Blindsided by DH telling me tonight he’s had enough of our marriage

[Jack32]

It was a normal Friday night tonight, got the baby and toddler asleep at 7, DH went out to pick up our take away and we watched our Netflix series. I asked him what’s the plan this weekend, I checked the weather app and mentioned how I’d be going for my jog first thing if the rain stayed away, around 8am. It’s a new thing I’ve taken up since the baby so keep fit. I normally get up at 6am with the kids, take them downstairs, feed them, wash, dress them while DH stays in bed. He comes downstairs to take care of them while I’m out for an hour jogging. I like to get it done early so we can spend the day together. Tonight he completely snapped at me when I said about my jog. He said he dreads the weekend with me, hates the weekend, is fed up of this marriage. I was blind sighted, I reached to grab his hand and asked if he was OK and he snatched his hand back so coldly. He said just leave me alone. I was so shocked, I’ve gone upstairs to bed and I feel sick. What should I do or say ?!

He pulls this shit again, take him to his word and tell him to pack his fucking bags. Calmly.

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OP before you start panicking over all this "the Script" and "Chumplady" nonsense, I recommend talking to your husband. What is really going on? Was Saturday morning his one lie in a week? In our house we take it turns so that one lies in Saturday and the other one Sunday. I really would be upset if my morning was taken away from me, I look forward to those two extra hours all week. When you are both calm, sit down and talk to each other. Parenting young kids is tough and it's tiring and sometimes you just need to give each other a little grace.

That sounds like he is feeling resentful bordering on contempt.

I wonder is he struggling with the grind of young kids while you are really enjoying these younger years and that is making him feel resentful.

You both need to get to the bottom of what needs to change if you are going to make things work and that does not involve you giving up your running or your happiness.

I think there is a stage of life where a lot of men particularly feel like a marriage is only tailored to their wife and her happiness when young kids come along, you often hear it cited by men as a reason for a split.

He is probably been more truthful in that outburst than he has been before. Personally I find it a reality distortion as life with young children is hard for both parents but men can be very selfish only thinking of it from their own perspective.

Thus. Plus it sounds like he resents the jog and is manipulating you to stop.

He doesn’t want to be left with the children while you go out for your run. By making a fuss when you go and do anything on your own he’s setting it up so you’ll think twice about leaving him with the children. He probably doesn’t mind being with the children as long as you’re there to actually do everything.
He hates his weekends? What does he want to do go to the pub all day?
It’s good to talk about things but I hope your talk doesn’t end with you making his life easier so he can enjoy his weekends while you do all the donkey work.

Oh the irony

Don’t run around after him.

He is either having an affair or (as pp said) manipulating you into not having any time to yourself (like going jogging).

Why is it on you to get dc dressed/fed? Are you a SAHM? Even if you are, does he not give you a break on weekends?

Please stop derailing OP’s thread. She is upset, she doesn’t need these laugh emojis.

What a horrible man and awful thing to say!

Exactly this.
Many men assume women love spending time solely with their kids so don't think they mind doing it all the time.

I'm usually the last person to defend a man in these type of situations, but I think that maybe you're being unreasonable here. You say he works hard and is out in all weathers. That must be pretty tough particularly in the winter. It sounds like you unilaterally decided to go out running so early in the morning without discussing it with him at all. Maybe he's physically tired after a strenuous week at work and needs to recuperate by not having to get up so early at least one morning at the weekend. If he's not had enough sleep because he's on childcare duties so early, maybe it leaves him feeling tired for the rest of the day and unable to function very well
Perhaps you could go for your run later in the morning at 9 or 10am. Hopefully he'd be grateful for the lie in and happy to take over the childcare for an hour or two while you run and stop for a coffee out too, if that's your thing.
Why don't you actually speak to him and see what exactly is making him feel unhappy about the weekends?

Quite a few men cannot cope with life with young kids as the attention is now all on the children

it is a sad realisation of your man is like this

i hope he was just having as bad day and apologised

Why on earth would you suggest this?
He's an adult, an actual grown up man with responsibility for young children
JFC let him lay in bed like a teenager ?
No!

Exactly this. Talk to him and find out what's going on and how he feels. OP may think going for run early works for her, but does it work for him too? It's about compromise.

If he isn't starting 'the script', and is just a lazy bastard, I'd so enjoy telling him that when he has joint custody once you've split, he'll have a full half week of early mornings to deal with.

I think this is bang on the money. Men often do struggle more with life with young children, because the mum, as the default parent who is more likely to take all the parental leave, or give up work to stay at home, or work part time, will inevitably develop a closer bond with the children. Mum knows how to manage them, what makes them tick, etc. Dad often feels out of his depth when managing them alone.

Managing life with young kids also does involve a lot of routine and it can be like Groundhog Day. DH likes routine more than I do, so I struggled more with weekends than him with DS1. By DS2, I knew what I was in for. But I think male partners usually tend to struggle more with the tedium than women.

None of this, however, is an excuse for a man not to step up and parent his own children and give his wife/partner a break, and think outside his own frame of reference for a change. This stage doesn't last forever.

I agree with this. Don't blow up your relationship over a stupid row. Yes, he's behaved badly and of course you need to be able to carve out time to run but maybe chat about pushing it back an hour rather than leaping to ending your relationship and assuming an affair like many here suggest. If he's knackered after working all week and maybe worrying about finances before Christmas (like I know many are) he may just be on edge and working on a compromise where you both can get what you need is the first thing I'd try.

If he's at work all week Im not surprised he doesn't want to get up at the crack of dawn so you can go for a jog. I couldn't think of a worst start to the weekend. Sounds like he is fed up of the regime you have set so you need to talk.

Was he having a tantrum because he’d actually have to get up and parent his own children?

Wow what a lot of ‘poor man having to work a hard job and adjust to children and not knowing how to look after them’.

Bollocks to that.

Seriously when do women get those excuses to be absent parents? Never that’s when.

This is the script. He's having an affair sorry.

Some absolutely crazy replies on this thread.
I can't believe the pp who are actually pointing the finger at OP because she has taken up jogging!
The fact she actually gets the children up and ready before she goes hardly makes it an arduous task for her H . They are his children for heaven's sake.
OP deserves and needs this time for herself to look after her mental and physical fitness.