My friend didn’t tell me her baby was born

[AllIDoIsFloat]

My friend announced her pregnancy in the group chat about two months ago. She sent a 12 week scan and after that basically completely dipped - she didn’t meet up with any of us, would always say yes and then just not turn up. I reached out to her husband and he said she was really good, just not feeling like meeting up.

She posted about eight hours ago on Instagram that their baby was born last month. All of our other friends on the group chat are commenting saying how much they love her, how they’ve loved baby snuggles and her name etc. I’ve messaged her to ask if she’s up to visitors, even just for someone to come and help with housework and she’s ignored it.

I’ve messaged her husband again and he’s dropped the bomb that the reason she doesn’t want to meet with me is because I’m having trouble conceiving. I’ve never, ever, made this her problem. I’ve only ever been happy for her, I went to her baby shower and I’m so happy for her, but her husband has said she’s just not interested in the friendship anymore. I’m so, so heartbroken, and I don’t know what to do

I’m so sorry. That must hurt so much.

Take time to process this. If you have an EAP through your work, I’d reach out to them for support. It sounds to me like the friendship is done. What’s important now is that you get support to deal with that.

I also think that this is going to impact your wider friendship group. Quite how, I’m not sure. I am sending you a huge hug and lots of warm wishes.

I'm sorry this has happened to you. Sometimes people are awkward (friends who've suffered a loss tell me of people crossing the street to avoid talking to them) and I can she she might feel sorry and worried that she's flaunting her luck-but what she's said is not ok at all. She isn't a real friend to behave like that, and I hope she changes and brings up her child to be more caring.

What she’s said has just made me feel like I’m less than her. I know what she’s trying to say, that because of these troubles she thinks I can’t relate to her. I really just wanted to support her but now I feel so useless.

She sounds like an awful friend, how bloody cruel to say that.
Do the other friends in the group know you haven’t seen the baby? Because all of their obvious involvement plastered over the group chat was pretty thoughtless too if they know.

I don’t think they know, no. I’m not keen to tell anyone because obviously it’ll lead to her being isolated and she doesn’t need that as a new mum. I’d rather I’m the one isolated

Oh OP, you are so so not useless. She’s is stuck in that very self involved baby fog which is quite normal, but I think in a year or two, she’s going to massively regret being so nasty to you. To me, it is nasty and terribly self absorbed.

At least her husband had the nerve to tell you what a cow his wife is.

She's a bitch.

You deserve better op. Sod her.

I am horrified, so sorry he said that to you. Why would he be so cruel and unkind? She is appalling too.

Fuck that. I’d make it abundantly clear as to why I’m no longer friends with her.

Respectfully that gal is a C you next Tuesday and you have dodged a massive bullet. Experienced infertility and loss gal here myself and I’ve lost two of my close friends on the journey: it hurts now but in time you’ll be so glad the universe did you a favour and got rid of her. It wasn’t meant to be and you’ve been spared a lot of passive aggression and drama I’d say. Good on you being the bigger person, everyone will see her true colours in time I am sure - people that odd get found out eventually!

Mind yourself xxx

What a bitch.
Op im sorry but hang in there dont let this drag you down.
Give it time she will soon see she let a good friend go, by that time you would have moved past it all and moved on.

I’d leave her to get on with it. She will probably be moaning nobody bothers with her once the newborn bubble bursts.

Yeah seen it this happen a few times.
It their own fault for ending friendships because they have a baby.

This is unbelievably cruel and strange! She's cut you off and had her husband tell you she doesn't want to be your friend anymore because you can't have a baby?

Is there any chance at all that there's been some sort of mix-up? Though I can't think what that could be.

If I was you, I'd sent her a message. Just because she's had a baby doesn't mean she can treat people so purely.

This is the single most cruel and disgusting thing I have heard of in quite some time. What a bitch.

At some point the friends she has left will all get fed up, with the none stop baby talk.
As a pp said above wait for the new born bubble to pop.

That’s awful behaviour from her. Did her husband actually say ‘she’s just not interested in the friendship any more’?

What a cow, you deserve far more than being treated like that . Is very hurtful but she has now shown her true colours

That’s the long and short of it. She doesn’t feel we have much to bond over anymore, she feels awkward due to the fact that I can’t have a baby, we’re in “different stages” of life and she doesn’t think I can be a good friend.

I don’t think they know, no. I’m not keen to tell anyone because obviously it’ll lead to her being isolated and she doesn’t need that as a new mum. I’d rather I’m the one isolated

You need to give your friends a heads up at some point to make sure they don't end up with the wrong impression, and you end up isolated further if any of them have babies.

Is there any way this could be a miscommunication from the husband? Maybe she didn't know how to approach this with you and it was making her feel worried and he said he'd sort it and said... That. ?

I ask because it is breathtakingly cruel otherwise and I wonder if you would have noticed she was a class A+ bitch earlier in the relationship?

Your friend has behaved atrociously. However, it depends slightly on how it was meant (and speaking through husband is not ideal as things get lost in translation).

If she meant, "I'm not interested in being friends with you now I'm elevated to this "special" plane of motherhood and you're not" then obviously she is an utter twat and you have had a lucky escape.

If she meant, "Every time I see you I'm acutely aware that my being pregnant/having a baby might be causing you immense pain. I can't bear to contribution to you being sad, so I've been withdrawing from the friendship" then she has gone about it very badly. She should have discussed it with you, given you a chance to say how you feel, and if she still felt uncomfortable around your perceived sadness she should have swallowed it for the sake of friendship and basic decency.

Neither are good. But the second option might be salvageable, if you want to.

I'm in shock that she can be so cruel.

Wow. Has she always been a bit of a bitch??

She’s a complete bitch. I would be letting the rest of your friend group know. How heartless can someone be!