Does anyone else’s H do this when they’re ill?

[Taq]

I’ve had proper flu this week, absolutely floored me. As in can’t get up, can’t function, proper ill. I’ve had kids off school to look after and no real help.

H is annoyed with me. He’s barely speaking to me, crashing around the place looking for things that I’ve apparently lost, asking pointed questions about has such-and-such been done, when he knows I’ve barely been able to wash. He hasn’t acknowledged that I’m ill. When I mention it he pretends its funny playing a tiny violin, or ignores me, or says yes he’s got a cold too but feels better when he just gets on with it.

He makes me feel so needy and pathetic, when in reality I’m neither. I can’t stand him when he’s like this.

The 'push through' person has never had the flu!!!

One of my first "this man could be the one for life" moments with DP was when I got ill a few months into our relationship - just a bad cold but one of those awful shivery ones where you feel totally incapable of anything. He travelled across London to my houseshare, made me a huge vat of soup and a pie from scratch to last me the week. It was so wonderfully nurturing and one of the nicest things anyone had done for me.

He's still like this now. We look after each other when the other one is ill (albeit with less home cooking from my side). It's one of the best things about being in a relationship.

Your husband sounds like all those MNers who come on here to post contemptuously about "dressing gowns of doom" and so on when their husbands are ill.

Why you married to someone who hates you?

Well my crystal ball was out of order when he proposed, you see.

That's right love - you really don't get it.

Never mind

@Taq I'm sorry you married such a cunt, and have found that out after having 2 kids. He sounds absolutely horrible.

I'm also sorry there are so many cunts on Mumsnet - who think it's great to kick someone when they're already down.

I've had flu once only (age 61 here) and it came with a fever of more than 40 for 3 weeks. I didn't eat properly for 6 weeks. And lost my voice for a month. I lost a stone in weight. And guess what? No - I couldn't bloody well 'push through'!!

Some of the posters on here live in cloud cuckoo land - just ignore 'em - it's the only way.

He sounds absolutely vile and aggressive too

No. I don’t think this is normal behaviour and my DH doesn’t do this. He rallies round and does whatever is needed in terms of the house, the kids and looking after me.

My father was slightly like this. He would completely panic when my M was sick and she would have to get up basically. He wasn’t unsympathetic but the panic was unhelpful.

My husband is different - my FIL treats my MIL wonderfully so he might have had this as a super example.

This is the first time I’ve thought about it but maybe look to the marriage of your prospective PILs before deciding on marrying anyone?

I've had the flu once as a young woman in a shared house. I remember nothing for a few days. Flatmates brought me drinks and cared for me apparently I was burning up and off my head. I've never been so away with the fairies.

Thank goodness I've never had it again. I have the flu jab which I hope protects me because my husband wouldn't bring me any fluids or be any use at all. He's a push through it woman kind of mate.

I have a friend who got really serious PP depression after the birth of her child..she was suicidal and everything..then my partner at the time, now ex commented how her husband just have to leave her as she is too much inconvenience to handle with her depression..It was a light bulb moment for me then, that in case something bad happens to me in the future I can’t rely on this person. He would just leave me at the blink of an eye..
Luckily we are now separated. There are plenty of red flags we women don’t like to see or pretend they are pink flags and not red..

I had proper flu last year and I went to bed for best part of the week and my husband dealt with everything to do with the kids, shopping, pets etc. He worked from home to do school runs (and one kid was home one of the days). I didnt have to do anything. He brought me drinks and went to the chemist for me. I didnt need much else, I just needed all the rest I could get.
And when he's been ill, I do the same. That's what I would expect.

Well before you need support you don’t clearly see a selfish dick for what they are. Because you didn’t need support 🤷‍♀️

One reason I knew my (now late) DH was a keeper was his reaction when I got chicken pox very shortly after we got together. It is a horrible disease as an adult, and I was really ill for a couple of weeks (feverish, delirious, covered in extremely unattractive blisters from scalp to soles of feet), and he was wonderfully caring.

If he had reacted like you not-so-'D'-H, the relationship would have been over pretty quickly. It's a shame you didn't find out he was like this earlier.

My husband is like this. Sorry you have to put up with it as well x

My husband is like this. Sorry you have to put up with it as well x

Yes, my ex husband was like this. He would regularly berate me for being unwell and tell me that I was letting him and our children down. He even did this the night I came home from hospital after having our son by c-section, because I'd been unable to keep up with him marching through the hospital with the bags & baby in the car seat and had started to cry.
This behaviour got gradually worse until one morning I woke up too ill to get up and look after the children, so he threw a glass of water over me and dragged me out of bed and down the stairs. I'm divorcing him now.

I tell you this to highlight how abusive this behaviour is. These men have no respect for us.

You deserve better OP.

Sorry OP

not normal. Your D(?)H shows clear signs of twatty behaviour

Karma is coming!He will likely be just as ill within a few days and you can give him the same sympathy.
I think you should play loud Christmas music while he is begging you to bring paracetamol!
He needs a lesson in caring for sick people...

You have obviously never had real flu. Proper flu makes you feel dreadful for at least a week. You’re lucky if you have avoided it so far.

I am amazed at all the responses downplaying the seriousness of flu - too many people seem to think it's nothing but a bad cold.

The thing I remember most about flu (and I can remember it 40 years later!) was the incredible weakness I felt. I was super-fit at the time, and I could barely stand - going to the loo was on hands and knees for the first two days. I couldn't even read to pass the time, my book was too heavy to lift - not that reading was likely since I slept about 20 hours/day. I was signed off for a fortnight, the only time I've ever been signed off.

It’s a sign that he’s lacking emotional capacity. He’s one of these men who want to fix things, and if there’s something he can’t fix like an illness, he diverts feelings like worry or helplessness to anger, because some men think that anger is the only acceptable emotion.

I am currently on my arse with flu, and DH woke me up earlier to ask what was for dinner….

1. Why are they like this?!
2. Why do I enable it?! I end up seething to myself, then feeling like an utter failure…

I'd be coughing on his toothbrush and giving him the same treatment when he gets flu

Yes. For some reason he was shocked this was a dealbreaker, which I’d think should be blindingly obvious. If they aren’t there for you when you’re ill, why the fuck would you want them there for you the rest of the time?