Is a man being bisexual a turn off?

[Username3021]

As a man I think im bisexual but when it comes to dating and being in relationships I only see myself with women, I also want a family someday also. Apparently lots of women are turned off by bisexual men where as a lot of men dont mind bisexual women, I also dont like the idea of hiding it from my future partner because I think your partner should know everything.

Would my sexuality be a problem?

They're not false equivalences. I have a gay male friend who feels exactly as I described in my previous post.

Then there's my youngest dd who is bi, but prefers to date women. Is she phobic towards straight guys?

The reasons being discussed are things like:
a) he must be secretly gay
b) he wants to use a woman to have children, as he must be secretly gay
c) he's more likely to have STIs
d) he's been intimate with men and that's disgusting
e) he's more likely to be unfaithful

Those are not the nebulous feelings of attraction/lack of attraction to a specific person. They are about writing off an entire group of men based on prejudice and bigotry. It's extremely clear and I don't know why people are pretending it's about being forced to date people you're not attracted to, when that's a completely different thing.

It wouldn't be a problem for me , but I do think you should be upfront about it, as I think a potential partner might not feel like they know you properly if that's something you haven't disclosed, which might cause trust issues further down the line.

I don’t quite understand the reasonings of “they’re more likely to cheat/will be infecting me with STD’s and so on.

A committed relationship is a committed relationship, surely? I notice no-one ever seems to point to any evidence that bisexuals are more likely to cheat, and if it existed it would have been on one of these threads by now.

That being said, I wouldn’t personally want to date a bisexual man. But for me the reason is simple.

I’m a heterosexual woman. And I am attracted to heterosexual men.

It’s the same as gay men being attracted to men/women to women and bisexuals to everyone.

But for some reason we seem to have entered into a society where only heterosexuals aren’t allowed a preference.

Why is it ?? Please explain.

I’m not anti gay men or women, but it would be a complete no no for me.

To be blunt, the thought of being intimate with someone who’s put it in another man, would make me want to vomit.

My worry would be that he was always missing something - he enjoys sex with me but I wouldn’t be able to satisfy that part

Id always wonder if I was enough for him

But many people find the idea of same sex-sex a turn off! But apparently that makes you homophobic, even tho you've absolutely no problem with gay people or who they sleep with. You just don't want to sleep with someone who has slept with a person of the same sex. I also wouldn't shag a man who is into anal with women, massive turn off. People are allowed to have turn offs FFS.

Ok, so discount reason d) from the above list. The others still stand as prejudice and bigotry, not preference.

Heterosexuals tolerate a whole lot of stuff from gay people that they would absolutely not tolerate if the situation were reversed.

Gay men get to say all the time that they find women’s bodies repulsive and that they can’t imagine being in a relationship with them and that vaginas make them feel disgust -all that kind of thing. I’ve worked all my life in a very gay-adjacent industry and the sheer amount of misogyny I’ve heard over the years would blow your mind.

I’m fine because if that’s what they feel -then that’s what they feel- but as soon as we switch that and say actually the thought of men together makes me feel uncomfortable or turned off, that suddenly that’s just plain old homophobia.

We are allowed to have preferences.

My experience of bisexuality in people is that they almost always end up in same sex relationships. And the bisexuality at that point takes a back seat and becomes something more aligned with a kink in that they then don’t act on it, it turns into more of a fantasy

You find the sight of men kissing disgusting? And you don’t see how that’s homophobic?

I’m way more disgusted thinking about the person typing things like this.

The aversion comes first (which would be close to point ‘d’ on your list), IMO. Then, because of fear of accusations of homophobia and suchlike, the various ‘reasons’ come into play. I actually disagree with some of the reasons given on this thread (e.g. more likely to cheat). I am simply not sexually attracted to a man who has sex with men. It’s a sexual preference. There’s nothing more to it.

For it to be ‘biphobia’ we would have to accept that gay men who won’t have sex with a woman are heterophobic. Both ideas are a complete nonsense.

The fact that some gay men are misogynist doesn’t make biphobia ok.

I have lots of gay friends and we are just honest with each other.

My gay male friends are repulsed by men and women kissing or two women kissing and in fact pretty much repulsed by women's bodies altogether so I'm very used to telling them how disgusting I feel when men kiss even though they're really good friends of mine and nobody takes offence.

We all just take the piss out of each other's sexual preferences and no harm done. I think it's an instinctive biological reaction isn't it.

I think the clearest form of biphobia I see here is people refusing to accept that people (or just men?) CAN be bisexual, and that they must actually be gay, and then angrily doubling down and saying they're not bigoted. Just surprised to see views like that put across so openly.

"For it to be ‘biphobia’ we would have to accept that gay men who won’t have sex with a woman are heterophobic. Both ideas are a complete nonsense."

Those aren't directly equivalent - it would be more like a gay man refusing to date a man because he'd slept with women. I can't comment on whether/how often that situation occurs, but I don't think I've ever heard of it.

For me personally it would be a deal breaker. I’ll be your friend but not your partner.

I wouldn’t be turned off by it at all.

I also wonder why you think a man being bi increases the risk of STIs.

Men who have sex with men are at a greater risk than their heterosexual male counterparts. There is quite a lot of empirical evidence behind why it was, for example, that gay men had the highest rates of HIV/Aids. Most men who have sex with men are carriers of the human papillomavirus (HPV), but show no symptoms and suffer no complications. It’s mostly due to male physiology and semen. With some behavioural issues.

For one, anal sex tends (not always) to result in more tiny tears in the rectum. The mucosa is less protected when there are tears and viruses can be transmitted more easily. Two, HIV binds to the receptors on the membranes of T cells and semen has high levels of T cells. Higher than blood. When you add in cottaging, it’s one more risk element.

Decades ago, a lot of gay men engaged in anonymous and unprotected sex that led to the AIDS crisis. A tremendous amount of work on information about safe sex led to dramatically fewer cases, but a certain degree of complacency is creeping back in with the success of ART. Sadly, there are increasing cases of all STIs amongst both gay and bisexual men. And yes, women also transmit STIs but the lowest tend to be women who exclusively have sex with women (as long as their partners are also exclusively having sex with women).

Said exactly what I want to say. 👏

I guess that would depend on whether the gay man is ok with being in a relationship with a bi man?

If a gay man feared that a potential bisexual partner might succumb to societal / cultural pressure and get married and procreate with a woman, so he rejects the bisexual man, is he biphobic? Where do you draw the line when deciding which reasons are acceptable and which are “-phobic”?

And it isn’t posters justifying their preferences who are getting “angry” on this thread, it’s people who seem to be genuinely pissed off that they can’t police the sexual preferences and behaviours of others.

I can't imagine getting so aggressive about other people's sexual preferences, it's frankly creepy to think you can or should control it, or that you're entitled to an police what other people find attractive. As long as all involved are consenting adults, why should you care if I'd only be attracted to heterosexual men? Or tall men? Or intelligent men? You're pulling the prejudice card for reasons I can only imagine.

Also, just saw a PP (I think we all know the one) belittling someone for their critical thinking and verbal reasoning skills. Whereas they seem incapable of making a distinction between those who have said 'I think a bi man would be more likely to cheat' (still valid and can absolutely understand that concern), and those who say 'I wouldn't want to get in to a long term relationship with a bi guy, as I'd be concerned there's a whole other side to his sexuality that I am by nature unable to fulfill'. I personally can't be truly attracted/interested unless I feel a man is all for me, that he's really in to me and I'd be able to truly fulfill him. If you think you have the right to dictate what others find attractive, it's yourself who's in need of some introspection.

I think you have to go by the individual.

I personally wouldn't have a relationship with a bi man but I'm sure many women would.

You do need to be upfront about it, I think, if entering into a committed, long term relationship.

My ex husband is bisexual. He's not an ex due to that, he's an ex because he never told me and I found out when I saw his dating apps.

I think as long as you are upfront about it then the woman has made an informed choice as to whether to continue in the relationship. Everybody is different and what doesn't work for one will for another.

My late OH was bi, and several of the guys I have crushes are too. It's not something I specifically go looking for but it's a definite trend that I'm attracted to guys who happen to be bi.

I don't really understand the women who say it would put them off but I guess it just means more bi guys for me!