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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Christmas work do strop

297 replies

Bradley28 · 07/12/2025 12:24

It was my partners Christmas work do last night. When he got back, he was really drunk. For reasons I don’t understand, he stripped off all his clothes and began behaving in a lewd and inappropriate way. I was stone cold sober and asked him to put some clothes back on because he was making me feel uncomfortable. he threw a massive strop and said I must hate him and find him disgusting, that I’m uptight for not taking advantage of the situation (!). These strops are common for him and can last 24 hours or more. I’d had a hard week of helping him sort a new job and had been looking forward to seeing him when he got in. I didn’t have the patience to deal with his drama, and tapped his face to try to shake him out of it. He then slapped me, threatened to hit me with a bottle of wine and then locked me outside the house (it was cold, I had no shoes, no phone and my kids were asleep in the house). After I was allowed back in, he walked off (well staggered) down the road- which is a dark, country road. Last I’ve seen of him. I received a string of abusive texts at 4am about how awful I am, and since then he has blocked me on all platforms (the blocking is standard strop behaviour for him). Have no idea where he is today. This all feels really full on.
Dunno what I’m looking for here, just needed to put this into words I think.

OP posts:
Anyahyacinth · 07/12/2025 17:42

TwistedWonder · 07/12/2025 17:35

She’ll be starting another thread in 3 months when this wanker kicks off again

Shes already made several threads about his behaviour but takes absolutely no notice and carries on regardless.

Show quote history

Yes...that's perfectly normal when you love and believe in someone...it makes us human

Attacking someone when they are down however is unpleasant

PumpkinTwistyWindToots · 07/12/2025 17:45

Wowcha · 07/12/2025 16:28

So you physically assaulted him and then he assaulted you back and then locked you out of the house - all whilst your kids were home!

FFS OP sort your life out this is disgusting!

And it’s a criminal offence to have domestic abuse around children, whether they witness violence or not.

You need to make a choice - your boyfriend or your kids.

You’ll either have your kids taken off you or you’ll fuck them up so bad that they will pay for it as adults and probably resent you both forever.

Is their dad involved?
Can he have full custody?

What the fuck? It's not a criminal offence to be a victim of domestic abuse in any context. What a fucking heinous thing to say.

CookingFatCat · 07/12/2025 17:46

@TwistedWonder It’s well known that often people can struggle to leave abusive relationships because they are unconsciously addicted due to trauma bonding.
OP you should find yourself some therapy and please think about your children.

PumpkinTwistyWindToots · 07/12/2025 17:48

RightSheSaid · 07/12/2025 17:18

I didn’t have the patience to deal with his drama, and tapped his face to try to shake him out of it.

You put your hands on him first. He shouldn't have slapped you, threatened to hit you with a bottle or put you out of your house. You shouldn't have put your hands on him. You never try to reason with a drunk. The relationship is toxic. You need to end it. It will escalate.

He was sexually intimidating her. What would you suggest she should have done? Personally when a man did exactly this in my house after drinking heavily I froze and let him sexually violate me against my will. I wish I'd tapped him, or slapped him, or even more violence to be honest.

PumpkinTwistyWindToots · 07/12/2025 17:50

TwistedWonder · 07/12/2025 17:35

She’ll be starting another thread in 3 months when this wanker kicks off again

Shes already made several threads about his behaviour but takes absolutely no notice and carries on regardless.

Show quote history

Yes, it's called the cycle of abuse, it's a well known psychological phenomenon, and berating and dismissing women who are struggling with it is likely to put them off posting and accessing what could be their main source of support. Nice one. 👏🏼

Ponderingwindow · 07/12/2025 17:51

There is a very good chance at least one of your children woke up from that incident and got to hear what was going on.

if you let him keep living there, it’s not just you who gets to suffer from his drunken strops.

WallaceinAnderland · 07/12/2025 17:52

I think you will let him back in the house. This shows him that you accept his behaviour. It will get worse. There will be more violence. The children will be affected.

It's just the way these things go.

Sohelpmegod25 · 07/12/2025 17:52

Sunshineandgrapefruit · 07/12/2025 12:38

You have had a lucky escape. Report to police and don't let him back in.

Exactly this and you and your kids deserve better - report to the police and get rid of this revolting specimen!

Pedallleur · 07/12/2025 18:02

The drink just showed the dark side he has. Get rid now. He won't improve

MyDeftDuck · 07/12/2025 18:08

Errrrrrr……….did he get dressed before he went off in a stroppy sulk?

OkWinifred · 07/12/2025 18:11

In the kindest way, give your head a wobble and get rid of this poor excuse of a man.

You’ve got children fgs!
This will teach them this behaviour is normal. It’s far from it, and don’t think they don’t know. They’ll know a lot more than you think they know. Get some self respect and get it fast 💐

RememberBeKindWithKaren · 07/12/2025 18:13

I think deep down you know what you have to do. Best wishes Op.

Daleksatemyshed · 07/12/2025 18:15

You own the house, you don't share any children so you don't ever have to see him again. Change the locks and tell him it's over.
This relationship gives you nothing except hurt and abusive, call it a day and dump him

LivingWithANob · 07/12/2025 18:16

He sounds dreadful. Why do you keep allowing this? This is your get out card right here. Do not allow him back. Doesnt matter its christmas. If not now, when? Just do it, theres never a right time

its your house, not his
your not married
the kids are yours not his

he has no rights of access back in. I hope you change the locks and prioritise you and the children from now on over men.

TamarindCottage · 07/12/2025 18:42

Bradley28 · 07/12/2025 12:50

I find it really hard when he blames me for his behaviour as well. Now I’ve written it all down, I really don’t know why I’ve put up with it. I guess perhaps because he can be really lovely.

What a knob! Dump: block him on your phone/email/social media so when he gets over himself he will find out he’s history.

junglejunglebear · 07/12/2025 18:43

Bradley28 · 07/12/2025 12:50

I find it really hard when he blames me for his behaviour as well. Now I’ve written it all down, I really don’t know why I’ve put up with it. I guess perhaps because he can be really lovely.

Being 'lovely' is what abusive men do to make sure they keep their foot in the door and can continue doing what they really want to do, which is abuse the woman they're with. Wouldn't want to find themselves without someone they can comfortably bully, because then they'd have to make the effort of grooming a new victim, and that's too much like hard work.

The lovely isn't real, it's an act to keep you on the hook. There's a whole relationship cycle built around it. Does he do a massive apology afterwards which you feel pressured to accept, and then sulk if you aren't sufficiently grateful for it?

Fairyladyonwheels · 07/12/2025 18:48

Get rid. It is not fair on your children either to less this arse hole be acting like this. It is highly damaging.

Wowcha · 07/12/2025 18:54

PumpkinTwistyWindToots · 07/12/2025 17:45

What the fuck? It's not a criminal offence to be a victim of domestic abuse in any context. What a fucking heinous thing to say.

Show quote history

Where did I say that?

I said it’s a criminal offence to have domestic abuse around children, even if they are not witnessing any physical violence.
It is classed as child abuse.

Read the countless posts of posters who grew up in abusive households and they will tell you exactly how abusive it is.

My brother was given full custody of his DD through SS because her mum was in an abusive relationship.

Do not underestimate the impact this behaviour will have on the kids.

If OP cares at all for her kids, she will leave this man asap.

Zebedee999 · 07/12/2025 19:01

Upthenorth · 07/12/2025 12:36

Leave him OP, he’s an abusive arsehole.

This is not normal behaviour by any stretch, it just sounds like you have got used to it.

He slapped you, that’s assault and a police matter to me but I appreciate it’s up to you how you deal with it.

He wanted sex by the sounds of it and became physically aggressive when you declined? It sounds like it’s already escalating.

I would be planning how to leave him.

It seems she hit him first.

twomorecats · 07/12/2025 19:08

Zebedee999 · 07/12/2025 19:01

It seems she hit him first.

Show quote history

Read up on DARVO. Maybe touching him was unwise but it sounded like it felt like she needed to do something.

IridiumSky · 07/12/2025 19:26

In vino, veritas.

That is all.

Upthenorth · 07/12/2025 19:33

Zebedee999 · 07/12/2025 19:01

It seems she hit him first.

Show quote history

A fully grown man stripped naked and tried to pressure the OP into things she didn’t want to do.

Getting naked intentionally when someone asks you not to is quite a sexually aggressive act in my books. Well in my experience of men who do things like that.

There’s no judgment from me if the OP used mild force to try and stop the situation. Fight or flight perhaps?

NET145 · 07/12/2025 19:34

change the locks, call the police and get a family member or good friend to stay with you to help protect you from him for a while. He is abhorrent and dangerous

Goditsmemargaret · 07/12/2025 19:36

Am I correct that it's your house, your kids are not his and you're not married?

If so, change the locks and take out a barring order immediately.

Do not engage directly with him at all anymore. Please don't put you and your children further at risk.

JJWT · 07/12/2025 19:39

Sorry to read that you've had such a awful experience. You can't have a step dad behaving like that under the same roof as your kids. Prancing around pissed and naked?! F that. I kinda hope he was still naked when he walked off. What an annoying idiot. I hope getting it all off your chest on here has enabled you to re-evaluate the relationship. I don't know if you want opinions or not but fwiw I think it's time to dump him. You deserve better. It doesn't sound like you need him for anything. I bet the deluded twat thinks you're lucky to have him!!