How do I tell him I don’t fancy him

[ineedhelp37]

However I play this out in my head it’s just horrible and it’ll hurt him.

Dh is 45. He’s always been what I describe as very average build. Hes 5’9/10. We’ve been together 14 years. Over the last few years he’s crept up to about 13.5 stone, has a big tummy and dare I say it, moobs.

He runs now and again and does a couple of half marathons a year. But he has no muscle at all. I sound awful for saying this but I’m not attracted to his body at all. He has lovely eyes and a nice smile but I’m not attracted to him at all.

These are the things I’ve tried:
Downloading The Body Coach app and suggested we do it together. I’m 5’5 and 9 stone so I’m technically ok but I could do with losing a few pounds for my own confidence. He’s not interested.

I’ve tried making comments about myself but really directed at him but he’s not picking up on it.

We’ve not had any intimacy in months and I miss the closeness but as soon as I see him topless I get full “ick”.

What do I do / say??

To be blunt, you need to work on yourself and moving on from such a high focus on physical appearance. At 45, there aren't many years left where you could have a man with the body you envision, unless you want to go for a toy boy, but even then, you will reach an age where you won't be able to get that. I'm sure your breasts and bum aren't as perky as they used to be, there is likely to be some cellulite. Even with lots of exercise, it's all going to keep heading south. I think by 45, you really need to be focused on the qualities that aren't going to disappear with age like humour, warmth, stimulating conversation, stability.

4 times a year!! Fucking hell. I was responding as if it was a genuine issue you're having. You clearly never fancied each him- why did you get together with him??

I don’t think you need to tell him yoor not attracted to him if you regularly reject him. You kind of seem to feel pride in rejecting him tbh. Feel a bit sorry for him.

The thing is, you can go find a new man and chances are he won't be happy with 4 shags a year! But as you are repulsed by your husband, at least do the decent thing and leave him, so he has a chance to find someone who actually likes him.

I have a medical reason but my lack of attraction / perimenopause makes it worse.

Ok he's 45 and in your words never had a nice physique like your past boyfriends
had .
So you are reminiscing about men from quite a few years ago ?
Do you think they are as buff as they were 14 years ago ?
Your poor husband . He has aged as no doubt you have and you can't expect bodies to stay the same . What will he look like at 65 ?
What will you look like ? Tbh , you need to get over yourself and accept people age and change, if you can't , divorce him and only stay in short term relationships with younger and younger men and hope they accept you aging. Good luck !

Sorry OP but is think you sound shallow. I mean most women like broad and muscular but realise that with age, comfort and not being a marvel avenger people look different

"Hes hugely interested in me. I reject him" are you really that repulsed because if a woman was 5"9 and 13.5stone and her DP was saying i get the ick when she undresses we'd be out for blood.

Managing a couple of half marathons a year isnt unfit or lazy. But it might be hes never athletic again. Tbh if your romantic interest hinges so much on abz maybe your relationship has run its course. You could be more blunt and hint less but it might be something that cant be overcome

End it. Then he can find someone less shallow.

Aren’t you supposed to love him ‘warts and all’? Try to look beyond the excess that seemingly offends you whilst encouraging him to adopt a healthier exercise and diet regime.

dammit... auto correct 😆

Why are you with him? What’s your expectation when you tell him he repulses you? Are you getting your ducks in a row re divorce?

Your sex drive should not start to drop naturally until your mid forties if at all. It's not inevitable.

Why don't you get a hobby and stop trolling!? You must be on about your 500th username. I'm serious. Get help.

If you’ve not really fancied sex since you were 24, if you have had your head turned, probably best to be upfront with the person to manage their expectations re the amount of sex you’ll be wanting!

Why do you think you're in perimenopause at age 38?

ha ha this.

Oh you're so wrong! DH and I are 43 & 41, we have sex daily if not twice a day!

Exactly!!!

Op is being honest and personally I think men having moobs is not a hot look.I know it can't always be helped because men can have underlying health reasons for this,not just be because they are overweight.
In the same respect I think women having bingo wings is not a good look either,which is me by the way. ( I cover them up when out)..and now i'm divorced, single and 60 haha .
My ex ended up with a huge stomach,and it put me off of him physically and I know me putting on weight put him off. I think OP has dropped enough hints.Some of you may think her shallow ( and me) but she is actually being honest.I have a feeling some people on this thread are just having a go at her because they can

Depends how much you value the rest of him l guess . If you value how he looks above that then honestly you should break up with him and let him find someone who loves him unconditionally. You can find a gym bunny and hopefully they will have qualities other than their toned body which makes them good enough for you . Good luck .

@ineedhelp37 These are the things I’ve tried: Downloading The Body Coach app and suggested we do it together. I’m 5’5 and 9 stone so I’m technically ok but I could do with losing a few pounds for my own confidence. He’s not interested. I’ve tried making comments about myself but really directed at him but he’s not picking up on it.

Are you 16?

I don't understand what you are asking. Just tell him that he is overweight, you are not attracted to him as a result, and he needs to build muscle to restore attraction. What's the issue?

She's correct. Sex drive decreases with age. It's unusual for people in their 40s to have a sex drive as high as yours.

My sex drive as a man is definitely very low compared to where it was in my early 20s.

There’s a lot more to this than your husband putting on some weight .

Most men would just have an affair when their wife is no longer attractive to them. At least OP is looking for a solution. She has kept herself in shape and her DH hasn’t. I’d feel the same TBH.

They wouldn’t be riding off into the sunset to have lots of sex, that’s for sure !!