Does anyone else’s H do this when they’re ill?

[Taq]

I’ve had proper flu this week, absolutely floored me. As in can’t get up, can’t function, proper ill. I’ve had kids off school to look after and no real help.

H is annoyed with me. He’s barely speaking to me, crashing around the place looking for things that I’ve apparently lost, asking pointed questions about has such-and-such been done, when he knows I’ve barely been able to wash. He hasn’t acknowledged that I’m ill. When I mention it he pretends its funny playing a tiny violin, or ignores me, or says yes he’s got a cold too but feels better when he just gets on with it.

He makes me feel so needy and pathetic, when in reality I’m neither. I can’t stand him when he’s like this.

I’m the same. I can’t be in the same room. But I take on all the household tasks and buy meds/make cups of tea as required. No chance I’m going to be there mopping a brow, though.

I also hate it when I’m ill, I annoy myself.

Well, as per user name, I am currently out of commission. My husband is actively encouraging me to do even less than I am doing while I recuperate because he wants my surgery to be a success. He is doing everything. And not expecting a medal for it!

^This. He’s angry and punishing you, OP. You can’t count on him.

Mine is also like this. He's OK if I've had major surgery eg good after my c-sections but not for cold/ flu. Mum's aren't allowed to be ill didn't you know? Make sure you get flu vaccine every year and call in help from friends for kids. Get takeaways. Book a spa day/weekend.

Make sure you get flu vaccine every year and call in help from friends for kids.

Why on earth should friends do what the other parent won't?

JFC!

It's hard to think that these men didn't show signs of being such utter shits before this.

That sounds absolutely hideous but why on earth did you go food shopping when you felt that way??

Normal DH’s don’t. Abusive, mysoginistic arseholes do. Stomping all over the place because their “appliance” broke.

I feel a bit iffy tonight (nothing concrete, just not quite right) . OH picked up a task I had to do as soon as I mentioned it, didn’t even have to ask.

Yeah maybe the OP should show him her post and all our replies - maybe it will give him the wake up call he desperately needs!

Ex-H was the same and would go one better making whatever he had the exact same as mine but worse. He even went as far complaining of backache so bad that he needed to lie down in my bed when I was in the delivery suite.

God, sorry but sometimes MN has me split straight down the middle of the bar is in hell and I’m disgustingly grateful for my DH!
Ive just gone through 18 months of cancer and there were days Im not even sure I was registering above consciousness.
DH took over all household/childcare/my care and I barely had to use a brain cell other than would I prefer A or B for dinner.
I hope I never have to repay the favour but I would do it in a heartbeat not only because I love him but I LIKE him and would want to do anything to ease his pain and suffering!
people who don’t like their SO enough to do this as the bare minimum have no business being married to someone 🤷🏻‍♀️

Whoa. No my husband would not act like that. He’d unlikely to be able to take time off but he would be making the dinners, putting on the laundry and wrangling the kids when home. It’s pathetic that a grown man can’t do these things.

Sadly the one thing that you can guarantee is that shit will happen. It is unavoidable. At the very least your parents will die. If your partner can’t hold you up or catch you if you fall they are worse than useless - worse because they prevent you getting support elsewhere (because that would make them look bad) and try to bully you into coping. It destroys trust. How could you ever trust them to step up if you needed long term support if they can’t even deliver short term support? Do they accept/expect you will ditch them if they need longer term support?

Unfortunately more shitty behaviour by men - about 13 years ago myself, husband and older son went down with flu - youngest who was 2 was fine. Husband took himself to bed for the entire time. I was also floored with it not caring for two small children. It’s just shitty behaviour on their part - so inconsiderate

Jesus he sounds horrible! No my dh isn't like this, he fetches me lemsip, gets paracetamol from the pharmacy, takes on any house bits I need/can't do and generally does what he can to make me feel better. Do you actually like each other? Is it one where he finds all ill people irritating? I could maybe see someone brought up and constantly told that colds aren't that bad, only weak people take time off etc not being good at sympathy and compassion - at a push, maybe. However, it sounds more like he's annoyed you're not sorting everything out or making him happy right now and he can't be bothered to look after you or do those things himself. Which, tbh, makes him a knob you could do without. It shocks me the lack of "partnering" some partners do.

Surely this can’t be new behaviour. He sounds like an arsehole. You don’t need him.

I hope you’re starting to feel better now, but if you really want to feel better you need to dump this loser. He’s not a partner at all.

I’ll be honest, we aren’t an ill house and I’ve never had proper flu as people describe it. Not sure whether we are all just blessed with good health or we just get on with it. The worst I have ever felt outside of being in labour was when I had a root canal as a teenager and I remember that as being horrible nerve pain nothing would touch so that’s how I imagine flu to be.

Due to the above I can’t remember the last time any of us took a day off i.e. was bedridden with illness so unsure whether DH and I would be incredibly sympathetic to each other or whether we’d privately think they should just get on with it. Has your husband ever had flu, does he understand how ill you feel or does he genuinely think you’re being a bit of a wimp and dodging chores?

I’m so sorry to hear that OP.

For starters I wouldn’t be very happy with his comment about wanting ‘a fucking fight….’ Who talks to someone they love and respect like that?

Doesn’t sound like a partnership at all and I’m so sorry about that.

No, this isn’t normal. He sounds like a prick. If my DH played a tiny violin whilst I was poorly I’d promptly boot him in the face

Sorry you’re feeling so rough. Your DH is being an absolute AH.

I’ve also been unwell this week. My DH works in the city every day but still made sure things were covered — he asked his parents to collect the kids on Thursday and came home as quickly as he could to do bedtime. On Friday he did the school drop-off so I could stay in bed, and I booked them into ASC to fit around his meetings. He did pick-up, bedtime, and got up early with them this morning.

When I said I still wasn’t 100%, he took them out for the morning and kept them entertained all afternoon so I could rest (I only managed a bit of light cleaning in between breaks because I felt exhausted).

He stepped up so I could recover — just as I would if he were ill.

I’m really sorry your DH didn’t do the same for you. 😞

No my husband doesn't behaviour like this at all. I'm currently off work with a fractured bone in my foot, and my husband has had to run the home and work a stressful full-time job. He's been lucky in that his line manager has been brilliant, and allowed him to work from home. Our son is 15, so is fairly self sufficient. I've been in horrendous pain, and feeling frustrated that I can't do things. Even if I'm mildly unwell, he'd be making sure I'm OK, running me a bath, bringing me pain killers, making sure I'm eating/drinking etc. Your husband is immature and selfish. You are genuinely unwell, and haven't taken to your bed, just to piss him off. Basically he's annoyed that you can't perform your usual duties in the home and his nice routine has been disrupted. You're his wife, he should be looking after you, and be concerned!

Sorry your feeling unwell and yeah your husband is a tool .

I've been wiped out with flu the last 6 days and my husband has been an absolute gem, he has done all the cleaning walked the dog admittedly he only cooked once but he has ordered food the rest of the time. he has got me medication made me stay in bed or nap on the sofa all whilst working full time and being on night call . Chances are he will catch it and I will do all and everything I can to make him rest and feel better .

Hope you feel better soon and realise there are better nicer more loving men out there who treat you the respect you deserve

Oh for crying out loud. What a bloody manchild. Go and lick his toothbrush so you can be utterly unsympathetic when he can’t stand up next week. Wanker

My H is reasonably good with sickness: I'v/e had cancer twice, broken leg, other problems etc. He has only had a knee op once. During chemo he did lots of lovely stuff as well as all the housework, laundry, cooking etc. BIL came over once when I had a broken leg and on crutches and expected me to make and bring him coffee! How do you do that on crutches? Shows what a useless piece of work he is.