Blindsided by DH telling me tonight he’s had enough of our marriage

[Jack32]

It was a normal Friday night tonight, got the baby and toddler asleep at 7, DH went out to pick up our take away and we watched our Netflix series. I asked him what’s the plan this weekend, I checked the weather app and mentioned how I’d be going for my jog first thing if the rain stayed away, around 8am. It’s a new thing I’ve taken up since the baby so keep fit. I normally get up at 6am with the kids, take them downstairs, feed them, wash, dress them while DH stays in bed. He comes downstairs to take care of them while I’m out for an hour jogging. I like to get it done early so we can spend the day together. Tonight he completely snapped at me when I said about my jog. He said he dreads the weekend with me, hates the weekend, is fed up of this marriage. I was blind sighted, I reached to grab his hand and asked if he was OK and he snatched his hand back so coldly. He said just leave me alone. I was so shocked, I’ve gone upstairs to bed and I feel sick. What should I do or say ?!

My guess is that he just wants a lie in at the weekend after a week of manual work. Getting up in the dark everyday is not good for any of our mental state, even the children. Could you go jogging later? I’d find it annoying if every weekend I had to get up early in the dark in the winter,so you go for a jog. Try going later and see what he says. A compromise is needed I think

@Jack32 I hope you’re enjoying your run.

Explain to your partner that at some point when you’re both calm you expect to talk properly about what he said.

What???

They have children sorry staying in bed till it’s light is NOT an option.

8 am is not the crack of dawn and op has already been up for two hours, presumably every day. If her kids are anything like mine were, 5-6am starts were the absolute norm for years. He doesn't have to swing into Superdad mode, just sit with a coffee and cbeebies on. Assuming he chose to be a father, it comes with the territory.

He just doesn’t want to his share of parenting does he? That’s why he snapped at the point your mentioned your jog.

Hahahahhahahahahah

Try telling the kids that! I’m sure she ould love it if they could all lie in until it’s light as a family. Unfortunately kids don’t think like that. One of mine was up before 7 today, and the other at 7.30.

Agree, sounds like he is trying to manipulate you not to go for your jog. Hope you went OP!!

Reasonable balanced advice given on MN shocker!!

People aren't saying she shouldn't have taken up jogging, they're saying that if she decided to run at 8am every Saturday morning from now on and just told him it was happening, he's right to feel aggrieved. Just as the multiple women who post on MN that their DHs have suddenly said they are going out to do their hobby every weekend with no discussion are right to feel aggrieved. You can't just impose your will on each other without talking it through. Marriage is a partnership, not a dictatorship.

It's 8 am, not the crack of dawn. 8 am is a lie in to me! Plus he then he only has to look after his own children, who have been fed and watered, for one hour!!

Translation - How dare you leave me for an hour with the children when I could be laying in bed.

Why don’t you point out how this thicko that if you split up then he will be having the children for the whole weekend whilst you enjoy yourself.

Sorry to hear about this OP.
I don’t work full time as I have a severely disabled DC but I do work part-time mostly outdoors.
I like to have a lie-in on Saturday but that’s until 07:30-8.

It took a while to get my husband to get DD up (he’s already up at 6 naturally) as I’d be up multiple times in the night with her, often from 2am (or earlier) or for hours at night.

It seems like for some men unless the obvious is pointed out (eg you can just as easily get DD up and give her a movie to watch and put on her pump led food (takes 5 minutes max) as I can).

If it’s NOT just that he wants to lie in and what he said that he’s hates weekends (which is actually what he said) then the jog and the time in bed might just be a red herring.

If I feel like I’m getting fed up at weekends (and obviously I have different circumstances) it’s because we aren’t getting out of the house doing activities or DH is just doing his own thing while I’m doing things with DD or for the house and I feel stifled.

It’s possible therefore that he’s expressing (badly) something about the monotony of the weekends that doesn’t just mean he wants to go out getting pissed or he’s shagging someone else.

I hope he apologises and explains and talks. If he doesn’t do that voluntarily I’d be thinking there’s a deep problem in that he really does not want the relationship any longer or another woman.

Nobody is saying that the OP shouldn't get to go for her run. All anyone is suggesting is that she have a conversation with him and find out what isn't working for him and whether a compromise is possible.

Also, I don't understand all the replies about how it's not possible to have a lie in with young children. Of course it is. The husband gets to lie in one day, OP the next. Not complicated and not a big deal but something very appreciated.

Posters telling the OP her husband is having an affair or that he is a terrible father aren't helping her.

Some good points here. Weekends with young kids can be very monotonous. He isn't evil for feeling that way.

I think you need to have a list of hard Qns you need answers to:

How long has he felt like this?

Does he mean it about the marriage?

If he didnt mean it, why did he say something so awful?

What is it he needs at home? (Be prepared if this is just him being overwhelmed to manage his expectations- parents have responsibilities and you dont want a 3rd child)

If he did mean it about the marriage is marriage counselling an option?

Good luck

This
God the comments are pathetic

Sorry about the blindsighted thing, that did make me chuckle lol
While I popped in the bedroom to grab something he said he’ll be getting up soon and to go for my jog. I sat next to him and just calmly explained we need to chat at some point, about what we both want. He agreed and then I went out. If he has had his head turned then so be it, he can leave. Financially I would be OK, I’m on mat leave atm but and plan to go back when baby is 1.

Agree there are some crazy responses on here - “it’s the script!” “There’s another woman because there always is!” etc etc ad nauseam.
it’s almost impossible to get practical balanced relationship advice on MN these days as it’s been taken over by people who have no concept of how to make a successful relationship work, whos personal experience is failed relationship after failed relationship and lack the self awareness to understand or admit that perhaps they aren’t the best people to be giving advice.

They really can! We're in the teen phase now but there were times when DD was younger that going out for activities every weekend felt like enforced fun, especially in winter.

You're getting annoyed about things no one has said. Making up a story about what you think is going on in the OP's marriage, deciding the only possible explanation is the man is to blame, then getting angry over responses that don't go along with with the version you've written in your head. Many such cases.

God yes! I'm still in the thick of it with young kids. I know every playground in a twenty mile radius and I'm sick of them all

Having a baby and toddler is a difficult time for everyone. It's relentless and boring, but lots of marriages manage to get through it. It's not necessarily the end.

Going against the “script” train of thought. This is a fairly similar conversation to what we have every so often. It’s ultimately because DH is exhausted from the week and the thought of parenting alone is too stressful and an alternative needs to be found so they don’t parent alone at the weekend when they’re too tired from work.
I feel you. Xx

Oh I remember that! One particularly grim day when DD was clearly restless and needed to burn off energy we went to the same park four times in a single day. I was almost weeping with despair by the end.

It does get easier, I promise! She's currently in bed asleep and I doubt I'll see her this side of noon.

Well I agree to a large degree decisions should be discussed.

But the fact OP is not expecting him to get up extra early. And not expecting him to get the children dressed or breakfasted. Means that her going for a jog after she has done these things is not, or should not, be a big deal.

Some pp are presenting it as though she should actually be asking her H's permission just to go out of the house for an hour. And that should not be the case
.
If he thinks it's such hard work for him actually looking after his own children for an hour - and not even need to dress or feed them in this time - then it should make him sympathetic to the work OP does looking after HIS children. Not resentful of her deserving an hour to herself. Which she shouldn't have to ask his permission to have!