My friend didn’t tell me her baby was born

[AllIDoIsFloat]

My friend announced her pregnancy in the group chat about two months ago. She sent a 12 week scan and after that basically completely dipped - she didn’t meet up with any of us, would always say yes and then just not turn up. I reached out to her husband and he said she was really good, just not feeling like meeting up.

She posted about eight hours ago on Instagram that their baby was born last month. All of our other friends on the group chat are commenting saying how much they love her, how they’ve loved baby snuggles and her name etc. I’ve messaged her to ask if she’s up to visitors, even just for someone to come and help with housework and she’s ignored it.

I’ve messaged her husband again and he’s dropped the bomb that the reason she doesn’t want to meet with me is because I’m having trouble conceiving. I’ve never, ever, made this her problem. I’ve only ever been happy for her, I went to her baby shower and I’m so happy for her, but her husband has said she’s just not interested in the friendship anymore. I’m so, so heartbroken, and I don’t know what to do

Sounds like she felt in competition with you when you discussed your fertility and she was also trying for a baby at this time. Her comment re adopting sounds like her nose was out of joint - almost like she doesn’t want you to have children. She sounds very jealous OP (which comes from insecurity) and for some reason doesn’t know how to navigate her relationship with you now she has a child. She sounds incredibly immature and I am sorry you have been treated that way. Also, the fact your friends have gone along with the deception is not very thoughtful but perhaps they were fooled into thinking it was to spare your feelings. Please do not think it’s a reflection of anything you have done, the fault lies with your so-called-friend. Hopefully she reads this thread and realises how heartless she is being.

She sounds like an absolute bitch. You sound like your instinct is to prioritise other people's happiness and comfort at the expense of your own, so maybe she has been subtly horrible to you all along and you didn't really notice.

I know how hurtful it is to be dumped by a friend. But this woman honestly is no great loss to you. Don't let her weird decision isolate you from the rest of the group. Let them all know you are very hurt by her behaviour and that you don't want to lose the rest of them too. She doesn't deserve your consideration.

She wore a floaty dress and I’m not the type of person to doubt then. Clearly I’m far too nice

@AllIDoIsFloat time to put yourself first. Don't discuss her with your other friends. If they ask or mention your lack of contact hand them your phone with the messages between you and her husband. Just say 'this will explain ' . That gives her no room to claim you're manipulating, have misinterpreted etc. She has shown you exactly what kind of person she is. Her husband is no better, delivering a cruel heartless message in such a nasty way.

If all your other friends have met the baby, they are all aware that you have been isolated, so don't worry for them.

There is also another group chat that you are not a part of. Horrible, horrible bunch of people.

I'm so sorry, @AllIDoIsFloat 💐.

I’ve told them all what’s happened now. I’m going to leave it to them to decide how they want to deal with it, but I’m so hurt that I couldn’t leave it alone.

Have any of them spoken to you about it since you told them what went on?

I don’t think she deserves someone as kind and empathic as you as her friend. If the others in the friend group have been friends with you for as long (or longer) make sure you confide in them (you don’t have to make it nasty) and make sure you don’t loose them at friends. I know you feel bad if she ended up loosing some of these friends but that’s not your problem.

how did they react? I expect they’ll want to give her the benefit of the doubt simply because her behaviour is so egregious if you take if at face value, they’ll want to explain it away as her protecting you, so you may have to be blunt and tell them exactly how harsh she has been so they “get it”. I hope they are supportive of you. You don’t deserve this at all.

I hope you’re doing ok