Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Is a man being bisexual a turn off?

202 replies

Username3021 · 07/12/2025 13:02

As a man I think im bisexual but when it comes to dating and being in relationships I only see myself with women, I also want a family someday also. Apparently lots of women are turned off by bisexual men where as a lot of men dont mind bisexual women, I also dont like the idea of hiding it from my future partner because I think your partner should know everything.

Would my sexuality be a problem?

OP posts:
Original poster
Username3021 · 07/12/2025 14:31

@AhBiscuits im more pickier when it comes to men and I feel as if im more attracted to women in general

OP posts:
bignewprinz · 07/12/2025 14:32

Username3021 · 07/12/2025 14:30

@bignewprinz I dont think its biphobic to not want to date a bi man because at the end of the day its a preference.

Of course it's not. But Barbara the homophobe will tell you it is.

TeenageSu1cideDontDoit · 07/12/2025 14:33

BarbarasRhabarberba · 07/12/2025 14:31

Did you actually read the post I responded to? It was packed full of biphobic tropes like you must really be gay and you just want to use a woman to have a family. What is NOT discriminatory about that? Zov doesn’t get to police the thread and tell people to shut up when they call out bigotry.

Show quote history

There’s nothing discriminating about why she said, she’s right! YOU don’t get police to people’s sexual preference and tell them to examine their prejudices!

BarbarasRhabarberba · 07/12/2025 14:33

minipie · 07/12/2025 14:31

Yeah this.

I don’t understand why you would be physically attracted to both sexes but you only want relationships or a family with women. That does have a whiff of “actually gay but in denial” about it.

I do not believe all bi people are gay, at all, but for me a truly bi person would be open to having a relationship with a man or a woman.

Show quote history

This is just a fundamental
misunderstanding of bisexuality. Just because you’re straight, would you have a romantic relationship with every single person of the opposite sex? No. Some people you might think are hot and you’d sleep with them but you wouldn’t date them. It’s literally no different.

totalrocket · 07/12/2025 14:33

Yeah

Flingotheflamingo · 07/12/2025 14:34

Yes. I’m afraid I wouldn’t be interested in a bisexual man. I have some male bisexual friends and I’m thrilled for them, but it isn’t for me.

BarbarasRhabarberba · 07/12/2025 14:34

TeenageSu1cideDontDoit · 07/12/2025 14:33

There’s nothing discriminating about why she said, she’s right! YOU don’t get police to people’s sexual preference and tell them to examine their prejudices!

Show quote history

If someone is displaying prejudice of any variety I absolutely will tell them to examine it whether they’re OK with that or not.

roseymoira · 07/12/2025 14:34

No way - men like these use women to create a family, then go off shagging men

BarbarasRhabarberba · 07/12/2025 14:35

bignewprinz · 07/12/2025 14:32

Of course it's not. But Barbara the homophobe will tell you it is.

Show quote history

It is biphobic when the reasoning boils down to thinking they’re really gay, more likely to cheat, repulsive, less masculine. And I’ve never seen anyone able to give a reason that isn’t based on prejudiced tropes like these. And yes, biphobia exists in the gay community too.

Fidgetbottom · 07/12/2025 14:35

It would be a dealbreaker for me.

minipie · 07/12/2025 14:36

BarbarasRhabarberba · 07/12/2025 14:33

This is just a fundamental
misunderstanding of bisexuality. Just because you’re straight, would you have a romantic relationship with every single person of the opposite sex? No. Some people you might think are hot and you’d sleep with them but you wouldn’t date them. It’s literally no different.

Show quote history

Yeah, agree, there could easily be some people I’d be attracted to and sleep with but not date or marry. But that would be based on their personality. Not their sex. I can’t imagine being bi but deciding that all men are no good for relationships. No matter what they are like as people?

TeenageSu1cideDontDoit · 07/12/2025 14:39

BarbarasRhabarberba · 07/12/2025 14:34

If someone is displaying prejudice of any variety I absolutely will tell them to examine it whether they’re OK with that or not.

Show quote history

Then you’ll get call out for your rapey attitude. You don’t get to tell people what they’re allowed to like and dislike. Anyone who coerces someone into a sexual relationship is a rapist.

LittleMi55Nobody · 07/12/2025 14:41

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Whatado · 07/12/2025 14:41

BarbarasRhabarberba · 07/12/2025 14:06

nah. I’ll call out prejudice every time I see it. If you’re happy being discriminatory against certain demographics for no good reason that’s your prerogative but don’t expect not to have it pointed out to you.

Show quote history

I always find this so laughable that heterosexual people are the only category of sexual attraction that isnt actually allowed to be just that.

Just as gay, bi sexual, pan sexual and every other newly defined category of sexual and romantic attraction are fully entitled to own their sexuality so is a heterosexual person.

That includes not being sexually attracted to people who aren't heterosexual.

Turn on and offs are just that. The thought of two men having sex as being a turn off to some people is absolutely no different than not being sexually attracted to someone who is heavy into BSDM, when you arent.

It is no more controllable than a person who is sexually turned on by the thought.

LittleMi55Nobody · 07/12/2025 14:43

Whatado · 07/12/2025 14:41

I always find this so laughable that heterosexual people are the only category of sexual attraction that isnt actually allowed to be just that.

Just as gay, bi sexual, pan sexual and every other newly defined category of sexual and romantic attraction are fully entitled to own their sexuality so is a heterosexual person.

That includes not being sexually attracted to people who aren't heterosexual.

Turn on and offs are just that. The thought of two men having sex as being a turn off to some people is absolutely no different than not being sexually attracted to someone who is heavy into BSDM, when you arent.

It is no more controllable than a person who is sexually turned on by the thought.

Show quote history

huh ??

TeenageSu1cideDontDoit · 07/12/2025 14:43

BarbarasRhabarberba · 07/12/2025 14:35

It is biphobic when the reasoning boils down to thinking they’re really gay, more likely to cheat, repulsive, less masculine. And I’ve never seen anyone able to give a reason that isn’t based on prejudiced tropes like these. And yes, biphobia exists in the gay community too.

Edited
Show quote history

JFC! I wouldn’t date a Muslim man because I think Islam is a fucking cult, does that make me Islamophobic? I wouldn’t date someone more than 10 years older than me cos ew. Does that make me agephobic? I won’t date anyone because I’m married does that mean I’m discriminating against single people? You don’t get to tell people what they’re allowed to like and dislike. People can choose not date or shag someone for any reason whatsoever, I have absolutely rejected blokes in the past because I didn’t think they were “manly” enough. I’ve rejected blokes cos they were too tall, too small, ugly twats or creepy AF. Each one is a choice I get to make because it’s MY life and MY body. FU with your rape apology attitude!

ThreeSixtyTwo · 07/12/2025 14:43

If you meet the right woman and agree to start a family with her, are you ready to give up having sex with men forever? Or would you hope she would understand the "sex only, not romantic" and agree to open relationship allowing that? If the second option, are you ready to give her the same liberty?

The issue is that bi can mean both and no monogamy preferring woman want to risk getting to the latter situation.

Think about what are you really offering, and look for a partner compatible with that.

Comedycook · 07/12/2025 14:43

Honestly I think it's a silly question. Some women will be totally fine with it and others won't be...but who cares either way.

There are all sorts of traits, aspects of our personality, looks etc that are attractive to some and unattractive to others. I have brown hair and am slightly overweight...some men find me attractive and would want to date me, others wouldn't. No one has universal appeal.

Lillibridge · 07/12/2025 14:45

Username3021 · 07/12/2025 13:16

@Lillibridge why do you think your a "little bisexual"? But then they say everyone is bi to a certain degree

Yes, I think most people have bisexual thoughts and fantasies in varioys stages of their life. I experimented a bit at Uni and a little bit after and always felt sexually attracted to some men over the years; although not emotionslly attracted. However, I've always been in longterm relationships with women and felt no real desire to galavant off with other women, nevermind with other men.

Nowadays, I'm in a relationship with a woman which is very complex, to say the least Suffice to say, it's not as loving or as supportive as I would like, despite my best efforts. She's very 'red blooded' and likes men to be the same and knowing her as well as I do, I know she wouldn't tolerate any bisexuality.

BarbarasRhabarberba · 07/12/2025 14:46

TeenageSu1cideDontDoit · 07/12/2025 14:39

Then you’ll get call out for your rapey attitude. You don’t get to tell people what they’re allowed to like and dislike. Anyone who coerces someone into a sexual relationship is a rapist.

Show quote history

Oh he we go with the straw man again. Comes out like clockwork. I have never said people should date or have sex with anyone they don’t want to. I said some preferences are born from prejudice and it’s worth examining that. If you can’t tell the difference between those two statements then I’m sorry about your lack of critical thinking skills.

Crushed23 · 07/12/2025 14:47

TeenageSu1cideDontDoit · 07/12/2025 14:39

Then you’ll get call out for your rapey attitude. You don’t get to tell people what they’re allowed to like and dislike. Anyone who coerces someone into a sexual relationship is a rapist.

Show quote history

Indeed. Guilting someone into a sexual relationship because “prejudice” is coercive sexual abuse.

Comedycook · 07/12/2025 14:48

I haven't read the full thread but sexual attraction doesn't always make sense or be fair in the sense that everyone gets an equal opportunity. It's not a job interview. It's incredibly entitled to think otherwise

ACatNamedRobin · 07/12/2025 14:48

mumofoneAloneandwell · 07/12/2025 13:34

'I would like a family one day also'

That has told me everything I need to know. Sounds like you're gay but want a woman to have your kids, while you go around satisfying your natural urges.

Women aren't human incubators.

Why can't you have a family with a man, and simply pay a woman to carry your children? Morally questionable but at least its honest.

The number of threads we see where the op's husband has suddenly realised hes actually gay, the minute she has given him the kids he wanted.

Exactly this.

ZoggyStirdust · 07/12/2025 14:49

Mumsnet is somewhere that allows bi phobia and it’s rife on this thread

noone is policing a preference, it’s the reasons for that preference that speak volumes about the person expressing them…

APatternGrammar · 07/12/2025 14:50

RegretfulVaper · 07/12/2025 13:56

It’s not an issue for me. My ex was bi and it was a complete non-event in our relationship. If someone is inclined to cheat, their sexual orientation makes no difference. I’ve never understood the idea that being bi somehow increases the risk of infidelity.

If anything, I find the self-acceptance and confidence that openly bi men tend to have really attractive, and, in a way, more masculine.

Completely agree, I could never put my finger on what I like about bi men but that’s it.
The OP will be getting answers from all age groups here, but he’s probably only interested in dating in one age range, so answers from that group might be more relevant.