Christmas work do strop

[Bradley28]

It was my partners Christmas work do last night. When he got back, he was really drunk. For reasons I don’t understand, he stripped off all his clothes and began behaving in a lewd and inappropriate way. I was stone cold sober and asked him to put some clothes back on because he was making me feel uncomfortable. he threw a massive strop and said I must hate him and find him disgusting, that I’m uptight for not taking advantage of the situation (!). These strops are common for him and can last 24 hours or more. I’d had a hard week of helping him sort a new job and had been looking forward to seeing him when he got in. I didn’t have the patience to deal with his drama, and tapped his face to try to shake him out of it. He then slapped me, threatened to hit me with a bottle of wine and then locked me outside the house (it was cold, I had no shoes, no phone and my kids were asleep in the house). After I was allowed back in, he walked off (well staggered) down the road- which is a dark, country road. Last I’ve seen of him. I received a string of abusive texts at 4am about how awful I am, and since then he has blocked me on all platforms (the blocking is standard strop behaviour for him). Have no idea where he is today. This all feels really full on.
Dunno what I’m looking for here, just needed to put this into words I think.

You just experienced violence, not a "strop", nor a “drama". Get out now and save yourself a lifetime of misery. Not tomorrow, now. The short term discomfort you will endure will be nothing compared to the long-term consequences.

Women tend to think 'I can fix him.' You can't, and never will. Ever. Once thing I learned too late is that people never change. I've encountered too many people in their 40s, 50s and beyond that still carry the same destructive patterns they had in their teens, erroneously thinking that age and experience might have mellowed or matured them somewhat. Spoiler alert: it doesn't. Eradicate that misthinking from your brain.

Think of the long term. If he makes a poor career choice or financial decision who do you think might be made to suffer alongside him? If he acts stupidly towards someone else, do you think you may also bear the brunt of the consequences and reputational hit? You cannot live a productive and happy life with someone who pulls you into unpredictable situations.

Protect yourself and your family environment fiercely.

This has nothing to do with his Christmas work do and everything to do with him just being a cunt!

LTB!

Because your message was threatening OP that she was committing a criminal offence by 'allowing' domestic abuse around her child. That is not a criminal offence. It's absurd to imply or state that it is.

This is abuse. He needs to be thrown out. You love him, and it'll be hard, but for you and your children's sake, he's shown time and time again that he'd rather revel in his problems than do the work to keep his loved ones safe, and when a partner tells and shows you these dark things about themselves, believe them.

You should change your thread title to "Christmas Work do Assault".

Can’t stress this enough. If the home you live in is yours, you don’t have children together, and are not married, please bag up his belongings and leave them outside. Notify him he can collect. Change locks. Block his number. Notify relatives that this is your situation and stick to it. This is classic escalation and will not improve no matter how lovely he may be on his own terms. Please look after yourself and resist minimising his actions. They won’t improve and in 12 months time you will be posting that he has slapped you, shaken you, threatened you, humiliated you and you will be wondering how the fuck you have ended up in this situation. Dont model to your kids that any of this is ok. Locking you out of your own home is such a massive red flag. Best of luck, please take care of yourself and your kids.

Bad people aren't bad all the time. That doesn't mean they're not bad people though. In fact, bad people often use love bombing to cover up when they are bad. That could be gifts, additional favours, acts of affection, being extra thoughtful preceeding or proceeding an event that they know you do not stand for.

What he did is definitely abusive behaviour and you shouldn't stand for it.

But you saying you 'tapped him on the face to shake him out of it' sounds to me like we aren't getting the full story here. Was it a tap or a slap OP?
2 (or 5?!) wrongs don't make a right but that wording gives me a red flag about your relationship in general and how physical.

I think people are reaching by saying she was avoiding sexual assault. He stripped off and presumably started gyrating or windmilling or some other weird penis dance men think is enticing for his partner. And I can't see anywhere her saying that when she refused him he carried on/proceeded to advance.

I don't think your an innocent bystander in this behaviour OP and maybe you need to admit that to yourself and sort yourself out once this relationship is over too.
But first port of call is to get him out. Hitting each other especially when the kids are in the house is beyond ridiculous. How did he get you out to lock you out? Drag you? That can't have been a quiet argument. Please protect yourself and your kids.

As of the time I'm typing this (20:01, 07.12.25) this immature, childish, violent arsehole should be your ex, or well on the road to being your ex. His behaviour was absolutely , completely, and fundamentally unacceptable.

Out the door he goes. Your children are not his children. Do not expose them to this shit.

I wasn’t threatening her.

I was being honest that her kids will suffer - either they’ll be takes off of her or they’ll be fucked up for life (maybe both).

That’s not a threat, it’s the truth.

Im not sure why you’re minimising the situation.
It’s an absolutely vile situation that no child should ever have to deal with.

Jesus Christ, he locked you out of your own home whilst he was inside with your children? For the love of God, change the locks. Even better, phone the police.

Look, I'm a social work manager and deal with this situation on a daily basis. I'm not minimising the impact of domestic abuse on children. I'm taking great exception to you suggesting that it's a criminal offence to 'expose' children to abuse as the victim of abuse. And yes, that's what you did.

By threatening the victim of domestic abuse with prosecution or with losing her children, even fewer women will seek help. That’s really the last thing we (and the children involved) need.

It's good to write things down and to get feedback from others. Sometimes we are too close to a situation or have lived in it for too long, that we can no longer see the forest for the trees.

Even though not all posters may respond in good faith, I do think you'll get some useful responses here that will allow you to decide what you want to do, now that your eyes are fully open to his true nature.

I'd not be letting him back in. If he has a key then I'd get the locks changed.

He's a self-absorbed, abusive arse. Make sure you have blocked him on everything.

By all means post in here but I just want to point out that you're being reluctant to talk to people you know IRL about his behaviour. I think this suggests that you know that people who know and love you would find his behaviour abhorrent. Please do talk to a friend or two about it. People who have done nothing wrong don't mind their partners talking about their behaviour because they have nothing to hide. If you find that he's angry about you talking to somebody else about it, or that you're too embarassed to, that in itself is telling you something.

And he's not married to you? Put his stuff in binbags outside and change the locks. If you have the usual UPVC doors with Euro locks, you can change the lock barrels yourself.

Get him out of your house, out of your life, and never see him again.

Does he have any mental health conditions and how long have you been with him?

I had a really lovely partner, generally the nicest, sweetest most affection and responsible guy you could ever meet. However he was bi-polar and was bad at taking his meds because he convinced himself he didn't need it. He acted very contrary to his normal nature both sexually and financially but it affects everyone differently.

So the nurse came once a fortnight and gave him an injection. That was great unless he dodged her.

Failing that, change the locks and don't let him back, he put you and your children at risk when he locked you out.

This is called "breadcrumbing".

If he was horrible all the time, you'd chuck him out immediately. So he does enough to keep you hooked.

Yes, and on the Relationships board. Not AIBU.

These posters must have some sort of agenda.

Get rid of the abusive loser.
Any any of the reasons are enough let alone let alone cumulatively

began behaving in a lewd and inappropriate way.
he was making me feel uncomfortable.
he threw a massive strop
I’m uptight for not taking advantage of the situation
These strops are common for him and can last 24 hours or more.
He then slapped me,
threatened to hit me with a bottle of wine
locked me outside the house (
I was allowed back in,
I received a string of abusive texts at 4am about how awful I am
he has blocked me on all platforms I
Have no idea where he is today.

You say he can be really lovely- it doesn't matter if he can shit gold - he slapped you, threatened you and locked you out . The guy is an absolute prick

If you work in social care then you would know that children being in a home of domestic abuse then that is classed as child abuse.

It doesn’t matter if you are the victim or not because your kids are automatically the victims.

But in this situation OP is also abusive and acted violent towards him first and so it’s irrelevant.

The abuse is perpetrated by the abuser. Not by the victim. And no, the OP is not an abuser. She was being sexually harassed and coerced in her own home by an abusive man. She responded in the moment to try to keep herself safe. Amazing how you are apparently an expert on child safeguarding but you can't see abusive dynamics in front of you.