My friend didn’t tell me her baby was born

[AllIDoIsFloat]

My friend announced her pregnancy in the group chat about two months ago. She sent a 12 week scan and after that basically completely dipped - she didn’t meet up with any of us, would always say yes and then just not turn up. I reached out to her husband and he said she was really good, just not feeling like meeting up.

She posted about eight hours ago on Instagram that their baby was born last month. All of our other friends on the group chat are commenting saying how much they love her, how they’ve loved baby snuggles and her name etc. I’ve messaged her to ask if she’s up to visitors, even just for someone to come and help with housework and she’s ignored it.

I’ve messaged her husband again and he’s dropped the bomb that the reason she doesn’t want to meet with me is because I’m having trouble conceiving. I’ve never, ever, made this her problem. I’ve only ever been happy for her, I went to her baby shower and I’m so happy for her, but her husband has said she’s just not interested in the friendship anymore. I’m so, so heartbroken, and I don’t know what to do

She sounds horrible and so lacking in empathy. I wish you great happiness in your future and you don’t need people like her in your life

As she announced the pregnancy so late I’d assume she’s either experienced a loss or a high risk/difficult pregnancy.

She’s always had an edge to her. About eight months ago we all went out for dinner and during the course of conversation it came up that my partner and I had put a hard end date on IVF as we’re very aware that it could put a huge strain on our relationship and bodies. We’ve always said that if it doesn’t work out for us we’d love to explore fostering or adoption. She snapped about how other children aren’t there to fill our “hole” in our life. Looking back this obviously was just after she had found out she was pregnant, so I’d always tried to rationalise it.

Wow she is horrible. WTAF 😳
Her husband must have had some brass neck to tell you that. Id have been too mortified.
Shes a cow. You deserve better than the likes of that.

I’m honestly not sure which one it is. The baby isn’t the first in our friendship group and I’ve always maintained that it’s not hurtful for me in the slightest. I’m obviously very upset that things haven’t worked out for us as we planned, but I don’t really see a reason for it to upset me that other people have that. I always want to surround the people around me with love and support, because that’s what a good friend does.

Omg this woman sounds sadistic. You are well rid!!!!

I’m not sure if she announced it late to everyone or just me. At the time I assumed it was just the case that it was just after her first scan and she was telling us all. But obviously now with everyone else having met baby etc, I’m starting to think that she only told me late.

Oh yes I see, that’s definitely a possibility.

There is something seriously wrong with your friend and nothing at all wrong with you. Please share what has happened with your other friends, otherwise they will think you have dropped them. Strengthen the existing individual bonds with the others and take the focus off the group. You can be kind and factual, you don’t have to talk her down as they will draw their own conclusions.
It is really OK if she ends up isolated as this will protect your other friends from being hurt — imagine if one of them has infertility or loses a child and she tells them they are no longer good enough for her.

Sounds like you are well shot of her OP. What a horrid thing to have to go through, my heart goes out to you.

She's behaving appalling, and there isn't an excuse, even in the fog of being a new mum.
This is no way to treat your friend.
I'm horrified for you, but I truly don't think she is a good friend.

Gosh I’m so sorry for you. It’s very unfair behaviour on your friends part. I would be very upset too. Poor you 😔

She sounds ghastly! I'd be definitely telling the other people in the group! Maybe I'm petty!

I had the first baby by about 5 years in my close friends group and now a few of them are struggling to ttc. In fact when I had second baby it was at the same time as a few friend's treatments hadn't worked. I am so conscious of this and how I really don't want to lose them as friends when seeing me might be hard. I'd never dream of dumping them! Mum friends are great but old friends are for life.

Hope building your family, whatever way, works out for you. 💐

"She doesn't think you can be a good friend".

Says way more about her emotional maturity than yours.

I am a bit concerned that you will be sidelined by this woman in the future.
You dont have to gossip about her but do confide in your closest friends.

I'd want to know if one friend had intentions to cut someone else out a group because they werent deemed suitable any more. Particularly over this issue.

Yep, she's a write-off. Total bitch. I don't have kids but I have friends who do (lots in some cases) and they actually like me as a friend and I don't have any issues with the kids, been to many a soft-play session.

Navigating mutual friends may be difficult going forward, so I'd think about how to manage that.

I’m so sorry op. This person and her husband are nasty pieces of work, and frankly you are better off without that toxicity in your life. I can’t believe she has behaved like this, please don’t let this get to you, she was never a true friend quite clearly. And I would make sure others know what she said, I would certainly want to know if a friend of mine behaved like this. Take care of yourself.

SHE doesn’t think YOU can be a good friend???

I’m absolutely staggered by that statement.

I wish you love and luck, and I hope she does you the favour of never crossing your path again- she’s selfish beyond belief.

If I were in your friendship group i would want to know how awfully she was treating my mutual friend.

It’s perfectly acceptable to put yourself first especially when she isn’t!

do you think she knows her DH sent that message?

This woman is not your friend. Do not leave your friendship group because of her, especially if they are friends for many years. Let her get over her PFM situation and then let it ride.

For the love of all that is Holy. Some people..

The group were saying that the baby is cute, so theyve met her

Girl, have the group pushed you out as a whole?

Sorry, they sound like fucking shit friends xx

What an absolute madam she is. She spent deserve your support. I agree with a previous poster and I would certainly tell the rest of the group as you don’t know what she has told them. But to be clear she’s an absolute bitch!

She sounds like an absolute bitch, @AllIDoIsFloat. I know it doesn’t feel like it now, but you’re well rid.

Well! What a class A cunt.
let’s hope she doesn’t have secondary infertility if she tries to have another baby.
Proper mean girls shit. Tell the others and out her behaviour - you don’t have to say much, just the facts as they stand and let them decide - she needs to take responsibility for her own bad behaviour, not you.
If they follow her lead it’s a sign you need some real friends. 💐

OP, I had exactly the same. 2 friends did that to me. Weirdly I have never ever even talked about not having children but they knew because of medical history that would be difficult. I had no idea why they thought it was awkward or maybe I needed 'protecting'.

Not telling me pissed me off more, I felt like they couldn't treat me like an adult. To be honest, your friend has been a total bitch to you and am so very sorry, but from my side, I kinda went off my friends because of this anyway. I lost touch.