Blindsided by DH telling me tonight he’s had enough of our marriage

[Jack32]

It was a normal Friday night tonight, got the baby and toddler asleep at 7, DH went out to pick up our take away and we watched our Netflix series. I asked him what’s the plan this weekend, I checked the weather app and mentioned how I’d be going for my jog first thing if the rain stayed away, around 8am. It’s a new thing I’ve taken up since the baby so keep fit. I normally get up at 6am with the kids, take them downstairs, feed them, wash, dress them while DH stays in bed. He comes downstairs to take care of them while I’m out for an hour jogging. I like to get it done early so we can spend the day together. Tonight he completely snapped at me when I said about my jog. He said he dreads the weekend with me, hates the weekend, is fed up of this marriage. I was blind sighted, I reached to grab his hand and asked if he was OK and he snatched his hand back so coldly. He said just leave me alone. I was so shocked, I’ve gone upstairs to bed and I feel sick. What should I do or say ?!

he doesn’t like that you’ve started to do something for yourself, albeit a 1hr jog is nothing and he should be pleased you’re taking care of yourself. A loving husband would not care.

I bet he’s having an affair. He wants to be the priority and can’t stand the attention on the kids and now you doing something for yourself.

I’d call his bluff and say sure let’s divorce and we’ll split the kids 50/50, I bet he doesn’t want that either.

sorry it’s awful but he sounds like a total prick

I think you are projecting

This is so true. It's like there's a MN Script now for The Script: man says something off colour = he must therefore be cheating = OP must get ducks in a row and leave immediately.

Obviously if there really is an affair or abuse, the woman absolutely should leave, but I often wonder if women have blown up their marriages following the MN Script when it was an issue that could've been overcome, like OP's.

Every other weekend, is more likely, unless he's a maintenance dodger.

Nooooo I was just about to sign up for a hiding hobby, it sounded right up my street!

Lots of opinions - he's a twat, tantrums, another woman....
I wouldn't want his life for the world, to be honest (middle aged, married child free woman),
but I carefully planned since a very young age.
I believe his choices are tough in him, but - he chose willingly!
Difficult.
Good that OP would be alright financially.

I'm glad you have both agreed you need to chat. I am hoping it is something you can sort out, maybe he was being grumpy or has something worrying him and you can sort it out. Just make sure he does sit down and talk to you properly he owes you that.

I hate to say it, be prepared he may have more beans to spill, mine all happened very suddenly like this and he wanted out (met someone else) and I never saw it coming. I hope its not that I really do

So he threw a tantrum because he needs to roll of the bed and spend 1 hour with his own children?
OP, afrer you come back from your jog, happy and fresh, you need to get to the bottom of this.

Ultimately there are two separate things - whatever is bothering him, and how he spoke to you. The second one is inexcusable and I'm glad you know that.

You've also got every right to go out jogging at a time that suits you if that's the problem, as presumably with a baby and a toddler you don't get a lot of time during the week when he's at work. You work round him, so of course there will be times when he works round you. He doesn't get to parent to his own individual schedule.

Despite the warmer mornings interactions, guard your heart OP. It is a month until Christmas. Could someone have given him an ultimatum.
I'm sorry to be a downer.

I think very few men really want children and they certainly resent the loss of freedom to just do what they want. Hopefully it’s this and not an affair and after talking and I mean talking as an ongoing thing not just a one off he will realise what he has.

I've met too many women whose husbands reverted to being tantrumming toddlers when children came along. Unable to communicate their challenges and feelings to their wives and instead just throwing everything to shit. Unable to consider alternatives to running away. If you still want to be with him, get into couple's counselling for starters.

Why aren’t you taking it in turns to get up with the kids? Do you really want to be married to a man who doesn’t want to give you a rest? Don’t accept the bear minimum

Absolutely agree. Every thread is like this and it is not helpful. There can be problems in marriage that have nothing to do with infidelity and much of the time they can be resolved. I truly don't understand how people think they are helping the OP by talking about affairs and rolling out their favourite Script nonsense.

Based on what the OP has said, it is much more likely that her husband is simply tired and yes, he's probably finding this stage of parenthood challenging. That is completely normal. It IS challenging. It's okay for him to miss his freedom at times. It doesn't make him a bad father or husband.

dear me, a touch over dramatic. You both sound tired.

Al very well people churning out " let them". Life is a bit more complex.

He said leave him alone, then do that this morning. Go see a friend, go shopping, anything, give yourself a break. He's been nasty.

Even if he's been feeling like this is all too much, he needs to be able to communicate things better - you are not a verbal punching bag.

He’s a cunt. Tell him to fuck off as I’m absolutely sure they’ll be a hint of a woman or an actual woman turning his head somewhere.

Totally agree. My manager is a senior exec with responsibility for £1b budget but still has to come into work and run the show after being awake with small kids all night and then still has to get up with those kids early on the weekend.

The number of people who lavish sympathy on men just for being men is insane.

FFS no one is lavishing sympathy on him for being a man. People are just recognising that he is also a person who feels tired and stressed and a bit fed up.

Did you read the OP? She said. ‘I asked him what’s the plan this weekend’. She didn’t just unilaterally decide. He could have said then that he wants a lazy morning in bed.

Why are you determined to blame OP?

Where is the sympathy for OP? This man only wants to parent dc when OP is there.

My exH enjoyed being a dad initially. But then dc had additional needs it was exhausting and he started taking that out on the rest of us being moody, shouting at dc so I didn’t want to leave them alone with him. He’d carve out time for himself taking up time consuming hobbies.

Eventually we separated and he went back to being a single man dating, hobbies, gigs, festivals re-living his 20’s and the dc were an afterthought.

I hope this isn’t your situation but some people are just not cut out to be parents and underestimate the impact dc have on your time and resent it. he eventually admitted he just didn’t enjoy parenting. Him being vile to me was because he was too much of a coward to end it and leave so he was pushing me to do it. Unfortunately for him I spent years wondering if he had depression and making allowances. I didnt ask him to go until dc were older and I realised his presence was more damaging to dc than his absence.

There was no OW he’s just a lazy selfish prick who never grew up.

They have young kids that presumably are early risers hence they are fed and dressed by their mum that early. When does Mum get her lie in? It seems never because the man baby needs his lie in. At a point when no doubt she has been up a while and keeping the children busy she then asks him to take over so she can have one hour rto exercise before they start their family weekend - the one he would rather spend as a single man.

We don't know that. She didn't say that in her OP and as far as we know he hasn't said that to her. She doesn't know what is bothering him.

I wouldn't say anything i would have walked away and waited for an apology (if it came)

He might just have had a bad day - still no reason to take it out on you though.

The other thing (and im not saying this is what's happening but ive seen this SO many times ) is his head has been turned.

Partners tend to start being horrible out of the blue for no reason as to turn the marriage/relationship "bad" so when they do have an affair/leave they blame you.
"Our relationship hasn't been good for a while now, constant arguing, not spending any time together and your jogging at the weekend doesnt help" and so it begins...

It makes it A LOT EASIER for them.

Hopefully he was just being a dick and has apologised this morning but if it carries on dont make it easy for him. Ignore his stupid outbursts, walk away without a word and start getting your ducks in a row.

And DO NOT stop jogging in the morning...