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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Christmas work do strop

297 replies

Bradley28 · 07/12/2025 12:24

It was my partners Christmas work do last night. When he got back, he was really drunk. For reasons I don’t understand, he stripped off all his clothes and began behaving in a lewd and inappropriate way. I was stone cold sober and asked him to put some clothes back on because he was making me feel uncomfortable. he threw a massive strop and said I must hate him and find him disgusting, that I’m uptight for not taking advantage of the situation (!). These strops are common for him and can last 24 hours or more. I’d had a hard week of helping him sort a new job and had been looking forward to seeing him when he got in. I didn’t have the patience to deal with his drama, and tapped his face to try to shake him out of it. He then slapped me, threatened to hit me with a bottle of wine and then locked me outside the house (it was cold, I had no shoes, no phone and my kids were asleep in the house). After I was allowed back in, he walked off (well staggered) down the road- which is a dark, country road. Last I’ve seen of him. I received a string of abusive texts at 4am about how awful I am, and since then he has blocked me on all platforms (the blocking is standard strop behaviour for him). Have no idea where he is today. This all feels really full on.
Dunno what I’m looking for here, just needed to put this into words I think.

OP posts:
C152 · 07/12/2025 15:41

How handy that the trash has taken itself out. Presumably, you're not married and your house is in only your name. If this is the case, you can legally change the locks without his permission. Never let him back in your life and seriously consider reporting the assault to the police.

GildedPaulieWalnuts · 07/12/2025 15:46

liamharha · 07/12/2025 15:29

After she 'tapped' him .
No excuse but I do think op might be minimising her own input here .

Show quote history

Give over.

user2848502016 · 07/12/2025 15:46

Bradley28 · 07/12/2025 12:57

@CagneyNYPD1 No, they are my children and he has children he sees half the week

Come on OP he hit you and locked you out of your home with your kids sleeping upstairs, meaning they were alone with him in a drunken state!
Anything could have happened, what if he’d decided to cook something and caused a fire?!
This has to be the last straw, dump him.

SingingOcean · 07/12/2025 15:46

I can never understand how someone can have been on MN for more than 2 weeks and not already have realised that this kind of relationship is abusive and needs ending.

GildedPaulieWalnuts · 07/12/2025 15:48

Donttellempike · 07/12/2025 15:38

In a galaxy far away this bollocks is not complete and utter victim blaming tripe.

Meanwhile, in. this one. It is offensive misogynistic drek

Show quote history

Absolutely.

A man stripping off naked, being pushy drunk and being sexually harassing, is not a bloody neutral act. It’s bloody scary.

MrsKeats · 07/12/2025 15:50

What are you exposing your children to? Dreadful.

StewkeyBlue · 07/12/2025 15:54

I find it really hard when he blames me for his behaviour as well.

Straight out of the Abuser's Tool Kit.

Thank goodness your children did not (please tell me they didn't) witness his naked sexually aggressive behaviour. But he then went on to lock you out of your own house - locking you out of the house where your children were???

OP, this is really dangerous behaviour.

He needs to go.

Before you lose so much self esteem that you lose all ability to rescue yourself - that's how abuse works.

Before you have the police at your door (because responsible neighbours would call them) , before he does you physical damage, and before his behaviour is reported by your children at school and they become the subject of a safeguarding investigation.

Look after yourself, look after your children.

MrsWhites · 07/12/2025 15:57

Change the locks, block his number and when you feel yourself start to waver remind yourself that he put your children in danger, he could barely walk and in a violent mood he locked you out of the house and left your children unsupervised. Anything could have happened, you are in the lucky to position to own your own home - don’t subject yourself or your children to his shit!

SinisterBumFacedCat · 07/12/2025 15:57

OP, you are the proud owner of my very first LTB

Upthenorth · 07/12/2025 15:58

liamharha · 07/12/2025 15:29

After she 'tapped' him .
No excuse but I do think op might be minimising her own input here .

Show quote history

There was a drunk naked man being sexually aggressive towards her, what would you have preferred her to do?

Don’t listen to this OP. It’s abuse.

Siarli · 07/12/2025 16:00

Strop behaviour??? This is not stroppy behaviour its domestic violence. Taking just this one incident. He was very drunk coming home, you were annoyed and sober. You 'tapped' his face because you refused to sexually engage with him in the circumstances. No you didn't... you smacked him one! This escalated the situation and he went for you and went to hit you with a bottle of wine and threw you out outdoors into cold. Eventually you get back in and he leaves. Then you start trying to contact him and he doesnt respond. And so these situations repeat. And uou have young children! His or as I suspect not. You need to resolve this, this is a violent unsustainable relationship. People don't behave this way toward each other in a loving and stable relationship. You need to put your children first and end this toxic set up, its not strop behaviour is nasty abusive unstable and toxic, someone is going to get hurt. Im wondering also about the drinking and whether there isxz cilture of it in your home. You need to evaluate the kind of blokes you bring into your home with your kids. Throw him out and end this.

Siarli · 07/12/2025 16:00

Strop behaviour??? This is not stroppy behaviour its domestic violence. Taking just this one incident. He was very drunk coming home, you were annoyed and sober. You 'tapped' his face because you refused to sexually engage with him in the circumstances. No you didn't... you smacked him one! This escalated the situation and he went for you and went to hit you with a bottle of wine and threw you out outdoors into cold. Eventually you get back in and he leaves. Then you start trying to contact him and he doesnt respond. And so these situations repeat. And uou have young children! His or as I suspect not. You need to resolve this, this is a violent unsustainable relationship. People don't behave this way toward each other in a loving and stable relationship. You need to put your children first and end this toxic set up, its not strop behaviour is nasty abusive unstable and toxic, someone is going to get hurt. Im wondering also about the drinking and whether there isxz cilture of it in your home. You need to evaluate the kind of blokes you bring into your home with your kids. Throw him out and end this.

Wishihadanalgorithm · 07/12/2025 16:02

Your Christmas present to yourself - get him gone.

JLou08 · 07/12/2025 16:03

WearyAuldWumman · 07/12/2025 15:12

How would you deal with a drunken naked man making sexual advances? Laugh it off? Acquiesce?

Show quote history

Yes, I would laugh it off if it was my husband. By the time she 'tapped' him he was in sulk mode saying she thinks he's disgusting. You're acting like she was fighting off an attempted rape, nothing in the post suggests that. He tried it on, got told no, started feeling sorry for himslef, she hit him, he became very violent. I stand by them both being awful.

Siarli · 07/12/2025 16:04

Oh indeed it is abuse but as I said the OP had some input. This wasn't a wake up tap was it? No tapping it was a slapping!!

MatronPomfrey · 07/12/2025 16:08

How would you feel if your children had woken and witnessed this behaviour? Time for him to leave.

justwaitingformyturn · 07/12/2025 16:09

Hang on, he locked you out of YOUR house?

End it. Cheeky prick

Siarli · 07/12/2025 16:10

This was escalated violence and I dont believe it started off in a humorous way with a look at you youre drunk as a skunk! ( peels of laughter) Nope , ugh, yuk, put your clothes on here's a blanket for the couch.( Chinpinch little tap on the cheek). No this boiled up immediately I expect, and escalated it to a violent altercation! And there were young children in this house!!!

popcornandpotatoes · 07/12/2025 16:10

Little bit more than a strop really! Why would you have this man around your children if they're not even his? Getting sick of these threads, need to stop reading them for my own mental wellbeing

Donttellempike · 07/12/2025 16:11

I think it’s really helpful when a woman posts on here. Having been subjected to a deeply unpleasant incident of aggression in her own home. With her children present.

To be told that she is equally to blame.

All the doubts she has about what happened are thereby amplified, and the victim’s tendency to downplay what happened are equally amplified.

Whatever your motives. You people are an absolute disgrace.

Happyjoe · 07/12/2025 16:11

He is a first class wanker. Sorry OP, I try not to say things like that but not much else to say that fits the bill. You deserve so much better, so do the children.

TwistedWonder · 07/12/2025 16:16

You say you’ve been helping him look for a job OP so does this prince work and contribute financially to the household?

StewkeyBlue · 07/12/2025 16:17

liamharha · 07/12/2025 15:29

After she 'tapped' him .
No excuse but I do think op might be minimising her own input here .

Show quote history

And so what?

Would that lead you to believe that this is a healthy relationship in which to bring up children?

Would it affect your advice to the OP? "Oh OP, if only you treated him more kindly when he shows up drink and abusive and becomes sexually aggressive all would be well! Christmas is coming and it would be a shame if you were still arguing! Apologise and he will calm down. Remember: Be Kind!" . For example?

If on the other hand you are concerned about the OP's safety (as you should be) and think she should leave him asap before the violence escalates then say that.

Instead of victim the blaming bollocks that you and @PlayingDevilsAdvocateisinteresting are indulging in. Though at least yours isn't as pontificatingly pompous.

Look - I am being rude I know, but it is dangerous to imply to a clearly abused woman (read the whole of her posts and updates) that she is in any way responsible for his behaviour - because that is what HE does, as part of his perpetuating of the abuse. And runs the danger of emphasising that it is her that is at fault in the OP's mind.

GAJLY · 07/12/2025 16:18

No that is terrible. He is being abusive. You need to kick him out. Luckily you own your own home and don't share any kids together. You don't need him, what a horrible man slapping you across the face like that!

Dawncleo62 · 07/12/2025 16:19

RED FLAG!! This can & probably will Escalate!! Pack his stuff & put it on the doorstep & CHANGE All the locks!!