Christmas work do strop

[Bradley28]

It was my partners Christmas work do last night. When he got back, he was really drunk. For reasons I don’t understand, he stripped off all his clothes and began behaving in a lewd and inappropriate way. I was stone cold sober and asked him to put some clothes back on because he was making me feel uncomfortable. he threw a massive strop and said I must hate him and find him disgusting, that I’m uptight for not taking advantage of the situation (!). These strops are common for him and can last 24 hours or more. I’d had a hard week of helping him sort a new job and had been looking forward to seeing him when he got in. I didn’t have the patience to deal with his drama, and tapped his face to try to shake him out of it. He then slapped me, threatened to hit me with a bottle of wine and then locked me outside the house (it was cold, I had no shoes, no phone and my kids were asleep in the house). After I was allowed back in, he walked off (well staggered) down the road- which is a dark, country road. Last I’ve seen of him. I received a string of abusive texts at 4am about how awful I am, and since then he has blocked me on all platforms (the blocking is standard strop behaviour for him). Have no idea where he is today. This all feels really full on.
Dunno what I’m looking for here, just needed to put this into words I think.

Well you are in a stronger position than many who post.

I agree with PP. Bin liner his stuff and leave it outside. Change the locks. Your life is about to improve massively.

Change the locks. Throw all his shit out the window. Call the police for his threatening and violent behaviour. Choose your kids and focus all your energy on them.

Strop???? He hit you full in the face.

A strop is my 9 year old moaning because there’s no chicken nuggets for tea.

Love your barrier for abuse is disturbingly low. Please know and recognise that and change the fucking locks.

Change the locks and have a nice Christmas with your kids. Never look back.

Problem solved.

In the new year do a freedom programme.

When you have got to the point of physical violence with each other, it's over.

Get his stuff together, put it outside and change the locks. Send him a message saying where his stuff is and if he contacts you again you will be reporting his assault to the Police.

For future reference; don't " tap" a drunk person. It doesn't tend to sober them up and inflamed the situation. You're not compatible, time to end things and focus on your dc.

While I'm sorry this happened to you, my sympathies are limited if you don't act immediately.

You have your own house - so you have a place to stay.
You don't have shared children - so you don't ever have to have any further contact with him.

He's abusive, manipulative and dangerous. He needs to go.

And if that is part of the pattern then him being”lovely” is as much a part of the abuse as the other things you have written about.

Being lovely puts you on the back foot, makes you doubt yourself, makes you believe that he is right when he blames you for his behaviour.

Being lovely provides a screen for his abuse, deceives other people about him, makes it harder for you to talk to other people about him.

Being lovely is another opportunity for him to make you shut up and not talk about the relationship because you don’t want to rock the boat and stop the being lovely moments.

I didn’t have the patience to deal with his drama, and tapped his face to try to shake him out of it.

Kicking off a physical fight with a drunken, aggressive man was a really stupid idea. It's bad enough he slapped you back and locked you out, he could have put you in hospital or worse - and his justification would have been "she started it". And given the police service's lack of shits about the safety of women, they would most likely write it off as a drunken domestic.

Dump this cunt, apologise to your children for inflicting him on them for the last X months/years, and move into 2026 with emotional freedom.

He needs to stop drinking. Drinking doesn’t agree with him.

Next time he is out change the locks

he has hit you. Theres no nice behaviour that can counter his DV.

That’s is a stroke of luck.

He is absolutely insane and you need to protect yourself and your children.

Of course he is nice some of the time, everyone is nice some of the time.

He locked you out of your own house with your children inside?? You really need to never let him near you or your children ever again. Cop on to yourself.

This is your perfect way to get rid of him. Can you change the locks today and send a message if possible to tell him he is dumped.

You can easily boot him out, then? Good.

A lot of women aren’t in your position. Get the nasty fucker gone. This won’t ever get any better. He’ll just keep pushing your boundaries till you can’t remember ever having any, while giving you the occasional snapshot of the ‘nice’ him to keep you reeled in and confused and pathetically hopeful.

Meanwhile your kids will have to pretend to be fine. They won’t be.

Be happy, @Bradley28. Take the plunge and end it.

Make the "block" permanent. Sure, he can probably act as if he were "lovely", but so what? He's shown you over and over that he's an abusive prick and will continue to be so. The hitting and locking you out - either, alone - is dealbreaker material, no question.

I agree with this. You are in quite a fortunate position where you can rid your life of an abusive man and never have to see him again.

Nobody would lock me out of my house with my children inside and get a second chance.

He sounds horrible but does it mean you "tapped his face"?

He being lovely sometimes is actually the nice part of the nice and nasty cycle of abuse which is a continuous one.

It’s your home so that’s good. I hope he isn’t named on a mortgage.

HE is solely responsible for his behaviour, not you. You did not drive him
to abuse you. It’s not your fault but abusers will always blame others rather than their own selves. Women are also not rehab centres for badly raised men.

Enrol yourself on to the freedom programme and do not ever inflict such a man on your children again. Your boundaries will have been damaged by such a person so you need to heal and rebuild.

It’s your property and you don’t share children. Honestly, the best thing you can do today is pack his things, put them outside, change the lock and enjoy a lovely peaceful Christmas time with your children.

Wow. My initial thought was, why don’t you want to engage in fun sexy time with your husband?

your following comments answered the question!

you say you tapped him. What does that mean? Sounds like a downplay of something that triggered a sequence of events.

if you did just make a small physical move that resulted in a full on slap, then he’s out of order. All those nasty threats simply because you don’t want to have sex with him are despicable

He put your kids in jeopardy by rendering them unsupervised at a time when.he wss drunk. He could have set the house on fire, the state he was in.

Call the police, report that he assaulted you, then pack him a suitcase and leave it on the front doorstep.

Change the locks, bag up and chuck all his stuff out of your house and have nothing more to do with him. If not for your sake for the safety of your children.

This.

Don’t let him back in, not to your house, not to your life. Take this opportunity for things to be over and grab it with both hands. He is not “lovely”, far from it.

I have a bad feeling that you’ll forgive him and let him back and in a few months (or less) be back on MN with the latest saga of his appalling behaviour. Please prove me wrong. You will regret it if you don’t take this opportunity to end things now.

Spare your children this ongoing shitshow and get the locks changed before he comes back. They don't deserve to live in the middle of this violence.

Bag up his things and get rid of them.