DH blamed sex life on me being fat

[Dululu]

So for context I am size 16-18, approx 15 stone, so objectively yes I am fat. When we got married seven years ago I was 11 stone and size 12-14. I put on some weight during lockdown, some after having our daughter, and some more due to taking prescribed steroids. My ‘normal’ weight is more like 12-12.5 stone and a standard size 14.

We are having fertility treatment at the moment and our sex life has been dire. So much so that on ‘scheduled’ days DH sometimes just w*nks until he is ‘ready’ and then I come in at the end. Sex has been an issue for years really, with me wanting more sex and us to go to bed together, but he likes to stay up and watch tv alone.

Tonight we’ve had a horrible argument- he made a joke about my boobs being saggy which I didn’t find funny and told him so, he then marched off saying ‘have a sense of humour’ and mocking my voice. Later he said he was really offended that I had previously suggested he look into his testosterone levels as his libido seemed low. And that he was fine when we got married, and what had changed, looking me up and down i.e. it’s all about my weight. He also said ‘Are you blind or are you dumb?’ when referencing this.

This isn’t the first time he’s been nasty about my weight, he’s thrown it in my face a few times before. I wouldn’t mind things being said in a kind way at a calm time as part of a sensible decision discussion, but it’s always been as an insult.

He doesn’t seem to care about upsetting me. I think this might be the end.

When I was married,I became overweight (13 stone). Hubby didn't seem to fancy me anymore. I then lost 3 stone with Skimmers World. I then lost another 14 -15 stone when hubby left me.....
He seemed to resent me losing the weight. I wonder if the OP lost weight if the same thing would happen to her. I think her husband just wants a reason to put her down. If she lost weight, he would find another reason.

He is a twat. Iam a similar size and had been a lot slimmer pre children and COVID. I'm struggling with losing it thankfully have a very supportive husband who knows how low my self esteem is and would never say anything negative about my body. You deserve someone better. He's probably going to get male pattern baldness and get fatter when he gets older. I'm assuming he isn't so attractive he is a GQ model. Tell him to fuck off and find someone who appreciates you and the struggle fertility treatment is for women

Well done losing so much weight - that's some achievement.
It sounds like your husband was the problem - he may have been a feeder.

I have a waisted jacket I bought in c. 1973. It is labelled a size 12. The waist is tiny and would now be a size 4. The size 12 I bought in 1990 or so is tiny compared to the size 12 I can now just about get into, it would now be a size 8. We are all monstrously overweight.

You don't need to justify anything on here - those judging are as bad as your hubby! Ignore.

Speak for yourself.

Yes, most certainly, it's a hubby issue especially as the OP's hubby 18 stone himself!

Went out with one guy who got cross when I lost weight (even tho wasn't fat at the time) but then he had trust issues. He was worried I'd find someone else. I didn't stay with him long of course.

You made no comment about the OP's husband being 18 stone. Why?

Get rid of him and deal with your weight issues.

Nothing whatsoever to do with what I wrote.

Why are you confusing dress size with being overweight?

From what I can read her old size 12s don’t fit ans she’s pretending they were a 8, so she’s really a 10 not a 14. I mean many of us have size 12s from the 90s and know it’s nonsense,😂

Don't let this man get you pregnant

Well, if a size 12 from 1973 equates to a size 4 now, which is tiny, then we are certainly larger than we used to be. What is now a 14/16 would have been a size 20 in 1973.
NB A size 12 in 1973 was considered quite large. The average for a young woman was a size 10 (a size 2 now?)
And obviously I speak for myself. Who else would I speak for?

He could well be a healthy BMI of 24.5 - if he is 7' 1"

The Op is sensing checking if its normal to be deliberately insulted by her spouse.

The topic of the insult is irrelevant.

So posting about clothes sizes is neither here nor there.

Her weight isnt a handy excuse for people to berate her. (Unless of course that is how you treat the people you love in which case you should probably start a thread of your own).

Op I dont know how you come back from that conversation with your husband without him reflecting on what his attitude to you, his willingness to hurt you and apologising.

Haha. I am supposedly a size 12, but years ago when i was size 12 I was nowhere near as big as I am now. in those days I would probably be a size 16. I am constantly shocked that I still fit into a size 12.

Agree - I was a size 8 when I was 17 and weighed 7 1/2 stone.
I'm still a size 8 according to M&S and NEXT yet now weigh 9 1/2 stone and am a good stone over my ideal weight.

Were you a size 8 in markies and next or things like teenage shops, top shop Etc? As they tend to come up small and m &s and next in my view do come up large.

Her husband didn't ask for advice on mumsnet - he's clearly got double standards but both of them are seriously overweight which will lead to serious health problems such as type 2 diabetes and fatty liver disease which is fast becoming the number one killer in the West due to our high sugar/fat/salt diet.
1 in 2 Americans now has fatty liver disease and not just the overweight ones.

Great interview by Dr Rangan Chatterjee with guest Dr Lustig an endocrinologist on how sugar has made the west obese since the seventies:

He can like what he likes and if he’s so shallow as to slate the mother of his only child for the body she has now then let him go where he’s happy. Please don’t have another child with him. It will make you vulnerable. You deserve so much better!! 💐

Also in M&S at 17 - I still have some clothes from way back and the sizing has just become far more generous as our waistbands have expanded from eating processed foods packed with sugar.

Compare this thread to the OP who said she hated her Husbands man boobs and had the ick!
Such double standards.
We get together with partners we find physically attractive, that includes and probably most importantly is weight, body, sexual attraction.
If your partner has put on weight where your sexual attraction isn't there I think it's absolutely okay to say this.
Obviously there are nice ways to say it, and shitty ways to say it but at the end of the day I'm not attracted to a fat, overweight man. I would swerve him in online dating.
If my Husband became so overweight I lost sexual attraction for him, or me becoming so overweight he did me, I would want to know and do something about it.
It's absolutely ridiculous to think two or three stone in weight gain will not have an effect on your partners sexual veiw of you. It will also have a shit effect on your libido, you are literally unhealthy!!

But the DH is very overweight too, so he has double standards himself!