Blindsided by DH telling me tonight he’s had enough of our marriage

[Jack32]

It was a normal Friday night tonight, got the baby and toddler asleep at 7, DH went out to pick up our take away and we watched our Netflix series. I asked him what’s the plan this weekend, I checked the weather app and mentioned how I’d be going for my jog first thing if the rain stayed away, around 8am. It’s a new thing I’ve taken up since the baby so keep fit. I normally get up at 6am with the kids, take them downstairs, feed them, wash, dress them while DH stays in bed. He comes downstairs to take care of them while I’m out for an hour jogging. I like to get it done early so we can spend the day together. Tonight he completely snapped at me when I said about my jog. He said he dreads the weekend with me, hates the weekend, is fed up of this marriage. I was blind sighted, I reached to grab his hand and asked if he was OK and he snatched his hand back so coldly. He said just leave me alone. I was so shocked, I’ve gone upstairs to bed and I feel sick. What should I do or say ?!

Get your proverbial ducks in a row. He wants out, so (in the words of Cassie Phillips) 'let him'.

Don't protect him with silence.

I would not say anything, he needs to come to you and apologise. I’m sure he’s tired, stressed, kids are hard work etc but if he got carried away and spoke without thinking then he needs to take responsability for the upset he caused and apologise

I’m so sorry OP but I would be considering if his head has been turned by the other woman. This sounds like the script.

Out of the blue to you is possible other woman because you've been focused on family

I think that I'd be giving him a wide berth. I'd go for your jog tomorrow and leave the ball in his court. Life's hard with 2 children and it sounds like the pressure is getting to him.

What a horrid thing to say to you OP, I would be waiting for a real apology. He’s probably tired and crabby but that’s no reason to talk to you like that. See what tomorrow brings

Sounds like a tantrum

is he a hands on dad or just does enough dad?

What was the situation before the jogging, did he just stay in bed?

this is what I'm wondering. I bet he's just "tired" of actually having to step up as a parent.

He’s a knob, but it’s blindsided op.

I hope he comes to his senses tomorrow and apologised to you. I'd let him lie in till 9 to go jogging. Maybe he's just really tired and crabby. With 2 kids he'd be no better off if he left you. I might mention that to him.

I’d point blank ignore him quite frankly. Tomorrow I’d get up and take kids out on a brisk walk with you as exercise is going to make you feel better if you stick to your routine (I often do this if I can’t get a cycle or exercise in without bringing my children along). I’d then go to your families as much as you can. Let him stew the immature selfish prick. You do a LOT! I hope he knows of it’s joint custody then he will be the one up on his days with the kids. Idiot.

Why take the kids? She gets very little time away, he’s a dad regardless of how fed up he might be he made a choice. I’d not be sending a message that he gets to opt out because he’s fed up.

Why? This is just going to pander to him, he wants a break and to avoid parenting and adult life and this would give him that on a platter

This was my thought. He’s possibly throwing his toys out of the pram about getting up with the kids while you jog. Probably thinks he should be having a lie in 🙄

Yep, having a tantrum because he has to parent for an hour or so. Boo fucking hoo.

Go out for your run, take your time. Long hot shower when you get back.

It sounds like you love routine. It sounds like he is bored of routine and feels stuck in a rut. It sounds like you can communicate your emotions. It sounds like he has limited skills in emotional communication.

It could be that he has just snapped tonight and it could be something you could both work on fixing. Or he could have been sat on these feelings for a while and already checked out of the relationship.

I'd just leave him to stew and try and have a conversation about it when the kids go to bed tomorrow. Hopefully he will apologise because he was out of order saying what he did.

Do you get a lie in until 8 any day?

I would go for your jog op then maybe stay out longer and go for a coffee too.
The reality is he has chosen to have two children. With that comes responsibility. He can no longer lie in bed lounging about, that ended when he chose to become a parent.
Has he got childfree friends who perhaps spend their weekends having a lie in, hiding hobbies, going to the pub, gaming
etc etc? Maybe that’s what’s getting to him.
Do not take on extra work. He made his decision.

• doing hobbies*

It’s not for you to fix this. Sounds like he’s resenting his life and thinking of only he didn’t have the burden of you and the small children it would all be better. What a disappointing man. He now needs to massively apologise and step up or do something about whatever he thinks is a better life. Sorry OP

This is so horribly familiar and is something I also experienced years ago when my kids were small
I didn't take it seriously, brushed it off as a one off but my exH began a long affair when the kids were small, allegedly because he was "unhappy" "bored" & "hated the routine" amongst other things.

I am not saying it will be the same for you but I wouldn't ignore this or let it go. If you still love your H and this really is out of the blue then you need to communicate.

You need to talk to him & see if there are changes that can be made - & I don't mean you stop having your bit of free time & bend to his way, that's NOT the answer.

Maybe some couples counselling would be a good idea? But don't ignore this.

No - this is terrible advice. Do not be this doormat. Do not let him off the hook of parenting his own kids while you have one hour in the day.

If anything go for your jog and then take the rest of the day to yourself being uncontactable. If he asks where you went when you return you can explain he wanted out of the marriage so you were giving him space and the first weekend of joint responsibility for the kids.

Wow, what an unpleasant shock for you.
Do you have family nearby? I’d leave him with the kids and stay away for the day, to think.

I’d do tomorrow as planned but agree a time to sit down and have a proper conversation about what he said and what he meant. You need to communicate.

How is the division of labour generally between you?