fuck no ick.

Why is thinking someone is gay (rather than bisexual) a negative thing? Your thoughts and feelings appear to be routed in homophobia.

It's a recognised oddity that bisexuals of either sex are often presumed to 'actually' only want men and that our acting on our attraction to women is to either attract men or to manipulate & hurt women.

It's not homophobic to notice this issue that's been talked about for decades or find it off-putting and negative how often it is presumed that someone is lying about being bisexual and really only wants dick.

Dating and relationships are by definition exclusionary. I don't care about other adult's preferences behind closed doors. I do get why others might find seeing the same old negative tropes about bisexuals being trotted out a bit tiresome.

Men who have sex with men are at a greater risk than their heterosexual male counterparts.

True. However, a bisexual man who has never had sex with another man - or anyone - is still bisexual with the same risks as their heterosexual - or other virgin - counterparts. Just knowing a person's sexuality doesn't tell us what their STI risks are. Only STI testing does.

I personally can't be truly attracted/interested unless I feel a man is all for me, that he's really in to me and I'd be able to truly fulfill him. If you think you have the right to dictate what others find attractive, it's yourself who's in need of some introspection.

I don't think I have a right to dictate what others find attractive.

I do think there is a common misunderstanding that bisexuals have some sort of side that we can never have fulfilled by another individual, perpetuated by the cultural concept that sexualities are all about being attracted to a sex rather than to an individual. I think that cultural model has flaws that cause many issues.

Bisexuals are in relationships with a person, not a side, just like everyone else. I've been married for a couple decades, I'm utterly, truly fulfilled by my husband. My sexuality has been channelled into my relationship with him, regardless of my previous relationships and attractions.

The idea I won't be because I've previously had sex with women and have been attracted to women holds about as much water to me as the manosphere types who claim I can no longer properly pair bond because of how many previous sexual partners I've had. These ideas gain a lot of popularity within our current cultural frameworks around sexuality, and I think work needs to be done for better models, even if it doesn't change at all whether people find bisexuals to be attractive partners. It might at least humanise us a bit more.

Hang on a minute. I was the one who said about beard/broodmare. Did you even read my post properly? I said at the start that if a bi man was attracted to people, to personalities, perhaps I might be attracted to him. If I'd met a man who said yeah I was once in a relationship with a nice fella, he was kind and we got on really well but it didn't work out, then maybe. I don't think this would be somebody more likely to cheat.

Conversely, if I met a straight man who said "oh I like blondes with big tits for sex but I wouldn't be in a romantic or companionable relationship with one. I want to settle down with a brunette like you and have kids" I would get the massive ick and run a million miles. And I do think he'd be more likely to cheat, and I would have no intention of finding out the hard way by making myself physically, emotionally and financially vulnerable by having children with him.

Exactly the same here sadly. Feel very sorry for him because it must be horrible living a lie.

I think some women are already dating or married to bimen, it's like an open secret.

I would appreciate a man being upfront and yes I would consider dating him if I felt the sexual chemistry and attraction, however I'm at an age where if I date it would be for fun and frienship as I've done the family and home thing and I wouldn't want to live together and merge finances and all that.
If a man wanted a lavender marriage though, and he was loaded and generous then I might consider it.😅

To add a bit more,at my age, the men I've been finding handsome IRL and neat looking have been gay or happily married. Older straight single men seem to age harsher.
I know not every gay or bi man will be stylish and well groomed though this is just a very broad personal observation.

And it would be both defended on here, and mumsnet allow it to stand

This is how every thread about male bisexuality goes on MN. A ton of posters using OTT, lurid language to convey just how disgusting they find bisexual men, then denying they're biphobic and flinging around accusations that other posters are forcing them to date men they don't want to. Lots of stuff about diseases, I'm guessing? Haven't RTFT. So showing up their homophobia as well.

Something no one ever has a good answer for is how they know a man is bisexual (or has had sex with other men in the past, whether they identify as bisexual) without being told. Apparently you can be attracted to, fall in love with and even have a marriage with a man, but the revelation that he's had sex with a man will kill your attraction stone dead.

I also find it strange because personally I find the idea of two men together very attractive indeed (as do many, many women - see the fanfic world).

It's a recognised oddity that bisexuals of either sex are often presumed to 'actually' only want men and that our acting on our attraction to women is to either attract men or to manipulate & hurt women.
It's not homophobic to notice this issue that's been talked about for decades or find it off-putting and negative how often it is presumed that someone is lying about being bisexual and really only wants dick.

This is definitely a trope I've noticed. Very interesting to think about.

I would also note a similarity in how bisexual men are viewed by many women, and how promiscuous women are viewed by many men - as if the dick they've had has somehow "tainted" them. They're talked about in terms of disgust. Not the case for people who've had sex with a lot of women.

I find it strange that so many people find Henry Caville attractive as he gives me the ick. Isn’t it funny how everyone has different preferences and likes?

Finding out a man is bisexual is just a turn off for some women, why is that so hard for you? No one is saying you can’t find them attractive!

But you don't know if they're bisexual to look at them, ie to become attracted to them. One tends to be attracted to someone because of how they look and their character - being bisexual changes neither of these things. What is so unattractive about bisexuality that it can override a good-looking face, a hot body or a kind and generous personality?

In the same way some women are given the ick by the way some men conduct themselves, or the way some men are around other women, or the way some men are around the house. It’s individual for everyone. I find right wing men a massive turn off, they could look like a young Brad Pitt but if they’re a Tory I just don’t want to know. Same if they’re were bisexual.

No I don't think it would bother me at all. I could see it being a bit of a struggle having a whole other gender they may be attracted to but being attracted to women never stopped a straight man cheating, so whatever.

Zov DOES get to speak up on threads though, and tell someone that they have no right to accuse women of bigotry, and homophobia - purely because they wouldn't want to be with a bisexual man.

YOU don't get to police what I say! I can see it's jarring you and irking you that some women would never want to be with a bisexual man, but some don't and it's got nothing to do with you, and they don't have to explain themselves to you. And they do NOT deserve to be called bigots or homophobics!

@TeenageSu1cideDontDoit Thank you.

It's just feels so off to me to object in any way shape or form to someone not wanting to be in a sexual relationship with another person...there doesn't even have to be a reason, let alone an 'acceptable' one.

People saying they don’t want to be with a bi man is fine

people saying that bi men make them feel sick, are likely to cheat, and are vile is not

Sure, anyone can say whatever they want on the internet. And they absolutely do deserve to be called bigots, because they are, as is self-evident from the ways they’re describing bisexual men here.

@Username3021 yes it would be a turn off for me. Just be honest and up front and accept it will be a no for a lot of women but that there will also be a lot who won’t be bothered.

I've dated someone who is bi, although I didn't know it at the time. Didn't bother me when I found out, more just 'huh...didn't clock that one!'.

I'm also bi (I'm a woman), my partner (a man) knew that before we got together (because he was my friend first and I told him). Obviously he isn't bothered.

It wouldn't cross my mind to care that someone is bi when dating etc. Weirdly I had a recent conversation with a female friend who couldn't believe that another female friend was dating a bi man. I don't get the angst to be honest but maybe that's because I'm bi? Not sure.

If you're into monogamy it doesn't matter what range of people you find attractive?

Calling someone a bigot is so overused that it is becoming meaningless, unless in marking the name caller as someone who likes to give a good virtue signaling kicking.

Women aren't responsible for offering men fair chances. Women are trying to find the best match for themselves. Everyone is using some heuristics and feelings based factors.

And no, honest replies to the OP's question doesn't "deserve" the name calling. The OP asked and received uncensored feelings of real women, he can use it to explain better what his bisexuality would mean for the relationship with him. Would a heavily policed version be of any use?