25 year old SIL. No comparison, no jealousy.

[KKD90]

Hi all,

I’m 35, extremely career driven and this year have started family planning. My husband bought a new car this year and saved long and hard. His brother and his wife are younger than us, they have the most luxury but budget life and it makes no sense on how they afford it. She works as reception manager and he’s just help desk (not knocking jobs) but they both drive a BMW each, have lots of gold jewellery, and the other day, my SIL walked in with an LV bag (something I have wanted for around two years but, priorities). She revealed my brother in-law bought it for her. They also have an 11 month old. They have made comments about me and my husband buying groceries in M&S and how expensive it is?!

I immediately felt pretty shit when I saw her walk in with the bag. Not because she had it, but I work hard and hadn’t been able to buy it. I also sacrifice a lot, we don’t own our own home yet and are also working towards that (we live with my in-laws). This isn’t a comparison, but I feel so shit. My husband earns well, bought his luxury car and his clothes. I don’t own anything like it. It’s just a shitty feeling. My money goes towards saving for a house, handing him £500 towards the car .. that I don’t drive.

This is young people all over though, isn't it?
Wanting babies before they're married (maybe not the case here but usually it is).
Nobody wants to live in their own space, they all want to leech off their parents, FFS.

None of them want to actually apply themselves and sacrifice stuff to save house deposits etc. 🙄

I'm not sure that a baby would be sensible at this time

Sounds like this has nothing to do with SIL but your relationship with your partner. You sound jealous of your SIL and you need to rethink how you split bills with your partner.

You lost me when you mentioned your longing for the bag. Life's too short - honestly.

You have a dh issue.
You should t be paying him £500 FOR THE CAR ALONE
Whatever you are spending should be split in proportion to your wages. Or ensuring you both have the same amount left gut yourself at the end of the month.
Your dh is showing you, not that he is bad with money. But that him, his wishes come first. Before anyone else. Mid he can’t afford the insurance etc… of the car in his own, he shouldnt have bought it in the first place. Not when you clearly have a financial set up where it’s your money/his money rather than ours.

How on earth are you saving if you are wasting 12k a month? i’m punjabi and we never did something so stupid as to be without a home and spending silly money on a car (also none of us ever lived with our in-laws, either had property before we married or damn well made sure to buy a house before we got to the wedding).

None of what you are doing is inevitable. Your Dh doesn’t want to leave home otherwise he wouldn’t be burning through cash like this. Also stop giving him money for a car he bought for himself. He can pay for it. He needs to learn about delayed gratification.

None of this has anything to do with your SIL. This all has to do with your husband. Also forget the bags, it’s just a bag, whats the point of having a bag when you basically live in one bedroom. I’m a little bit older than you and I think you should just leave. You have a few good fertile years, don’t waste them on this, he’d be a useless father, no common sense.

Fucking hell

We have a “high” household income and we own 0 bags like LV (I have a bum bag). We have a Skoda. My trousers that I am wearing today have a hole in. I cut my ds and DH hair myself.

why do you want to waste money on shit? The LV is a similar shade to shit.

we own our house outright.

You all sound so materialistic tbh. Who cares about luxury cars and bags? Unless you're millionaires, those kind of items are a pointless rip off,bought to impress others

I drive a very dull, 5-year old Ford Fiesta. It may be boring but it's fully paid off and instead of spending money in car payments, I put it towards saving for holidays or pensions

Fucks sake OP. You chose to pay a grand a month for a car while simultaneously saving for a property and start a family? That’s lots of people’s monthly mortgage repayment. I’d be ashamed at your DH’s choices here and I have no idea why you didn’t just say no?? Your DH sounds very superficial and tbh, a total idiot. Maybe think twice about starting a family with him.

Don’t have children with this person. You will be even more trapped, beholden to his parents living in their crazy monopoly family game etc etc etc. You deserve a different kind of life, a different kind of respect .

Yep, its a DH problem....

You say you’re family planning, which I can understand if you’re 35. However, it’s going to be extremely hard to buy a house whilst on maternity leave or possibly back to work part time afterwards. So I think really that idea will be unrealistic. Therefore to get out of your in-laws house, you’re going to have to rent with your husband (or alone if you’ve had enough)
you say you’re ’career driven’ which I assume means you’re on decent money, so should be able to afford to rent and not live with in laws?

You give £500 a month to your DH for a car you don't drive, when you are 35 and still living in your in-laws and shop at M&S

Why????!

And you think your DH is good with money????!

Ok then....

Very well said 👏

Cars might lease
Jewelry and bag might be fake?
All sounds a bit naff to me anyway!
Doesn’t mean they’re happier than you.

Save your £500 per month towards your bag …..

Why would you pick a "luxury" car over house deposit? Are the in-laws homeowners? I haven't read all the comments but if they're picking designer bags and cars over house deposits then surely you just have different priorities, what's there to get jealous about?

Well their cars could be in finance and the bag could be a fake. Or, they could work and save hard, in the same way you do, and choose to spend those savings on different things.

Sounds very jealous to me,sorry.
They probably maxed out on credit cards though rather than being able to actually afford it, so would look the other way if it was me.

Please don't procreate with this man!
Stay on birth control, stay earning, and STOP paying towards his car. 🤦😞

This isn't about the bag.

It's about the five years you've been stuck living miserably with the in-laws while he spends on a fancy car which he expects you to contribute to.

Leased cars, and DH Gate for the bag,

Just seems like you are prioritising different things, you are also saying that you aren’t jealous, but the way you describe the situation suggests you are and also that you have a bit of a superiority complex.

Listen I get it. You work hard and it feels like you have a lot less luxuries. Think you mentioned Punjabi family? My guess is that there’s some parent funding, or money coming from somewhere. You can never truly know a family’s wealth or financial situation.

That’s her lot and you can’t change it.

If you are not driving (and presumably not benefitting from it?) then you don’t need to be paying £500 a month towards it. He can get himself something less expensive which he can pay for himself (presume he also puts in £500 which can get him something pretty decent) and you can get your LV. Christ at £500 a month you can get yourself a decent bag by April.

Continue saving it’s worth i

Did I read that right @KKD90, he earns twice as much as you, and you (have to?) give him 20% of your income to pay for his status symbol? How did that come about?

@KKD90 Just about anyone can drive an expensive BMW today using one of those silly "PCP" deals. You pay a monthly fee for the privilege of driving a car that you don't even legally own, and which you're barely allowed to drive because they put some outrageously low mileage restriction.

I think it's fair to say that no one has respect for someone who buys a car on a "PCP" deal to compensate for their small person syndrome, but most of us do respect someone who saves over time to buy their own car outright.

All cars I have ever owned have been paid for outright.